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-   -   LittleOwl's blob (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20328)

LittleOwl 01-19-2012 09:00 PM

LittleOwl's blob
Yes, that was a typo but seeing it I thought for a while and decided to let it be :)
I'm not much of a blogger or haven't been in the past but I think I'll give it another go.

I suppose that a bit of an introduction of my way to poly would be a good place to start.

The beginning:
I have been in an open relationship with my husband from almost the start. This came about when we got close enough for me to tell him that I'm bi. At some point we talked about things and realised that neither of us is jealous of the other so we decided to be open to other relationships and to each other about the possible other relationships.
I think that we found the term polyamory in a documentary about "different" relationships and I remember saying afterwards that the triad in the documentary might be an ideal situation for me. Also remember saying that it would need tons of luck to find a person with whom it would be possible to form that sort of connection.

The experience:
We've tried threesome with another woman a couple of times and had sort of swinging kind of experiences but they left a lot to be hoped for. Nothing dramatic happened but I think that none involved was very satisfied with the experiences.
After those my husband has had couple of girlfriends and FWBs but nothing very lasting, and this last spring we formed a triad with a lovely young woman for a while but there was some basic incompatibility and my lack of energy that eventually turned the triad into a V and even that has since turned to "just the two of us" again.

The present:
I'm not actively poly, or poly in practise, at the moment due to the fact that our two kids manage to drain me of energy quite successfully but on the inside I still feel that if I had more time and energy I would be welcoming another amorous relationship with the "right" person.
Husband on the other hand is actively looking a partner.
We together are happy with each other but there definitely is room for more for him and perhaps for me too when the kids grow.

The challenges:
There always seems to be something doesn't there? Well, for me it's my temperament. I'm just so easily exhausted and overwhelmed that multiple relationships are somewhat problematic even though I'd like to have them :rolleyes: I need a lot of "me time" and especially now that the kids are small that is hard to come by. And in the future this hypothetical other person has to understand this.
And the other thing is that I'm not that good at getting to know people. I t takes really long time for me to get to know someone enough to know if I want to be with them.
The third, and most acute one right now, is the sorrow or compassion or what ever you call that sinking feeling when you see your loved one trying to form a connection and a relationship with someone and being told that "this just isn't working" or something to that effect.

As a spouse to the more actively poly in our relationship I get, of course, a lot of the good times of the other relationship, I get to see him happy and to feel happy for him and with him, but when there are rough times or when that relationship comes to an end I get the not so pleasant side of this compersion thing, the sorrow and the feeling of ... I can't find the perfect word here but inability to help properly might come close, helplessness perhaps...

I suppose that this might end up as a blog about compersion in the way I feel it. Then again it might not, I have no specific plan.

LittleOwl 01-21-2012 07:11 PM

Today has been such a busy day but I decided to drop by to write that there may be a poly wossname developing near me. Sort of a linear tangle perhaps, maybe quite a real tangle, I have no idea how strong the connections are and I actually don't know how far it would reach i.e. how many people are involved.
This means that my(A) husband(B) is interested in someone C who has a relationship with someone D who in turn is developing a relationship with our friend E and may have other relationships as well and E has a relationship with F.
(those letters are just arbitrary and for this post only to depict the chain of relationships, if I happen to write a lot about this I'll have to invent better "names" or initials)
This might get complicated. Luckily everyone is aware of everyone else (as far as I know). Nevertheless I'm intrigued to see how this'll turn out.

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