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-   -   I think i'm in a polyamourous gay relationship without realising. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1953)

EywaUK 01-11-2010 03:59 PM

I think i'm in a polyamourous gay relationship without realising.
I think im just starting to realise that I may actually be in a gay triad(polyamourous) relationship.

The situtation thats lead to this is too complicated to follow. But basically, my partner and I have been together for about 3 years. About a year ago we started having what can probably be best described as a sexually based 'affair' with one of our friends. It started out as just friendship and really good sex between the three of us (sometimes all three of us together, sometimes seperately). But always honest with each other. My partner and I have had an open relationship since day one, so it didnt seem so unusual and I've never felt a single twinge of jealousy.

Recently though I've started to look back at the year we've spent all this time together with the third guy and realised, its not just been sex. Its been cuddling on the sofa (all three of us), going out to the movies together (all three of us holding hands), sleeping together in the same bed - sometimes even without sex. Just last week when my partner and I were discussing our summer holiday plans, i realised we'd both just made the automatic assumption we were going as a 'three' of us. Its almost like we've made him part of our lives together without noticing.

I've not voiced this realisation openly to either of them, not sure if saying it would spoil it (if that makes sense). But having spoken to the third guy tonight about it, i mentioned how close we'd become this last year and he said "I guess i cant imagine my life without you two in it". Which nearly made me melt!

I guess im still a little scared of this, but i think i'm happy to let it play out and see where the road takes the three of us

CielDuMatin 01-11-2010 04:04 PM

What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing this.

I wish you luck and much happiness on your journey!

MonoVCPHG 01-11-2010 04:13 PM

This is a beautiful story of "naturally occurring" multi-loving! My recommendations...don't bog it down by trying to label or over analyse it. Let it be what it has always been. Just live it man! Reading and debating sometimes overcomplicates things. Just enjoy! I'm happy for you; you have something special and don't need anyone to tell you what it is.

Now this is inspirational! Naturally occurring rocks!

Take care

River 01-12-2010 12:43 AM


You know your story is touching when a straight mono- guy finds it inspirational! And his advice is sound, too! Just enjoy it and let it unfold "naturally". Can't beat advice like that! Love takes care of its own. Keep the love vibe, communicate honestly, and things have a good chance of staying good.

EywaUK 01-12-2010 11:14 AM

Thanks for your supportive postings. The holiday i mentioned is all booked now (although it took some explaining why we wanted a room with an extra single bed that could be pushed together with the king/double to make one very big bed!!! lol)

The "third guy" (or my 'other bf' as i should probably call him) is an officer in the Armed Forces. He's had mono-relationships in the past which havent worked out for him because the times he's been away (6 month postings) have proved too much for the bf's to be on their own. As i see it, this kind of setup is ideal for him as he has a 'home' life which can function when he's away too. I think from the small comments he's made that this is his perspective on it too.

This also means that my primary partner and I, as much as we miss the third guy when he's not around, get alone time together too. So nothings really encroaching on any "private" time between us either.

Incidentally - a few days ago my sister (who i havent shared this with) asked me outright if i was having an affair with the third guy behind my partners back becuase she'd seen the way we were around each other. LOL. if only she knew!!!!

Thanks again for your comments, its really nice to know there are people who think relationships like this CAN work. :o)

GroundedSpirit 01-12-2010 04:22 PM


Originally Posted by EywaUK (Post 19669)
Thanks again for your comments, its really nice to know there are people who think relationships like this CAN work. :o)

Yes - what a great story. And agree with all those that say "just let it flow - don't analyze".
I also think it represents well how things that start out only from a sexual direction can grow into so much more. If there's even some selection based on traits & characteristics that we value in people overall, there's significant potential for it to grow into something deeper.

Enjoy !


Magdlyn 01-20-2010 01:51 PM

hehe, this board seems long on verbal masturbation. Nice to see recommendations to not over analyze and just let something be! Glad youre happy in your triad, EywaUK.

Isnt Eywa the goddess tree in Avatar?

MrSteve 01-21-2010 02:22 PM

Thanks for posting your experiences EywaUK. I think that's how things more naturally work. Cultural stereotypes try to force it into something it was not necessarily meant to be and a lot of beautiful moments/relationships are lost like that.

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