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-   -   Love you but... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19955)

marksbabygirl 01-12-2012 12:43 AM

Love you but...
 
What do you do when you love someone you CAN'T have a relationship with?

UGH.

Can't as in HIS life doesn't allow for additional relationships and he's married.

Fucking bloody hell. Its not like I can avoid him either :(

ImaginaryIllusion 01-12-2012 01:51 AM

Nothing?

Unrequited love I'm pretty familiar with...I could make a career of barking up the wrong tree if someone would just pay me for it!:cool:

But yeah...just because you might want a relationship with someone, doesn't mean it would be right for them. Would it be ethical to force anything in such a circumstance?

So I do the only thing I can...carry on.

marksbabygirl 01-12-2012 02:29 AM

I suppose I know all that already.

Thanks for the reminder. I'll just keep on keeping on... smile and nod and do my best to lock my feelings up when he's around.

AnnabelMore 01-12-2012 03:53 AM

Does he know how you feel?

marksbabygirl 01-12-2012 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 119902)
Does he know how you feel?

Kinda sorta. It's a long story. Today as I got off the phone with him he said "Love you" and I said it back but given our life, I don't know how he meant it... :p

nycindie 01-12-2012 09:12 AM

Well then, he loves you, you love him... sounds like you can and do have a relationship with him, but as a friend and not a lover. I don't think it's your love you need to "lock up" -- it's the lust. I find that if I let myself enjoy the friendship for everything it gives me, eventually the lust dies down and isn't as overwhelming, which makes enjoying the attraction much easier and joyful.

Somegeezer 01-12-2012 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 119946)
Well then, he loves you, you love him... sounds like you can and do have a relationship with him, but as a friend and not a lover. I don't think it's your love you need to "lock up" -- it's the lust. I find that if I let myself enjoy the friendship for everything it gives me, eventually the lust dies down and isn't as overwhelming, which makes enjoying the attraction much easier and joyful.

+1
Sounds like that to me too. Been there plenty myself, I'm sure many of us have. =]

BlackUnicorn 01-12-2012 04:08 PM

That's pretty much the deal with me and Sweetheart right now. Mutually acknowledged loving feelings and maybe, someday, we'll be able to meet and not have to feel like we are going behind his wife's back or something. It can still be wonderful and meaningful and yes, frustrating, but would you rather cut him out of your life completely?

marksbabygirl 01-12-2012 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn (Post 119983)
...would you rather cut him out of your life completely?

There is no cutting him out of my life. Circumstances dictate that he will be in my life a LONG time.

I will just enjoy the time I get to spend with him and maintain a composure that is comfortable for all involved.

:)

Castalia 01-12-2012 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 119946)
Well then, he loves you, you love him... sounds like you can and do have a relationship with him, but as a friend and not a lover. I don't think it's your love you need to "lock up" -- it's the lust. I find that if I let myself enjoy the friendship for everything it gives me, eventually the lust dies down and isn't as overwhelming, which makes enjoying the attraction much easier and joyful.


I am in a somewhat similar situation and I hope at some point to be able to follow nycindie's advice. Good luck


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