Hello from soulfly
I will go by soulfly here. To clear up any confusion that may arise over the name, I am male, and no I am not a member of the band by the same name. It just has sentimental value to me.
I'm not sure if my story is typical, as I discovered the exact nature of my sexuality only after years of suppressing it. I don't know how common that is, because this is the first time I've ever attempted to enter into a community of this nature. My real life experience has been limited to a very tight circle of friends. Which I imagine isn't exactly uncommon. But since I don't get much of a chance to interact with polyamorous people on a larger scale, I'm hoping this site will serve as a major learning experience for me.
I'll try to keep my story brief, but I do feel the need to let this out, for my own well being. So if my introduction runs long, I apologize.
I spent a lot of my youth in and out of empty, yet faithfully, monogamous relationships. In each one, there was always this sense that I was much more emotionally involved than my partner. At the time, I didn't understand that the reasons I felt that way were; First, I am, and always have been, a being of love. And second, that I wasn't truly receiving what I needed emotionally from a single partner. Looking back, that means I was probably more unfair to the people in those relationships, than I felt they had been to me at the time.
It wasn't until my mid twenties that I did some heavy soul searching to find that I've always felt honest, emotional connections, for many people. And that the only reason I wasn't fully embracing this fact about myself, was that I was somehow taught that it was morally wrong to ever feel love for more than one person at a time, while simultaneously hating myself for ever thinking along those lines. Before that time though, I couldn't have told you the definition of love as I've come to understand it now.
My online experience since coming forward about my polyamory, has been anything but welcoming. I've come to expect hostile and completely unwarranted attacks from people who don't even understand that polyamory isn't recognized as a word by most spell checkers, let alone what it means. For this reason, I tend to stay uncharacteristically quiet online. I will read many posts, but I'm not sure how many I will respond to. Don't think that it's not because I don't want to, I just don't always feel the freedom to express myself the way I once did. So I edit myself for the sake of avoiding any additional undue hostility. I'm hoping that some time here will help change that, so I can get back to feeling as free as when I first discovered that this is in my very nature. Just posting this has already made me feel a little better.
Thanks for reading.
Much love and warmth ~ soulfly
I can't even begin to tell you how comforting my experience here is being. :D
I have not experienced hostility around poly, but I haven't been talking about it very long. I'm completely obsessed with this forum (and I'm full of NRE for an old love).
I hope you find a comfortable place here.
I read your post 2 times and something struck a chord with me... thanks for your insight and introduction. I hope you find the support and understanding here that you are seeking. I know I have although my attempts at polyamory have not gone smoothly, at least I no longer feel alone or that no one understands how I feel. :) I feel at least many people here do understand though of course everyone has their perspective and it is refreshing to read them. I have many a good AHA moment reading here. :) Happy 2012!
Thank you all for the warm greetings. I've already read a few things here that have reassured me that I'm the company of people who see quite a wide variety of subjects in much the same way I do. That in itself is going to be a big thing for me. Sometimes the biggest problems I've had with keeping the lines of communication open are found in explaining the reason for my views, before I even get a chance to address them. That's a stumbling block I feel I may not run into very often, if at all, here. And. one I might have to get used to. :)
And, since I couldn't be around to wish one in time for the event, Happy Belated New Years, but hopefully a very happy one nonetheless.
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