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-   -   questions about a polyamorus relationship (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20290)

celyr 01-19-2012 04:39 AM

questions about a polyamorus relationship
can it still be considered a polyamorus relationship if only one person is being polyamorus?

EDIT: I'm not saying that we both aren't into the idea... but what if it's just not possible for me to find anyone else that wants to be with me. I mean, I've looked and tried but... idk, this whole situation really upsets me and I just need someone to talk to...

celyr 01-19-2012 04:51 AM

you know what, just nevermind. no one ever wants anything to do with me, not even my fiancée. maybe it's just me and I am a horrible person, like my mother always says. fml.

redpepper 01-19-2012 05:32 AM

What! That bullshit. Its nothing to do with what your mother says! You can be as poly as the day is long and not date anyone. My PN hasn't dated in over a year and is. He's just taking a break. Don't get yourself down. It isn't becoming and if you want to attract a potential partner you've got to keep your chin up and your spirits high.

My mother has pulled that kind of shit on me in my childhood and I am refusing to believe her. She doesn't know who I am on the inside. I do and I am worthy of whatever I want to create in my life. You are too.

celyr 01-19-2012 05:46 AM

thank you for your comment... but my fiancee wont even look at me most days. idk what to do... and i've tried being confident about the situation but its really discouraging when no one wants to even talk to you.... and it wasn't always just my mom, it was almost everyone bringing me down... countless bullies, my family, strangers...

NovemberRain 01-19-2012 05:50 AM

What redpepper said, times a thousand. Please submit to your brain for consideration: It's more than possible that your mother is wrong. Being a mother (or an egg donor) does not convey god-like 'right' status. She's a human being, and sounds like a perfectly fallible one at that.

If your fiancee doesn't want anything to with you, why is he your fiancee? Keep reading here, there are as many ways to do poly as there are people (and probably more).

BlackUnicorn 01-19-2012 07:36 AM

Hi there! A situation where one member of the couple IDs as polyamorous and the other doesn't is usually called a poly/mono or mono/poly relationship.

redpepper 01-19-2012 03:14 PM

I'm confused. Your fiance doesn't look at you and you can't find anyone else? Could you say more about your story? I'm a bit lost as to what is going on.

Icewraithonyx 01-19-2012 03:49 PM

Wife and I consider our relationship a polyamorous one, even though I ID as monogamous.

BlackUnicorn 01-19-2012 04:01 PM

(Thanks for merging the threads, mods!) Hmm, am I sensing here a "I/we don't want to break-up, but they/we don't really want to be together either, so maybe them having other partners will keep them from leaving me?" theme? Seriously, if your primary relationship is in trouble, introducing poly will only make matters worse.

redpepper 01-21-2012 03:23 AM

Don't stay in this if you are mono, struggle with self worth and have a lot of past stuff to get through. Really. Mono/poly relationships are tricky to begin with for people with great self esteem. They can destroy people who don't. I seriously would be considering getting out and finding someone that is similar to me so as to work together on some of this stuff and NOT date others. Unless your partner is willing to work with you and not date or take on lovers for a VERY long time and until you have worked on yourself. Therapy sounds like a plan don't you think?

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