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Nerodia 01-18-2012 09:47 PM

Greetings from southern Colorado!

I'm female, in my 40's, and have been poly-curious for many years but stuck in the societally-approved monogamous-cheating pattern until now. I am free of my last monogamous relationship (which was with a woman), and I never, ever want to lie and sneak around, ever again.

I have two "significant men" in my life. One is pretty serious; the "m" word has been mentioned, and we're making plans to move in together in the spring. The other one is a long-time mutual attraction with whom I share some regular "friendly groping". I've been careful to let each of them know about the other all along.

I just introduced them to each other. Egad, if you looked up "extreme weirdness" in the dictionary, there would totally be a picture of my stomach tied up in knots in there.

So far, my grope-partner is totally cool with the whole thing, and I have high hopes for the other one.

All right, so where the devil do we go from here?


opalescent 01-18-2012 11:55 PM

Welcome! One thing I like about this forum, among many, is that I get exposed to new things, often vocabulary or phases. I like 'grope-partner'!

NovemberRain 01-19-2012 06:39 AM

I need a grope-partner!

Welcome, Nerodia. My partners (two men) have been best buddies for years; but I don't think they've spoken to each other since we've entered this thing (just in December). I'm pretty sure I've got a bunch of that stomach weirdness in my future. :D

Phy 01-19-2012 06:52 AM


stomach knots are kind of obligatory if you enter into poly:p Don't mind them too much, the tend to dissolve with time. It's great that your partners seem to get along and the start was smooth. Good luck exploring it further.


Originally Posted by NovemberRain (Post 121086)
My partners (two men) have been best buddies for years; but I don't think they've spoken to each other since we've entered this thing (just in December).

NovemberRain, I have to ask: I got the impression that they knew each other for a long time, maybe I misread your entries. But how could they be best buddies and not talk to each other in such a situation? There is so much one needs to clarify in the beginning.

NovemberRain 01-19-2012 07:01 AM

I *know*, right? Thanks for asking, Phy (and for the advice about knots). I requested that they talk to each, and specifically about this. But I can't make them, and I suspect they're both a wee bit afraid.

The night that First bf and I first talked of this, he revealed some feelings to me about Current bf. I said 'you need to tell him that!' and he said, 'he knows what he's doing' and I acknowledged 'of course he knows; what he does not know is how YOU feel about it. and I believe that would help him.'

When I talked to Current bf and said I really really wanted another boyfriend, First bf, and he assured me (a lot) that was fine; I asked him to call First bf and tell him that he was fine with this. I said I didn't think First bf would believe just me.

They are buds, but they are 'guys' first and foremost. They're not fond of talking about their feelings. They'll do it; and they'll even do it without coercion. But they don't like it, and they won't do it if they have other options. Also, First bf is long distance, so their communication decreased a lot with that.

Also, I don't *know* for sure whether they have or have not. I suspect not. The longer I wonder, the more nervous I get; but I'm trying to not be the crazy control freak that I usually am. :D

I am thinking about how to check in on it with both of them.

Nerodia 01-19-2012 06:55 PM

Thanks, everybody! I sure appreciate your feedback, encouragement, stories, etc.

Came across a great word today: Mudita: Appreciative joy at the success and good fortune of others." (Wikipedia) Just expanding on the "compersion" thing, another favorite word of mine.

Glad the stomach knots are normal. And I love the way this whole process is bringing me back, nose-to-eyeball, with all of my stupid cultural assumptions about jealousy, monogamy, men etc. It's like the universe is saying, "No, goofball, it doesn't have to work that way. Quit putting everybody in a box, relax, and enjoy the ride."

I WILL learn to trust this. Really. Thanks for being there for the induction of my crazy journey, and I'm looking forward to reading about all of yours!

~ Nero

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