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-   -   Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197)

MonoVCPHG 05-04-2009 02:26 AM

Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness
There is often a lot of struggle discussed in these forums. Struggle is natural and often necessary in achieving things that are worthwhile. I got caught up in some of the non-positive aspects of polyamory and allowed a lot of painful energy to enter my life. As a result I began feeling increased fear, doubt, and frustration in not understanding how my girlfriend Redpepper shares love and intimacy. (I am monogamous/ she is polyamorous). I want to share with the brave and interesting people on this forum but not at the detriment of the amazing love I have with Redpepper.

For this reason this thread is about sharing positive stories, success, happiness and good times in our and your poly lives.

.................................................. .................................................. ......

To re-assure, and hopefully reinforce, that this is in fact natural (although not my nature LOL!), wonderful and worth working towards for those who want it, I have decided to share a quick but wonderful achievement in our lives.

Last night, Redpepper, her husband, her Lover and me along with several other friends got together. We chatted and laughed at a pub before heading to the bar for some well needed but poorly musically funded dancing. At the pub I chuckled in watching Redpepper move around the table chatting with everyone, lovers and friends alike. This didn’t appear to be work or a balancing act. It looked like her doing what comes naturally to her, socializing and sharing with her friends.

At the bar we all danced together at times, in different small groups at times, and as couples at times. There was no jealousy or “greediness” for her attention. There was fun interacting amongst friends who care for each other.

We are very proud in what we have. That doesn’t make it easy, but makes it unbelievably fulfilling and completely worth every moment of anxiety, fear and insecurity. There is a shared love amongst us for one person and each other.

The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being. Redpepper seemed more relaxed than I have ever seen her in this dynamic last night. There is no pulling to monopolize or even balance her attention amongst her Lovers. There is just enjoyment in her presence and appreciation for the happiness she gives all of us. Seeing her Lovers together as friends and enjoying time together gives her a radiance I can't describe!

We all have to work to make this possible…Redpepper more than any of us...but with genuine caring you stop noticing the “work” aspect and it just becomes our nature to look after each other.

Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)

Olivier 05-07-2009 02:41 PM

Nice to read this.. very nice :)

River 05-07-2009 03:15 PM


Originally Posted by Olivier (Post 775)
Nice to read this.. very nice :)


MonoVCPHG 05-25-2009 07:23 PM

Yesterday I went with Redpepper, her husband and their son to a local island to look at some property for them. Her husband grew up on the island and he enjoyed showing me his old neighbourhood. I met his father and step mother as well although I am considered a friend with both their parents.

Throughout the day we rotated the car seating so each of us got to talk with each other as well as spend time with their son. On the ferry ride, Redpepper sat between us at one point and had her arm around both of us. I didn't even look for people's response..simply because I don't care. As long as her husband is comfortable and it is not so obvious to confuse her son I am fine with it.

At one point we were having a picnic styled lunch and it really struck me how natural and wonderful all of us together feels. Her husband is someone I could have a deep friendship with in any case. Getting to know him is just another gift Redpepper and polyamory has given me. Her son wanted me to spend the night again LOL so I am feeling very good about my presence in regards to his well being. Redpepper's family is starting to ask more questions about me which is humorous and kind of nerve wracking!

Feeling how good this is did stir up some fears of me screwing it up due to my mono nature but discussing things with Redpepper once again made me feel comfortable and safe.
I am on an amazing and fulfilling journey..we all are..I feel blessed in so many ways!!

Danny40179 05-27-2009 04:12 PM

ROCK ON MONO AND RED!!! I"m so happy for you guys. There are indeed too many stories of struggle on this board. Don't get me wrong, that's what this board is all about, but it's always wonderful to read a success story!

I'm thrilled for you guys and look forward to many more happy stories!!

MonoVCPHG 06-18-2009 05:30 PM

Hi everyone,
Just a short update on the journey me and Redpepper have been on :).

The love between us has been continuing to reach new levels that stagger both of us. The relationship I have with her husband and son is flourishing and I am feeling more and more like family. Her son asked me if I was going to stay in this family and in the manner of children stated that “he was” LOL! He also tells me he loves me and I love him as well.

Her husband and I have enjoyed working together on projects while camping and he has become my closest and most trusted confidant outside of Redpepper herself. I can share my worries and feelings with him as he is very logical and non judgemental in seeing through the emotional clouds that Redpepper and me have peered through at times.

Redpepper and I went through a very serious moment of misunderstanding each other which gave us a taste of what losing each other would feel like. This came out of misinterpreting our expectations and boundaries. More than anything it was due to different definitions of the same ideas and words. It was honestly terrifying and yet once we figured out what each other really needed and wanted we were basically on the same page! The result has been a new level of confidence and security in our relationship which has filled us with excitement in so many ways.

We are not forcing the future although we all have similar goals and desires. Essentially everyone in this relationship wants each other to be happy. Each of us is communicating and looking out for the well being of the other. I have no issues with time balance or public displays of affection when we are all together. (Except she tries to get me in trouble LOL!) My family is completely aware of our relationship and Redpepper’s family know I am a very close personal friend and occasional “babysitter” for thier son.

I can’t really speak for Redpepper and her husband but they seem as strong as ever and as in love as ever. I take great joy in aiding them in spending alone time together which makes me feel like I am bringing them closer as a couple. I am quite comfortable in referring to myself as a secondary (although that is not the word they would prefer), and will always put their family and primary relationship first and foremost.

As a group, we are active in the local poly community through monthly meetings where I humbly feel people view us as an example of deep poly success and what can be achieved if the right people come together.

We have challenges ahead I’m sure..but they are getting harder to identify and we are focussing on the present as opposed to living in a future that isn’t here yet.
I am extremely proud of Redpepper and feel blessed by every minute we have together alone and as a family if I might be so bold to use the word. I love her with all my heart and want only for her to be fulfilled and flourish. I definitely feel like a positive in her life and to her family which is my critical requirement to be healthy and happy.

Take care everyone
This wasn't quite as short as I intended :D

Mark1npt 06-22-2009 11:24 PM

That's wonderful, Mono....very happy for you!

polyfx 06-23-2009 04:16 PM

This is very positive! :)

MonoVCPHG 07-05-2009 07:43 AM

Another update!

I'm not pretending there are not challenges for me and Redpepper, everything is not all flowers and butterflies but I want to continue sharing our adventure on this thread:)

Tonight I was invited to Redpepper's parents house for a family supper. It was relaxed, incredible and so natural for all of us to be together. Her brother was there as well as a deep family friend of hers. We felt like family; Redpeppper felt it, I caught her looking around and looking so full. Her parents do not know about us yet and that is absolutely fine by me:) I think we could wait a lot longer in my opinion for things to settle out..not to mention it's gonna get awkward!! They accept me as a friend and that is enough for me LOL!!

All of us would have been friends regardless of my involvement in their family I think. We are all doing great in the moment:D

Sunshinegrl 07-05-2009 10:05 AM

That'S Such a positive update. Its great to see your relationship flourishing. You both sound Very much in love and very content.

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