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-   -   Greetings From San Antonio TX (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20012)

jdsetac 01-13-2012 06:00 PM

Greetings From San Antonio TX
I am Jim, a 56, soon to be 57 retiree from the Air Force, 18 yrs now. Work as a programmer for the city. Have been married for 32 yrs now, and we had been active in the swing lifestyle (had as in past). He health has gone south, and she has lost interest in me in the intimacy department, but still allows me to see others.

I am curious about this lifestyle and thought i would check it out, perhaps meet some new friends along the way. I am more to the bi curious side, cause i still love women more.

I am a man of the simple pleasures of life, find a smile on a womans face more attractive than anything. then of course i look, i am a guy, its what we do. Bit nuts at times if you cant tell.

km34 01-13-2012 06:03 PM

Welcome! My husband and I have also made the connection between swinging and poly. Have you talked to your wife about your interest in forming more emotional connections instead of purely physical ones?

jdsetac 01-13-2012 06:08 PM

This is a tough one
She is pretty much non responsive to just about anything. not interested in me physically, not much emotionally. Its been 4 + yrs now, and i just need to feel that emotional connection and of course the physical connection as well. i have decided that it is time to see to myself, instead of just her needs

make any sense?

km34 01-13-2012 06:35 PM

It makes sense, I am curious, though. Have you two worked on your connection? Since she has been feeling distant for 4 years if not more, have you sought counseling or tried to reconnect in any way? Has she shown any interest in trying to reestablish her physical interest by trying to figure out the cause of her interest waning?

My main concern is that you are doing this just because you're lonely. Even though you say your wife is non-responsive, have you thought about how she will react if/when you DO find another relationship?

The last few days, I have been all about telling people to do what they need to do, but you have to be willing to deal with the consequences. I'm not telling you that seeking a poly relationship isn't the course for you, and I'm not judging you at all, but I'm just concerned about the state of your marriage and how it would affect any additional people who you bring into your life.

jdsetac 01-13-2012 06:55 PM

Yes i have considered the consequences, and i didnt start right away. I have thought long and very hard. Her health started going bad 4 yrs ago. she had knee replacment surgery, had her own couple of scares with possible cancer after annual female exams, lost her sister to throat cancer, two very good friends to pancreatic cancer. was in a veh accident where she got hit by a fully loaded 18 wheel gravel truck (AND WALKED AWAY WITHOUT A SCRATCH). her message (when i can get her to open up to me) is that one or both of us is allways sick.

yes i have considered counselling, and she knows the options we have available to us. simply put, she doesnt think she needs counselling. i would go myslef, and i have in the past, without her. if you know anything, you know that if a person is to change that change has to come from within themselves, not from anyone else.

your right about the lonliness, i most certainly am. but this has been a very long time coming. and i am not entering into this unaware or unadvised. i simply want to explore and learn more about the lifestyle. it very well could be that it is not for me, but who the heck knows.

i cant talk to her, she doesnt open up to me. ive never hit her, only actually yelled i can count on less that one hand the number of times. ive been there for her and with her thru every thing. all this she freely admits to and acknowledges. but she just will nto open up and tell me whats on her mind and in her heart. just drives me nucking futs (my attempt at humor)

by the way, im house trained, have had my shots, and i dont bite (unless upon request)

km34 01-13-2012 07:03 PM

I'm still amazed at the walking away without a scratch part. That's amazing!

I'm not trying to pick on you, I promise. I think exploring the community and the idea of poly is a great idea, and I hope you are able to find happiness. If your wife isn't willing to work with you, then you're right, nothing will change. Maybe she will see you being there for her but taking the steps to take care of yourself as a sign she needs to put more effort out too.

Oh, and if you're house trained, does that mean you always remember to put the lid down?! Because my husband could really use a lesson or two and I just don't know how to approach it in a new way that will stick! :p

jdsetac 01-13-2012 07:10 PM

Its A "Man" Thang
Its a man thing sweetheart. Has he learned to take his underwear off and flip them in the air with his foot and catch them? thats also a "man" thing LOL

btw, i have been known to growl at and hike my leg on people who are a wee tad bit on the obnoxious side. LOL

km34 01-13-2012 07:15 PM


Originally Posted by jdsetac (Post 120181)
Its a man thing sweetheart. Has he learned to take his underwear off and flip them in the air with his foot and catch them? thats also a "man" thing LOL

Thank goodness, NO! I've never heard of this one and will make sure he does NOT read this part or he will start practicing! :rolleyes:


Originally Posted by jdsetac (Post 120181)
btw, i have been known to growl at and hike my leg on people who are a wee tad bit on the obnoxious side. LOL

Now this I could support. Just sayin' some people I know would deserve it... lol

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