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CherryBlossomGirl 01-21-2012 08:38 PM

I'm in a ffm triad. My husband and our girlfriend are head over heels in love - and it's awesome to see. I love hanging out with both of them, and also love them both as people - we have a lot of fun, and when we have sex it is hotttttt..... Problem? I'm not experiencing the same level of love, or desire for sex that they are.

It's super weird to be around people that are SUPER in love when I am just in a space where I feel like I'm hanging out with good friends. I've told them how they feel, and it just makes them sad. Because they're so in love they want to make out and snuggle and talk all of them time - I kind of just want to enjoy some regular nights watching movies and playing games, relaxing together instead of always having to swim around in their love soup, y'know? I don't know... just a weird place to be..... I'm not even jealous, just kind of annoyed and end up feeling left out sometimes cuz they're so into it. I'm more interested in planning a vacation or buying them both presents - it's not that I don't love them or dig how into each other they are. ARGH!

Magdlyn 01-21-2012 09:02 PM

Check out some threads on "new relationship energy," "NRE," "unicorns," and "triads."

It's as common as mud for triads to go this way, the unicorn being more into one partner than another.

Get yourself another bf or gf and have your own NRE!

CherryBlossomGirl 01-21-2012 09:08 PM

My thoughts exactly
Hey Magdlyn. Thanks. My thoughts exactly - been thinking it would be good to find someone for me to be that into, so I'd have something "to do" Don't want to be a buzzkill, y'know.

nycindie 01-21-2012 09:21 PM


Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol (Post 121481)
...been thinking it would be good to find someone for me to be that into, so I'd have something "to do" Don't want to be a buzzkill, y'know.

Buzzkill, I love that word. You made me LOL. But seriously, while this is great advice and I wholeheartedly second it, at some point they've gotta get out of the clouds, don't they? And see what affect they're having on you? Like, hello, movies, games, museums, and whatnot are also really great ways to connect and grow a relationship.

CherryBlossomGirl 01-21-2012 09:37 PM

Museums FTW
Hey nycindie (are you in New York?)

They try to balance it all out, and we do play games and hang out. I guess I just feel left out and weirded out by the lovey-ness of their time together. Normally my man would never stay up until midnight on the couch talking after a long work week - he's bushed and would head to his man cave to relax, or maybe we'd watch a movie, but when our lady is out he is BOING up and totally into talking foreevvvveeerrr.... I end up feeling guilty when I don't want to have sexy times too, as they want me to be there for all the sexin. I'm kind of like... can we just get to a place where you two can hook up and I can go watch some HBO? There "trying to be good" which is just driving me nuts as I don't WANT them to be good, I just wanna chill sometimes. I need a therapist or something.

BrigidsDaughter 01-21-2012 09:44 PM

Different people have different ways of expressing love. It seems that they are very physical in their expression, while you are more of the type to give gifts. Neither ways are wrong, just different.

nycindie 01-21-2012 09:45 PM

Well, wanting time to yourself and respect for your personal space is natural and what every person should have. If they want you to always be a part of their sexual activities, that is unneeded pressure. You shouldn't feel obligated or like you're disappointing them if you don't want that. It's your choice to or not, geez. They shouldn't pout about it, wtf.

It sounds like renegotiations are in order, where you ask for boundaries that work better and give you space. In addition to getting another squeeze for yourself. Does she live with you, too, or can't they go to her place once in a while?

CherryBlossomGirl 01-21-2012 09:46 PM

Different Kinds of Love
Hi Brigids, and thanks. Yes, totally, but I bet it is WAY less frustrating to get boss gifts than it is to have a NRE mudpit to wade through all the time. The weird thing is that I have compersion even though I'm annoyed WTH?

CherryBlossomGirl 01-21-2012 09:50 PM

The changes... oh the changes...
We set out with the rule of all three of us at once. I want to change that rule, they don't want to because they think I'll freak - fair enough, we made it a rule for a reason, but we have outgrown it!!! TOTES to pressure - it's driving me crazy, and having some kind of weird depressing effect on my sex drive, which is usually through the roof. It's like because it's expected and desired every single time we hang out I'm just like.... meh.... I don't get it. Like I said - therapy.

So far no go on her place - it's super cramped. Maybe it's worth bringing up, but they're stickin to the three thing fornow, mostly my fault as I was all like, let's stick to the rules, it'll make it easier.... Guess we just need to talk talk talk it out.

BrigidsDaughter 01-21-2012 09:53 PM

Dealing with NRE can be frustrating; but rather than get annoyed at how they behave when they are together, maybe it's time to talk to them about them being together when you aren't there.

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