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-   -   Finally figured it out.... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2046)

msskellington 01-25-2010 06:36 PM

Finally figured it out....
I'm new to practicing poly, but not new to being poly. I figured out many many years ago that I was poly. It is a long story on how I got there, but basically, after many many years of serial monogamy and cheating and affairs and breaking up....I figured out that it was me that was broken, it was the system. The system that tries to restrict feelings and emotions that cannot be contained.

I started writing out my whole story and while I am confident in myself and my decisions in my relationship, I don't want to drag out my whole story till I get a feel for the place. It's a self preservation thing.

Anyway, my second soul mate, the man i accidentally fell in love with, is now free to see me. With that information, I informed the husband that something was going to have to change with us. I was tired of suffering and lying and failing at being what he needed me to be. I told him if he wanted to leave I understood, I just couldn't lie to myself anymore....

He made the decision to attempt to work out this poly relationship, but things are slow going and we are hitting alot of roadblocks....

The only reason that I think this may work, is that I have demanded that all parties involved be absolutely honest and hide nothing. If me and the H don't work out, the I will be with the new guy, it a completely poly relationship with minimal problems. But my H has a part of my soul, and if I can make this work while including him, then I am willing to do as much work as it takes....

anyway, that's the main gist of the story...

btw, you can call me Skells, my H is going to be referred to as A, and my other is going to be referred to a V...

MonoVCPHG 01-25-2010 07:25 PM


Originally Posted by msskellington (Post 20941)
If me and the H don't work out, the I will be with the new guy, it a completely poly relationship with minimal problems. ...

How long have you been with the new guy? I know a lot of people in well established poly relationships and very few would claim that there are minimal problems.
Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum Skells :)

msskellington 01-25-2010 07:34 PM

Oh. I in no way want to give the impression that any poly relationship is going to be a walk in the park.. New guy isn't really a new guy at all. V is my best friend. The one who helped me realize that I was poly. We are going on 6 years of being in love with each other but circumstances and bad decisions have kept us from being together until rather recently. The reason I said minimal problems was that we have never lied to one another and both have similar ideas and expectations of out relationship. And that statement just pertains to us not any future relationships...

I hope that clarifies things....

MonoVCPHG 01-25-2010 07:36 PM

I undestand now..thanks for that. How did he help you realize you were poly?

msskellington 01-25-2010 07:45 PM

Well. I was a serious serial monogamer... I would be completely happy in a mono relationship then end up meeting someone new usually strictly as friends. Then I would develop romantic feelings for this new person and while I was still completely in love with my current partner. I would start to doubt my feelings bc I had been led to understand that you couldn't love more than one person completly and would take my new feelings to mean that the current wasn't right for me...

This is where V comes in. V was at first my shoulder to cry on. The one that would do all the listening without judging me... After many countless hours of talking, V who was stuck in a mono marriage suggested reading about polyamory. He said he didn't know if it would be for me felt I should check it out.... Eventually V and I fell for each other and now that his wife has decided to move on, we've decided that our relationship is worth exploring.

MonoVCPHG 01-25-2010 07:48 PM

Thanks for sharing that :)

Take care

msskellington 01-25-2010 07:52 PM

Mono, thank you for your interest in my story...it feels good to be able to talk about my experiences and ask for advice....

LovingRadiance 01-25-2010 07:58 PM

I posted on your other thread.
Reading here it sounds like V is much like GG.
We were best friends for 17 years. He's helped me raise my kids and has been in love with me the whole time.
I fell in love with him somewhere along the way.

Please go read the other thread where I wrote (I don't want to duplicate) and feel free to PM me if you want more info.
Also-just on a side note. Mono is a stand up guy with some KICK ASS advice-so if you are ever just stuck and trying to find a way to express something to your husband (who I assume is at least functionally mono at this time) ASK MONO. He's really good at that as he is IN a poly relationship, but he's not poly himself and he thinks mono, so he tends to know how to say things in a way that is more... receptable.... not sure that's a word, something a person who is new to poly and isn't sure would be more receptive too.. ;)

msskellington 01-25-2010 08:06 PM

Again, thanks. I look forward to talking to both of you and anyone else who thinks they can help. I am going to pick up the Husband, A at work...I am going to suggest that he come here and see if he can gain anything from having people to talk to. I especially hope that mono could help him.

LovingRadiance 01-25-2010 08:16 PM

No problem.
Feel free to contact me anytime. :)
Take care.

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