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-   -   Intimacy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2040)

Ceoli 01-24-2010 11:52 PM

How do you define it?

How does it manifest in your relationships?

MonoVCPHG 01-25-2010 12:10 AM

Wow, this is a surprisingly big topic. First I just have to clarify that when I speak of intimacy I am referring to adult relationships.

Intimacy is a medium of energy exchange, which may or may not involve physical touch and sex. Intimacy is a meeting place of spirits where vulnerability is accepted to achieve trust and therefore complete sharing. When I achieve intimacy with some one, I feel bare and willing to accept the responsibility of that person’s trust and vulnerability as well. Once I have achieved this, other forms of communication to express connection and bonding become available to me….specifically sex.

I achieve intimacy through total trust. The risk is in opening up completely to see if that trust is there.

Nice thread :)

LovingRadiance 01-25-2010 12:53 AM

Wow Mon-
that's awesome. I really like that explanation.

I think I define intimacy (not well) as being close to someone internally. Feeling safe, secure and confident of myself and of their SELF and my knowledge of it.
An openness to one another that allows transperancy and understanding of each other fully (including flaws).
A sense of being intwined or interconnected internally (like the energy that Mon speaks of). This DEFINITELY is factored by trust. The higher the trust, the deeper the intimacy.

I have many relationships that I experience intimacy in (generally non-sexual) and two that I experience it in sexually.

With Maca, it manifests A LOT now in the bathtub. We sit, we talk and we just "learn" one another... It's a time of "joining" our souls, our minds, our hearts.

GroundedSpirit 01-25-2010 03:46 PM

For me - (I'll ask her and post her response separately or MAYBE she will !) intimacy is a feeling of being fully present and largely transparent. It's hard to describe.....
It's that feeling of connection I guess many people refer to - that I'm no longer separate but just a part of something larger. For me it happens both in and out of the context of a relationship or any other human. It can happen spontaneously, the trigger coming from almost anywhere (often unknown). When it comes I just try to accept it without 'clinging' to it. It's not 'mine' - it does not 'belong' to me !
Hard to describe.............


redpepper 01-26-2010 07:53 PM

Making myself completely vulnerable with someone and giving over my trust to them that they will take care of my heart where I can't ... this is complete intimacy. There is varying levels to get that deep, but this is where I like to be for others and like them to be for me. It's a very rare find, but is probably as near to heaven as anyone can get as far as I am concerned in my life. I am not willing to jeopardize that or push that bond without very good reason. I am lucky to have that with two and almost three of my wonderful men.

I echo most of what others say on here, but wanted to add that for myself by putting it into words.

Ravenesque 02-07-2010 08:14 AM

Intimacy can encompass a few things for me.

Physical intimacy is being comfortable sharing your personal space and/or sharing your body with another. Whether that is snuggling, hugging, kissing or having sex. Even standing really close. It is the ability to relax and shed self-consciousness about your body. This physical intimacy can include sexual intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is similar to the above in the feeling of comfort with closeness. The ability to share my fears, thoughts, secrets, hopes, dreams, desires, all the things that go through my heart and mind with ease. Being who I would be if no one was around only there are others around. The ones I can be intimate with. Spiritual intimacy may be included in emotional.

The presence of intimacy means the presence of trust. They are related intricately for me.


GroundedSpirit 02-07-2010 04:55 PM


Originally Posted by Ravenesque (Post 21857)
The presence of intimacy means the presence of trust. They are related intricately for me.

I like this from the perspective of relationships.
It's just that place you get that says that regardless of what's out there in the world - for the moment - it's just us and we're fuzzy & safe & happy.


FitChick 02-11-2010 11:27 AM

Intimacy for me has always been about the 'total' connection. Up until I met my SO I had never experienced it on a truly deep level...for us in particular it is total acceptance,a deep trust of one another and an ability to share our deepest thoughts and fears with each other. Today I described it to him as 'being at peace' with each other,even when we are apart,knowing that we love each other,that our lives are intertwined and we can pick up the phone at any time and hear the others voice. He described it as his heart singing when I am with him..it is most extraordinary!

classycaveman 02-14-2010 01:58 AM

I'm not sure I understand intimacy. For me, I think I could tell anyone anything, and if they reacted negatively to it, I would take that as a deficiency on their part rather than mine. Obviously I keep some secrets for convenience sake, (Didn't tell the boys I worked with in the oilfield about the time I spent a week in another man's bed... although seeing their reactions would have been pretty fun,) but when I'm getting to know a new partner, I usually tell them about myself based on what I think they're comfortable knowing, rather than what I'm comfortable telling.

Of course this may just be another manifestation of my inferiority complex that I mask with a delusion of superiority... any insights would be welcome.

saudade 02-14-2010 10:23 PM

Intimacy to me
First, I agree that this is an awesome topic!

I'm not sure I can define intimacy itself in the abstract, beyond that it is an experience. I feel more comfortable listing the acts that have been intimate between myself and my partners, or between myself and other people.

I think cuddling and sex and other forms of conventional physical intimacy are always intimate for me, though I know others who might disagree. I also think sharing entertainment (watching a movie, attending a concert, visiting the aquarium, etc.) can be a form of intimacy too.

With my partner K, being read aloud and sung to are my favorite forms of intimacy. With my partner Z, showering together (we're actually monogamous shower buddies!) and being cooked for are huge. Long car trips are totally intimate in my mind for all of us (though I don't drive, so I don't know if K or Z would agree!), and in my mind sharing about oneself through conversation is probably the most intimate act of all.

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