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-   -   Setting Each Other's Resolutions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19676)

BFTrick 01-03-2012 02:22 PM

Setting Each Other's Resolutions
 
So my gf and her bf (the other side of the vee) decided that they would write each other's resolutions the new year. They are also the ones to be held accountable to should the other person not work on their resolution.

They have been dating longer, they live together, and they are more intimate with each other so it makes sense... but it still sucks. It would have been nice if I could have created say one resolution (of the three). She did go as far as to say that she would be willing to hold me accountable for my resolutions.

I plan on telling her that I'm a little jealous of their intimacy. I understand that they are closer but it would have been nice to be included. I hope that someday I can be as close to her as he is.

Thoughts?

zylya 01-03-2012 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BFTrick (Post 118416)
So my gf and her bf (the other side of the vee) decided that they would write each other's resolutions the new year. They are also the ones to be held accountable to should the other person not work on their resolution.

They have been dating longer, they live together, and they are more intimate with each other so it makes sense... but it still sucks. It would have been nice if I could have created say one resolution (of the three). She did go as far as to say that she would be willing to hold me accountable for my resolutions.

I plan on telling her that I'm a little jealous of their intimacy. I understand that they are closer but it would have been nice to be included. I hope that someday I can be as close to her as he is.

Thoughts?

I can't think of anything worse than someone telling me what to work on for the next year. Mind you, since they're not coming up with it for themselves, they're more likely to fail since there's no personal investment in it for them.

If I was you, I'd be glad that I wasn't a part of this co-dependent behaviour.

Do you really want someone else to tell you how you should improve yourself for the next year or do you think that's something that you should do for yourself? Because it doesn't sound intimate to me, it sounds controlling.

redpepper 01-03-2012 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zylya (Post 118418)
I can't think of anything worse than someone telling me what to work on for the next year. Mind you, since they're not coming up with it for themselves, they're more likely to fail since there's no personal investment in it for them.

If I was you, I'd be glad that I wasn't a part of this co-dependent behaviour.

Do you really want someone else to tell you how you should improve yourself for the next year or do you think that's something that you should do for yourself? Because it doesn't sound intimate to me, it sounds controlling.

I totally agree. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Ya, talk about co-dependent! ;) I'd have nothing to do with it while I watch it fail and would likely stand about laughing in that "oh you guuuys" kind of way. :rolleyes: :p If that is what it means to be close to someone, ya, I'd rather not and go about doing things that REALLY build closeness like sharing what I intend to work and asking her what she intends to work on for the year in a deep and meaningful discussion.

nycindie 01-03-2012 03:33 PM

Who even remembers their New Year's resolutions two months later? These things don't matter much, and if it did, I would really resent someone else telling me what I should resolve to do or be in the coming year. If I were you, I'd be glad you were not included on this idiotic idea!

BFTrick 01-03-2012 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zylya (Post 118418)
I can't think of anything worse than someone telling me what to work on for the next year.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 118420)
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 118422)
If I were you, I'd be glad you were not included on this idiotic idea!

Ouch. Let me clarify a bit. They both know each other well enough that they can easily pick resolutions that fit the other person. For example Tess hasn't had much reading for pleasure time. One of the suggestions was to at least once a week have a block of 3 hours to dedicate to reading. It is something that all of us are aware that she wants but she has been putting it off. I think it is a great resolution.

zylya 01-03-2012 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BFTrick (Post 118439)
Ouch. Let me clarify a bit. They both know each other well enough that they can easily pick resolutions that fit the other person. For example Tess hasn't had much reading for pleasure time. One of the suggestions was to at least once a week have a block of 3 hours to dedicate to reading. It is something that all of us are aware that she wants but she has been putting it off. I think it is a great resolution.

Ah, but that's not what you said before. You said they were writing each others' resolutions, which is the same as telling each other what to work on. Now you're saying that it's just suggestions on things they might like to do.

If it really is the second one, then that's fine, but tbh just because it's a new year's resolution doesn't make it any more special. If you're in a long-term thing with someone then surely you're talking about your decisions and goals anyway? Just because you don't arrange a specific sit-down with your partner to each go over your goals, does that mean that you never talk about it? Of course not! And if they're just suggestions, then why are you not able to put your suggestion in?

Vixtoria 01-04-2012 06:37 PM

Have you mentioned that it bothered you? We did something similar, New Year's Eve. Hubby and the kids and I sat around and made suggestions for each other, but it was just playful. Mostly because the kids would make a comment and in return their siblings got to. Good-natured ribbing on odd music or show tastes and then some more serious discussions on what we see the other might want to work on. Nothing was finalized though hubby and I did ask each other about what the kids saw as things we should do.

Honestly, resolutions just didn't feel important this year. Like we will make changes and try to make things better for ourselves as we go, as we have all year so why does the New Year make it different?

Derbylicious 01-04-2012 07:07 PM

I think that if someone tried to set a new years resolution for me I would likely self sabotage. I think that my partners know me well enough that they *could* set goals for me that would be things that I honestly do want to work on...but then again they probably also know me well enough to know that I don't do what I'm told :p;)


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