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-   -   Teenagers (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1991)

Breathesgirl 01-17-2010 01:36 PM

I have twin 14 y/o boys. One of them very much digs girls, the other one not so much yet.

I'm at a loss as to how to broach the subject of polyamory in a non-threatening or scarey way to the one who digs girls. He's told me things like: he was at a b/d party last weekend (the ONLY male there btw) and one of the girls was leaning against his back and another had her head on his chest. All of this gives me a warm fuzzy feeling because he's obviously comfortable enough with me, especially when his brother's not around, to discuss these things with me and because it seems like he's open minded enough to allow that there MIGHT be other relationship models out there other than his parents' failed marriage.

I've always been fairly open about sex and sexuality with them and plan on continuing to be so.

Maybe I should just let things ride for now, see where they lead.

I've always tried to expose them to alternative lifestyles (Pride day events, BDSM family friendly picnics, poly picnics, etc.) and for some reason I just can't figure out how to explain this to him in a way that's non-judgmental, open, honest and non-threatening.

Where's my copy of "Sex and Sexuality for teens" that was SUPPOSED to be delivered the day they turned 13? lol

Thanx for any and all thoughts.


NeonKaos 01-17-2010 01:52 PM

b/d means "birthday", right?

Breathesgirl 01-17-2010 02:00 PM

Yes, b/d is birthday:). Sorry, I get so used to texting with the kids that I sometimes forget I can type things out long hand without running out of room.

After I sent the original post I went in search of a site I was told about ages ago but could never remember the name of. I found it!


There is a section in there about polyamory (I found it using the provided search engine).

I emailed it to both of them with an explanation of WHY I sent it, lol.

I still want to talk to them face to face but maybe this will open the doors of communication a crack instead of the teeny-tiny window or dryer vent!


constlady 01-17-2010 02:37 PM

Thanks for that link Robin!
I've got a soon to be 12 year old in the house and while she's aware that my boyfriend has another girlfriend who has another boyfriend and we all consider ourselves family, she hasn't asked much yet about the details so I haven't gone there with her.

I'm definitely saving that site for when the time comes!

Breathesgirl 01-17-2010 02:52 PM

You're very welcome:)


GroundedSpirit 01-17-2010 05:26 PM

Hi Breath,

Things like this - at least from what we've experienced raising 5, seem to require the "right moment". :) Hopefully that moment will come, probably in the form of a conversation that surfaces about someone 'dating' more than one person.
When those conversations appeared in our house we took the opportunity to present the fact that there are, and have been, many healthy, successful relationships that involved more than 2 people and it has a name. Then they're encouraged to go learn about it with an offer of some starting points if they want it. And expressed that if they run into something they don't quite understand - come ask ! Now, with the net, you can be sure they will come up with loads of resources in 5 min !
In our case, it comes with the warning that such relationships are more complex and more work, but for those up to the challenge the result can be worth it. But taking shortcuts won't cut it. Make sure you're up for it by learning first what's really involved.


Breathesgirl 01-17-2010 09:14 PM

Thanx:) GroundedSpirit.

I kind of suspect that that's what will happen around here. We (or at least I) usually wait until they ask a question although some things came about because they needed to be discussed at that time instead of waiting for them to ask, learn it in Sex Ed, from friends, etc.


LovingRadiance 01-18-2010 06:02 AM

cool site, ordered their book for my sister today. :)

Breathesgirl 01-18-2010 09:54 AM

Glad you liked it :)


Lemondrop 01-18-2010 09:55 PM

My then-14yo, now 15yo, reacted badly when we told him. He's still somewhat negative, though grudgingly accepting most of the time. He has said, "Love should be between two people" and indicated that he's embarrassed about our relationship. It's my fault, really--we had polyamorous friends and I always felt that while that might work for them, it wasn't for me. Now I'm eating my words.

I can't think of how I would have handled it differently. I think you did a good thing with that link, and I think I'm going to have to send it to my son.

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