Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Hello cruel world (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20378)

MojoJojo 01-20-2012 11:52 PM

Hello cruel world
 
Hello, thought I would give this a whirl. I am a 37 Yo married male in a monogamous relationship. Me and my wife is a small agreement about being able to pursue same sex if we should so desire, but that has not really been acted on (much) as we are both largely straight. Anyway, new to the idea of poly, and looking forward to talking to people about their experiences.

nycindie 01-21-2012 12:40 AM

I'm confused. You are both straight but agreed that each of you would try same-sex activities? Um, why? Also, you do know that polyamory is not focused on sex? Maybe you would rather look for a swinger community if recreational sex is your focus, rather than relationships. Or, perhaps I am just misunderstanding your intro.

I suggest reading around the different forums here and asking questions. Check out the Online Poly Resources thread in the Golden Nuggets forum.

Welcome!

MojoJojo 01-21-2012 12:50 AM

Its the agreement she is comfortable with. At no point did I mention sex or that I was looking for sex, just that I was in a monogomous relationship with a small caveat, and that I joined to hear other peoples experiences being poly.

nycindie 01-21-2012 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MojoJojo (Post 121361)
At no point did I mention sex...

Oh. But yes, you did mention sex, but it was confusing:
Quote:

Originally Posted by MojoJojo (Post 121358)
Me and my wife is a small agreement about being able to pursue same sex if we should so desire, but that has not really been acted on (much) as we are both largely straight.

I'm sorry I misunderstood. I am not sure if you meant to say "same sex" or "some sex," nor why you mention being straight. I'm sure you can understand, if you re-read what you wrote (esp. the bolded part), why it is a really confusing post and I thought sex was your focus. Maybe I'm just not getting what you are trying to say here. :confused: Maybe English is a second language for you?

Lots of good stuff to read on these forums, though. I am sure you will find some information and stories that interest you.

SchrodingersCat 01-21-2012 08:37 AM

Yeah, I'm also very confused by the notion of agreeing to homosexual encounters when both partners identify as heterosexual.

Was this some kind of "compromise" compared to what you had really wanted?

I never liked compromises much. Seems like everyone loses in most of them. I prefer discussing things to death until we are both on the same page. Of course, it helps that we both sincerely want the other to be happy and to experience everything life has to offer. So it's like, we both always win. It's pretty awesome.

amitabhisgood 01-21-2012 09:51 AM

I joined this forum a week back. Looking forward to connecting with people. Passed by to say hi. Actually the same sex part did make me wonder Y so. NEway have a nice time.

Casey 01-21-2012 09:55 AM

To me it makes sense?

Someone who is largely straight, is not completely straight. Shannon identifies as "mostly straight" - 99% of the time will go for the opposite sex, but 1% will go for the same. Seems relatively straightforward?


Further, some people just starting out will feel more comfortable with only opposite sex. Less threatening I think.

It's not my thing, but I can see how some people may perceive it as a stepping stone. I cannot comment on its worthiness in that regard, having had no experience in that area.

MojoJojo 01-21-2012 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie
Oh. But yes, you did mention sex, but it was confusing:

Somewhat surprised by the confusion. "Same sex" clearly refers to sexual orientation. While the word "sex" does indeed appear I am hard pressed to understand how in that context it could mean that I am looking for a "swinger community".

Really I didnt want this to be the focus of my introduction, just that there was a small side agreement to an otherwise monogamous relationship. I am free to have a guy on guy and she is free to have a girl on girl relationship which we have both dabbled in a bit over the years, going through the bi-curious thing. I mean, largely straight does not mean completely straight as I am sure many out there can identify with. As to why, I would say that my wife feels very much threatened by the idea of me seeing other women and does not seem to desire other men herself. I think she feels that if a boyfriend is what I really wanted though, then she should not deny me something she could not provide herself.

Let me add a bit. She has made it clear that she is not OK with the idea of a fully open poly relationship, and I respect and abide by that. Price of admission to be with the one you love and all that. I am definitely interested in polyamory though, which is why I am on this site. The irony is that in my previous marriage the tables were exactly reversed. My ex wanted to see other guys, I was not cool with it thinking it would destroy our marriage and then the marriage ended anyway after a grueling year of no sex or intimacy whatsoever.

Magdlyn 01-21-2012 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MojoJojo (Post 121467)
My ex wanted to see other guys, I was not cool with it, thinking it would destroy our marriage .

Because of course he'd have a bigger cock than you? That's the most common reason... we have lots of threads on that.

nycindie 01-21-2012 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MojoJojo (Post 121467)
Somewhat surprised by the confusion. "Same sex" clearly refers to sexual orientation. While the word "sex" does indeed appear I am hard pressed to understand how in that context it could mean that I am looking for a "swinger community".

Well, you introduced yourself talking about sex, and basically just said that you and your wife have an agreement to pursue sex with other people. Nowhere did you mention love or relationships, so I (and a few others, I believe) wondered if you understood what poly is or if you were really looking to go swinging. And the grammar of "Me and my wife is a small agreement about being able to pursue same sex if we should so desire..." made me wonder if you meant to say "same sex" or "some sex." If you had said "same sex relationships," I wouldn't have thought you were only focused on sex. See? It just helps to be clear so people know what you're about in seeking information here.


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:07 AM.