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-   -   I have a body I don't like (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2042)

jlynn 01-25-2010 01:49 AM

I have a body I don't like
I hate my body i really don't like my own husband looking at it so how i'm i going to be able to let so some one else look at me or touch me i'm sure the other woman is only doing it to make my husband happy how do i deal with this?

Catfish 01-25-2010 03:43 AM

Wow. This is a huge question. Let me just say that having worked at a nudist resort and having seen just about every conceivable body type naked and playing volleyball, that beauty is found more in what you do that how you look. BEING beautiful and looking beautiful are two very different things, and while the latter is much more glamorized in popular culture, the former is much more likely to provide you with real happiness. I wish the world understood this better and raised children to see people like Paris Hilton as the vapid little tramp she is instead of making her into an icon. Be yourself. Do not apologize. Beauty is kindness.

Best of luck to you.

Derbylicious 01-25-2010 03:46 AM

That's a tough place to be and one that I think a lot of us have been in. Rather than focusing on the things that you don't like about yourself try focusing on the things that you do like about you. It's a hard thing to do to begin with but it does get easier over time. Also believe it when someone gives you a complement (most of the time there isn't an alterior motive for people to complement you). Yet again easier said than done I know but seeing yourself the way others see you is often a good thing. We are generally our toughest critics.

What worries me about your post is that you think that there is someone who only wants to be with you to make someone else happy. Have you talked to your husband and the other woman about this? What do they say?

I hope that you feel better about you soon. Take care


Lemondrop 01-25-2010 04:31 AM

My favorite piece of advice received currently is to keep a self-esteem file. Write down every little compliment you get, no matter what it is--I once wrote down that my bf said "woohoo!" to me. I blush, but it made me feel good. Write down every little thing you like about yourself. (I put down stuff like, I like that I'm loyal.) Keep the file where you can look at it every day, and write down everything. It actually does help. Keep doing it until...well, frankly, I think forever. It can't make you less healthy.

Also, I'd highly recommend that you take a look at some information on improving self-esteem. There are a lot of websites on the internet and self-help books at the library for free.

GroundedSpirit 01-25-2010 04:30 PM

Hi Jlynn,
And of course you KNOW how many other unfortunate women feel exactly like you do ?
Girl - you've been PROGRAMMED - like a mindless robot ! By a corporate media culture intent on making millions on 'beauty aids', clothing, self-help books, psychology sessions etc etc.

You going to allow that ?

Because inside you KNOW different !

So now you get to CHOOSE - you going to be a 'victim' or a beautiful; human being ?

Totally your CHOICE !


booklady78 02-02-2010 07:12 PM

Jlynn, please believe that there are so many people that can relate to how you're feeling. I'm incredibly self conscious and can hardly believe that my husband and now my bf enjoy my body. I'm overweight, hairy, and have acne everywhere, not exactly the most desirable woman and yet I have not one, but two men who adore me.
It's alright to expect a little reassurance from your husband, I love the idea of noting all the compliments that you recieve, great idea Lemondrop!
Please believe that your sexuality is so much more than your appearance. Sensations, sounds, feelings, there's so much to explore with more than just your eyes.

katharinerose 02-19-2010 08:23 PM

Yes, yes and yes to everything people have said above. A few other things that have really helped me when I've felt gross and ugly and can't imagine why anyone would want to touch me:

Appreciate your good features, and put some effort into showing them off. Do you have great hands or cute toes? A mani/pedi is awesome (I generally pay $30, or you can get a bottle of smokin' hot polish for a couple bucks). There is a time and place for everything, and while I don't wear makeup most days, being able to play up my eyes or my lips with color can be a great boost.

Make a positive change. I'm not saying you should go get a boob job or lipo or go one one of those stupid fad diets or anything crazy. But don't like you hair? Try a new style, or a new color. (If you don't like it, it's just hair and will grow out.) Feeling out of shape? Start or up your exercise routine, even if it's just walking around the block. No, you're not going to magically become a size 2 supermodel, but knowing that you're taking steps to becoming the best self you can be is awesome.

Stand up straight and smile. Nothing is sexier than confidence, and sometimes you gotta fake it 'til you make it. Working on improving your posture will make you look (and feel) more confident. (It will also make you look taller and your chest look bigger/perkier.) Smiling, too, will make you look and feel better.

Masturbate! Take time for yourself, set aside how you think others think you look, and enjoy your body for the pleasure you can give yourself. And don't just touch yourself "down there." Get to know and enjoy ALL of you - head to toe and everything in between.

But most of all, whatever you do, make sure you're doing it for yourself. Doing things because you think your partners would like you more if you did them isn't going to help YOU love yourself any more. And that's what you really need to be able to do. It's really hard to believe that your lovers love you for who you are, right now, at this moment, if you don't.

SchrodingersCat 02-20-2010 12:58 AM

There are a lot of men and women who are specifically attracted to BBW (Big Beautiful Women). They don't like the "skin and bones" look, they want someone who enjoys life, enjoys food, and is comfortable in their own skin. I, personally, find really skinny girls to be unattractive. I like the feel of some cushioning when I cuddle!! I like it this time of year, when my husband gets a bit of a pot belly, and it gives me somewhere soft to rest my head instead of his usual bony hips... Don't disparage! If your husband married you, he loves the way you look...

disarmedheart 03-10-2010 02:30 PM

If you don't like your body, is there anything preventing you from changing it?

If not, go for it! Change what you don't like about it. It may be hard work, but if means this much to you, it's worth i.

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