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-   -   How slow can you go (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20162)

riftara 01-16-2012 10:16 PM

How slow can you go
 
So me and T agreed to start things again, very very slowly.

Right now it's just flirting, touching, and closed mouth kisses.

Next is tongue, but she gets to decide when that change is made.

After that I dont know where we will go, but I wanted to ask you all...

What are the steps of a relationship to you... broken down as far as you can?

Breathesgirl 01-16-2012 11:13 PM

I don't think I can itemize it like that.

I can tell you that it took nearly two years for me to feel comfortable enough with Possibility to consider more than a hug or a friendship kiss. Some of this was due to my being new to being actively poly and partly due to a HUGE bump (it would have bottomed out a HumVee) in the road very early on in our 'getting to now you' stage.

Late last year we had to take a life-kicking-you-in-the-teeth break for several months and are just now talking about starting things back up.

To summarize, I go slower than a snail with relationships. I've been burned too many times to go any faster.

redpepper 01-17-2012 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl (Post 120705)
To summarize, I go slower than a snail with relationships. I've been burned too many times to go any faster.

agreed!

I had a no kissing thing with Leo. We never got passed that because it ended before we got there.

riftara 01-17-2012 08:52 PM

My problem is selfish me wants what we had.

I messed things up though, so her giving even a little bit of a chance means the world to me.

Is it crazy that Im jumping for joy to be able to touch her without feeling like Im overstepping some boundary

BlackUnicorn 01-17-2012 09:57 PM

Haha, this is going to make me look so bad :D.

Sometime during dates 1-3 with a new person, there will be sex. If it's nice and cool, there will be other sexdates and hanging out. After a month of two, there's a check-in on what exactly is going on, if this is an FWB, dating or girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If it's a bf/gf stuff, it becomes officially a RELATIONSHIP. And that's about it.

Not of much help to you, I can imagine :o. Is there a backstory to this situation with her that I can read somewhere?

nycindie 01-18-2012 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn (Post 120843)
Haha, this is going to make me look so bad :D.

Sometime during dates 1-3 with a new person, there will be sex. If it's nice and cool, there will be other sexdates and hanging out. After a month of two, there's a check-in on what exactly is going on, if this is an FWB, dating or girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If it's a bf/gf stuff, it becomes officially a RELATIONSHIP. And that's about it.

Where is the "bad" part?

BlackUnicorn 01-18-2012 10:35 AM

I think there's some internal conditioning I have that says jumping in the sack with people you've just met is not a good start for a relationship. Or that going slow is preferable to going fast.

As to you, riftara, I just read through your blog and have to say wow. You have a lot on your plate. Mind if I ask if T IDs as bisexual, i.e. is she interested in women on principle, or just you?


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