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-   -   Jealous About Somethings and not Others (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19677)

BFTrick 01-03-2012 02:30 PM

Jealous About Somethings and not Others
Hello there,

I was just thinking about how there are some things that make me feel really jealous and somethings that couldn't bother me less. My partner of course has a different list and I find it humorous how different our views are.

For example: My gf and her other bf were worrying about the kiss on New Years Eve and who gets to kiss her first. To me it is unimportant - I told the other bf he can kiss her first. On the other hand the gf and her other bf were able to choose each others resolutions and I feel left out.

What are some of yours? Do they have a specific theme?

redpepper 01-03-2012 03:24 PM

I feel jealous about time at the moment. I have a boyfriend that just bought a business and has no time for me. Our dates are becoming few and far between because of it. I'm concerned about his wife in all this as she seemingly gets LESS date time than me, but when I hear he has been out with other people or has met other people I know and even stood on the front step for five minutes and talked to them I get jealous.... well, envious really.

Ya, kissing at New Years and those other such traditions I don't subscribe to. I do like to make resolutions just because it feels right at this time of year some how. Not because everyone else is. Something about the winter and spring coming. I have no jealousy around people coming into my space and globbing on to me and my life, lol. Or hearing about others doing the same with my loves.... what's the opposite of jealous? ;)

ThatGirlInGray 01-03-2012 05:43 PM

This topic is exactly why I went looking for a poly forum!

I have never considered myself a jealous person. My husband is free to see/sleep with other people, but he is mono and does not care to. My LDR is also free to see/sleep with other people and it doesn't bother me beyond wishing he lived closer so we could see each other in person more often. I've always said that I would prefer to know ahead of time, but if circumstances don't allow for that, just let me know as soon as possible.

I recently (like last week) discovered that I DO, in fact, have a jealousy issue. I introduced my LDR to an online friend of mine who is poly. I think she's an awesome person and had been telling him for a while that he should get to know her. So he did- and ended up playing with her online soon after. When he told me later, it BOTHERED me.

He and I have talked about it, and figure several factors were at work, like how quickly it happened, and feeling left out of something involving my friend and bf, but mostly I think it comes down to the venue. He lives almost 2,000 miles away, and our relationship takes place mostly online. If he were going out on a date or something, yes I'd miss him and think about him but I'd be glad that he was (hopefully) having fun. It's not like I can be there to go out with him or sleep with him! But playing with someone online, while I was available online, is what got to me the most. It turns out he didn't realize I was available, as he thought other stuff was going on, but that initial gut twist still surprised me.

His last significant relationship really put him through the wringer. We both know he has issues to work through, but it turns out that I do too! Hopefully this turns out to be a good, sort of equalizing thing, rather than making an already complicated situation even more difficult to work through.

(Yes, this is my very first post. I'll head over to the introductions thread next, promise!)

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