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-   -   Confused (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20467)

Dragonfli13 01-23-2012 01:14 AM

I grew up thinking that you could only love one person... you know the whole one true love thing... And now... I am in a committed relationship with a guy I love very much... however I just recently got back in touch with an old flame who I love very much... Here is the confusing part, I love both of them equally... I feel like I would only be half happy with only being with one... The old flame and I have been talking about this and he is ok with "sharing" me... I don't know how to bring this up with my current flame without hurting him... I don't want him to think I love him any less and I don't want to loose him....

Moonglow 01-23-2012 02:42 AM

Well this happened kind of to me. I asked my husband for permission to open our marriage but I found i couldn't just "fool around" and I ended up just telling the truth. A lot of things have happened since then but my husband and I are still together. I don't know if I hurt him or not but he seems to be ok with what I am and what I do.

I don't know how to approach it in your situation, as you have to be careful and it sounds like you are trying to have consideration for everyone. Good luck whatever decision you make.

Dragonfli13 01-24-2012 02:11 AM

Moonglow thanks for the reply... I kinda brought up the subject with my current guy and he said he didn't share... end of story... I am more confused than ever...

Derrall 01-24-2012 09:22 PM

Ask him to read information on the forum? Maybe he just doesnt understand it fully.

Dragonfli13 01-25-2012 12:21 AM

I don't know how to bring it up without him freaking out...

redpepper 01-25-2012 10:30 PM

I don't think you can really. I think you just have to bite the bullet, arm yourself with links, books, a lot of patience and empathy. Then wait until he is ready. That could never happen but it definitely won't, in my opinion, if you look at this selfishly and rush him.

Good luck.

AnotherConfused 01-25-2012 11:16 PM

I feel your struggle. Someone described it well in another thread. You have 4 choices: Your partner's way (monogamy), your way (loving both), breaking up, or working out a compromise. If you can choose your partner's way, that's simplest. Can you, though? I've been trying the compromise route for a while now and it's extremely tough going, but I couldn't ignore polyamory any more, and wasn't willing to give up my marriage. Sorry for your struggle. So glad they both love you, though!

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