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-   -   Looking for..advice? guidance? Someone to talk to? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19650)

Unperfect 01-02-2012 10:13 AM

I'm looking for..advice? guidance? Someone to talk to?
 
I don't really even know how to begin. Im female, in my 20's. I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years and our boyfriend of 2 years. We live together, have for over a year.
I recently found out that I am pregnant (father is without a doubt the boyfriend). We were not, in any way, meaning to have a child - although all involved are supportive.
I am terrified. I am afraid that my child, our child will be taken from us. Girlfriend doesn't think that this can happen, though Im sure that it can. I have no idea what to do. I only know that I want to keep our little family together. Does anyone here have experience with this? I am so stressed out and miserable over this that Im sure it can't be healthy for the baby, which in turn just causes more stress and worry.
If this thread is in the wrong place, please let me know. Ive been lurking here for a few days, but have yet to post anything. I know I should have probably introduced myself first, but I dont know where else to turn and I found this site quite by accident.

StumblingAlong 01-02-2012 01:14 PM

I think your over reacting a bit but I understand it. I'm sure as long as you all are together and not fighting for custody, abusing, neglecting or harming the child no one can take it. they have to have reason to take a child from its parents.

KindaPOd 01-02-2012 03:19 PM

Unless the child is living in an abusive home, you should be fine.

My wife also felt similar during her pregnancy. Partly because of all the hormonal changes that were going on. Partly because her maternal instincts were kicking in, so she became very protective of our baby. A child will undoubtedly bring a lot of changes and new responsibilities into your life, so it's unsurprising that you'd feel stressed out.

I'd say that your feelings aren't too far out.

What stage are you at with your pregnancy? My wife was at her moodiest during her second trimester.

nycindie 01-02-2012 07:53 PM

Are you sure you want to have a baby in the first place? There are alternatives.

Unperfect 01-03-2012 05:20 AM

I have been known to over react. I'm high strung and easily stressed normally. I just can't shake theses horrible feelings that something bad is going to happen.
KindaPOd, you are probably right about the hormones. I am 9 weeks pregnant.
And yes, I do want this baby. I'm overwhelmed and stressed to my breaking point, but I've never wanted anything more.

redpepper 01-03-2012 08:03 AM

I live with my two men. We're fine. Why wouldn't you be? Take a deep breath. Calm yourself down for goodness sake. Its going to be fine. No one needs to know details about your personal life. Its not the 50's where you will be carted off to have an illegitimate child. Besides, you aren't alone! You have two people in your life that are going to help you and want the baby too no? You have a situation that could work. More than most that come through here anyway. :) get on creating a family with child. Concentrate on what IS happening, not what COULD happen!

ThatGirlInGray 01-03-2012 05:50 PM

I dealt with paranoia while pregnant, so if you can calm down, great, but if you can't, don't beat yourself up over it.

In the current economy there are LOTS of situations where people are living with roommates to save money. Unless someone is suing for custody or child support, no one in a position of authority needs to know the details of your living arrangement and who is sleeping with who.

My bf does not live with us, so I don't have quite the same worry, but with two kids of my own I certainly understand how worry about your kid(s) can take over your ENTIRE brain!

I'm sorry you're so stressed, but congratulations!

Sonic 01-04-2012 09:54 AM

Congratulations :)

Since the custody of your child is probably going to be yours and your boyfriend's, maybe it would be nice to make a parental responsibility agreement between the three of you about taking care of the baby?

It's normal practice in lgbt families where it might be that some of the parents don't get legal parental rights to the baby.

I.e here is some info http://www.alternativefamilylaw.co.u...-parenting.htm


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