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-   -   She says yes Poly, and stalls, lies, gets angry and destorys meetings, what to do? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1979)

will 01-15-2010 03:33 PM

She says yes Poly, and stalls, lies, gets angry and destorys meetings, what to do?
 
I'm with someone who said they are open to poly, discussed it in detail with me, even explored it with me, but when it comes to meeting people.. she does everything to sabotage ... although the excuses are ligitimate seemingly.. under the surface they always turn out to be lies. I think she dosenet want poly, she just wants me to "give-up" because there is no one. She says she loves everything about me, good looking, honest, caring, etc. etc. and there are many great qualities about her, but in this regard, i think she is trying to run out the clock so to speak so that she dosent have to tell me the truth, but i give up, and she gets what she really wants.. a monogomous relationship, which is fine; but, at the same time She makes a fool of me in public or in front of anyone, i think on purpose, to prevent poly from ever happening.

What to do? do i just break up with her for being dishonest about her wanting poly? moreso just being dishonest.. I mean if she will not be real with me on that, then what chance do we really have for a relationship long term... i already feel humiliated (hard for a guy to admit!), lied to, deceived, but more so isolated, because its like i'm alone until I give into what she wants... I just want to leave, but then she will put on such a show, such a drama, to everyone, about how much she loves me, how i make her so happy.. but still, even today, I'm alone, no one to talk to about the things i want to.. and i'm told what da hell, I shouldnt feel this way....

Any suggestions?

I'm looking for other posts simular to see what others suggest, if you have any suggestions, please I appreciate all, and I hope for everyone a properous 2010!

Sincerely, Thanks,

CielDuMatin 01-15-2010 03:55 PM

Will, welcome to the forums, first.

I think it would help to give us some more background as to how you got to the place you are in today - did you start off as a monogamous couple and you found out about poly, or did you know about your polyness before you met her?

I think that might go a ways towards giving us information that we can use to help you a bit.

In your last post you were talking about a woman who left you for a "drug dealer" - is this the same person?

Thanks

GroundedSpirit 01-15-2010 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by will (Post 20064)
What to do? do i just break up with her for being dishonest about her wanting poly? moreso just being dishonest.. I mean if she will not be real with me on that, then what chance do we really have for a relationship long term...

Yea Will, lot of Danger Ahead signs here for sure.
A lot of general game playing apparent here which either speaks to general immaturity or potential selfishness. Agendas showing.
I'd say trust your instincts.

GS

Fidelia 01-15-2010 07:44 PM

Hi, Will. Welcome to the forums.

BrotherMan, I'm about to tell you some things you already know. Please forgive me if I'm stating the obvious.

You are being manipulated. Your ladyfriend is not dealing honestly with you. (I am assuming she's not mentally ill.) She does not want a polyamorous relationship, or she would not sabotage your efforts in that direction. Look at her ACTIONS, not just her words. People can SAY anything, but our actions reveal our heart.

As long as this manipulative, dramatic behavior is working for her, she has no reason to change it. If you want her to change her behavior, you must change your response. In other words, when the drama stops working, the drama will stop.

She's happy with the status quo and you're not. You must carefully consider the situation, and decide whether your relationship with her, as it currently stands, is meeting enough of your needs, or whether the potential is there that it can be re-worked so that it meets your needs in the future. Once you've decided that, your next move should be clearer.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

Ttree 08-17-2012 04:49 PM

It sounds like she is being downright emotionally abusive and insecure. It would help if you'd give some more information but so far it sounds to me as if she does not want you to have ANY relationships, romantic or otherwise. She does not sound right for you at all. It sounds like you have already told her how you feel. I think you would honestly be happier without someone like that in your life.

nycindie 08-17-2012 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ttree (Post 148719)
It sounds like she is being downright emotionally abusive and insecure. It would help if you'd give some more information but so far it sounds to me as if she does not want you to have ANY relationships, romantic or otherwise. She does not sound right for you at all. It sounds like you have already told her how you feel. I think you would honestly be happier without someone like that in your life.

Ttree, to whom are you directing your comments? The OP hasn't visited this forum in over two years. We don't have issues with resurrecting very old threads, but maybe you could share why this one struck you and moved you to comment, for the benefit of current readers.

AutumnalTone 08-18-2012 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by will (Post 20064)
...the same time She makes a fool of me in public or in front of anyone, i think on purpose, to prevent poly from ever happening.
...
... i already feel humiliated (hard for a guy to admit!), lied to, deceived, but more so isolated....

Why are you tolerating this? Address that issue and I suspect you'll find it easy to decide what to do.

Storm77 08-19-2012 01:31 AM

LOL! I started reading this and ready to reply since it come up as a "new post" never even thought about looking at the dates till I got to "nycindie" comments and looked up thinking huh!?

I admit I've done the same thing, sometimes sections have old topics we come in and to use it's new so we comment, lol. Not noticing how many years old it is.

will 08-19-2012 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ttree (Post 148719)
It sounds like she is being downright emotionally abusive and insecure. It would help if you'd give some more information but so far it sounds to me as if she does not want you to have ANY relationships, romantic or otherwise. She does not sound right for you at all. It sounds like you have already told her how you feel. I think you would honestly be happier without someone like that in your life.

Tree, i like to thank you very very much for the reply, and others say its been two years and yes it has.. and you know that is very sad. Last year i finally broke away from this person; and to give back ground, yes I told her in the VERY BEGINNING.. nothing was suprise or new to that situation; But Ttree, i needed to hear what you had to say, and over the last few days i read your reply several times... it was healing to let me know i am doing the right things. I have no one right now, and maybe someday i may find the right place to build a family or maybe not, but for now i'm focused in business and hopefully that empty spot for a family in my heart may find its place.

I appreciate ALL THE RESPONSES, THEY ARE ALL VERY HELPFUL (Even the sarcastic ones about my absence)... THANK YOU.

opalescent 08-20-2012 05:14 PM

Really?!
 
Cuninglingwist,

Why are you posting in this forum? You seem to just want to post wank fodder for yourself. You don't seem to get that bisexual and lesbian women are real people who are not in porn. Your posts are not at all on point.

Also, if the story you talk about is true - which it isn't - you arranged for a girl to rape another girl. That's completely unacceptable in real life. Fantasy - which is where this took place - is different because it's not real.

That's not what this forum is for. Go elsewhere if you want wank fodder.


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