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Anyonebutme 01-02-2012 01:52 AM

New and no giudance
 
Ah well, at last i found the courage to join the Forum and put in my first post. I have no idea who to discuss this with, as with a society structure we live in is so rudimentary.

I am married, and my husband is great. But i think its stilll not enough. Why do we try to find everything in one person.

Ok to give a background, I am married for last 2 years. I have love my husband, and i think he is really awesome. But he cant satisfy me in bed. Other than that everything had been so good. I got so frustrated and took a break from us 6 months ago and i went overseas. There i started sleeping with these guys, amazing in bed but i couldn't connect emotionally. And eventually i came back, and he is same loving and caring. and i have realized that i shouldn't look for everything in one person. but the problem still stays.

So my main question, is it wrong to find someone just for sex and no emotions. is it still poly.

Anyone but Me

nycindie 01-02-2012 02:03 AM

Have you tried teaching your husband what you like and communicating with him about what the problem is? Sometimes you have to basically point, explain, guide their hands and mouths, and make sure a guy knows what you want and how to do it. You should look at what is going on between you and hubby and work on it, not just try to find a substitute for whatever bothers you. Polyamory won't work if you're just using the idea of multiple partners to avoid or fix a problem at home. It has to start with a strong, healthy, happy foundation, because other individuals have their own needs and wants and shouldn't be used to solve your problems with your husband, nor be an appendage to your marriage. If you can't discuss it with him, perhaps you can enlist the help of a therapist.

And no, if it's just NSA (No Strings Attached) sexual partners you want without any emotional involvement, caring, and lovingness, that is not really polyamory.

dingedheart 01-02-2012 02:23 AM

How long did you date before marrying?

Did you have sex during that time.

How does your husband feel about opening up your marriage....and the reasons behind it.?.

Does your husband know that during the break you were having sex with other guys?

Anyonebutme 01-03-2012 05:55 AM

As for answering the question.. I have tried to talk to my hubby, but as he is from a very conservative family he is not comfortable talking about it. I have tried to tell him what i like etc, but most of the times he just doesnt wanna have sex. So anything after that is not possible.

Thanks nycindie, i think my issue is not related to polymory. Thanks for explaining.

@dingedheart
we dated for 2 years before we got married.

yes we did have sex, but now it has reduced from twice a week to once a fortnight.

he thinks sex is not that important for the relationship.

No my husband doesnt know anything from my break. as we had a pact that we dont wanna know what happened in that break.

nycindie 01-03-2012 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anyonebutme (Post 118379)
I have tried to talk to my hubby, but as he is from a very conservative family he is not comfortable talking about it. I have tried to tell him what i like etc, but most of the times he just doesnt wanna have sex. So anything after that is not possible. ... it has reduced from twice a week to once a fortnight.

he thinks sex is not that important for the relationship.

Well, don't give up, hon! Get him to talk! Marriages crumble and fall apart when couples don't communicate!

Don't accept his conservative upbringing as an excuse. Tell him how important it is to you, how unhappy you are, get into therapy, see a medical doctor to have his testosterone levels checked, do everything you can. You don't want to let it get so bad you "have to" cheat. Don't stop talking just because he doesn't want to. Sex is too important a part of relationships to just let things slide and be miserable. And it's obvious you are miserable.


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