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siddhartha 12-27-2011 08:11 AM

Washington State, here.
 
Hi there. Writing in from the American Northwest. Male half of a young, educated happily-married couple, poly "in theory" for some time, though in practice still quite new.

About me: Late twenties, ex-military, grad student pursuing a humanities degree. In a new poly involvement, my own this time, and trying to get a feel for the landscape. New terrain, scary and confusing, but also very exciting. I'm lucky to have a supportive spouse and supportive friends, and I feel like this is the start of something special. I've been learning a lot, not least of all about trust and respect and communication, and I feel like the experience is also making me a better husband.

Flip side of the coin: living poly in secret. Most of our friends don't know what we are, and as such we're maybe open to three people, tops. Also hard to find good candidates, so we go years at a time without involvement. Makes the landscape somewhat asymmetrical at times, going both ways, but on the whole I've found it strengthens our relationship. So there's that.

As of right now, just trying to figure things out. Lot of emotions, lots of confusion, fear, excitement. Not particularly interested in new attachments right now, but certainly not above making friends. If it feels right, even some casual flirting; I've always had a particular attraction to the smart girl at the party. But beyond that? Just trying to learn the ropes for now. Glad to be here.

km34 12-27-2011 05:10 PM

Welcome! Your user name caught my attention, and upon reading this post, I think I am going to enjoy reading what you have to say around here!

Quote:

Originally Posted by siddhartha (Post 117492)
Flip side of the coin: living poly in secret. Most of our friends don't know what we are, and as such we're maybe open to three people, tops. Also hard to find good candidates, so we go years at a time without involvement. Makes the landscape somewhat asymmetrical at times, going both ways, but on the whole I've found it strengthens our relationship. So there's that.

My only question (for now): You mention that you have supportive friends, but then you say ^this^. Do you have some friends who wouldn't be accepting of the poly life or are you just not ready to tell everyone? Simple curiosity... Some people in my life know, some don't based merely on how I think they would react and the level of closeness I feel to them. I can also completely relate to the whole 'hard to find good candidates' situation because my husband and I live close enough to our hometown that if we put ourselves out there too much the rumors would be flying, and when we are ready to tell our parents WE want to tell our parents, not have them find out second, third, or fourth hand because of people talking!

Anyway, enjoy the boards, enjoy the people, enjoy the experience. :)

siddhartha 12-27-2011 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by km34 (Post 117534)
Welcome! Your user name caught my attention, and upon reading this post, I think I am going to enjoy reading what you have to say around here!



My only question (for now): You mention that you have supportive friends, but then you say ^this^. Do you have some friends who wouldn't be accepting of the poly life or are you just not ready to tell everyone? Simple curiosity... Some people in my life know, some don't based merely on how I think they would react and the level of closeness I feel to them. I can also completely relate to the whole 'hard to find good candidates' situation because my husband and I live close enough to our hometown that if we put ourselves out there too much the rumors would be flying, and when we are ready to tell our parents WE want to tell our parents, not have them find out second, third, or fourth hand because of people talking!

Anyway, enjoy the boards, enjoy the people, enjoy the experience. :)

Thanks for the welcome. To be fair, the two or three friends we've told have all been people who later joined us in our bed; to be honest, we sort of started off in the swinging lifestyle, and over the years have simply matured/evolved into poly, which I think is for the best. That said, we really don't talk about what we are. We've never and WILL never tell our parents, as it's really none of their business. As for the rest, well, it's partly like you said, the fear of rumors.

For my part, as well, I've always been a little bit afraid to pursue this lifestyle for fear that women would necessarily mistake me for a cheating douchebag. It's hard for people to understand that you can love your partner, be committed to your partner, and also find someone else attractive and interesting on a personal or romantic level. Fortunately, things have recently heated up with a family friend whom I've known to be active in the lifestyle for some time; she's been a really good person to learn from, and she and my spouse get along great.

As far as the rest goes, well, we're still figuring that out. I'll be trying to sort out how I got to this place in my life over the next few weeks, and it sounds like I've found a good place to do it. Again, thank you for the kind words, and I hope to see you around :D


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