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-   -   TN Newbie (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19713)

Lokibb 01-04-2012 02:04 PM

TN Newbie
Hello I am Lisa.
I am 44 and live in NE Tennessee. I am Bi (not having had but a few partners) but my husband is straight.
We are in a mono relationship (FOR 6 YEARS) that is sort of working but, I am interested in finding out more about a OPEN relationship. Right now this is "MY" thing but I do not want to loose my husband, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place not knowing how he will feel about opening our marriage. He knows I have been with other women before we were married but he has never has really said much about it. Im so torn right now in knowing how to approach this with him (any help is greatly appreciated).

I look forward to the board and all it has to offer as well as getting to know the people here.

freyamarie 01-04-2012 03:10 PM

Well, you just find a time and sit down and talk about the differences between monogamy and non monogamy and tell him you have been recently thinking about whether non-monogamy is an option or not in your marriage.

You will never know how he feels about it if you don't address it with him. The fear itself is worse than just feeling him out about what he thinks and feels.

If you have done much reading here, and I encourage you to do so, then you will be able to prepare yourself for the many ways he might respond. Be prepared for any response and allow him the time to really think about it and get back to you. He may have never even considered it an option, after all.

Best of luck to you.

km34 01-04-2012 05:01 PM

Since right now you say you're just interested in finding out more to see if it is something that might work for you, I would tell your husband you've been thinking about how happy being with women used to make you (assuming you are going to focus on just finding a woman(en) at least at first) and see if HE will find out more WITH you.

Personally, I brought up polyamory with my husband as soon as I had the thought/feeling so that he could get used to the idea with me. The transition was much easier because we were both growing together - even though I was ready sooner, he felt included in the decision and was ready to support me in any way he could. Granted, we were already sexually open so this wasn't too far of a jump.

Regardless of the situation, all you can do is bring it up, help him learn more while you explore, and see what needs to happen next to try to make your life more fulfilled.

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