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-   -   Irony (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1932)

Hoshi 01-09-2010 10:43 AM

Ok so I've found a situation that is ironic in my life and decided to share it with hope that i can get some advice from it as well.

The wife and I have been exploring polyamory and she's even stepped out of her comfort zone and pursued two encounters with two separate males (Friends of ours) and albeit the experiences were sub par she still has one up on me as far as experiences go. Here is why this is ironic, when I explained to her that i wanted to seek other partners outside of our marriages she was naturally scared and insecure about the situation. However after our first threesome and her first step out of monogamy (even though the situation ended badly between the other female and us) she's seemed to be able to move freely among her exploration. I on the other hand have seemed to hit a brick wall.

The first experience i had was great but long story short the girl, J, ended up wanting more from me than i could give. Such as leaving my wife. The second attempt was with a friend from College that really seemed to be down with this lifestyle and someone i knew for almost a year. From both of these girls i received many naked pics and very erotic texts and vids. But just before the girl, N, and us were to attempt a threesome she just stone walled us and stopped talking to us. The third attempt, again all of these on my part, was with a girl, K. While i did not receive any pics etc. we did text very flirty with each other. She is also a friend for almost 3 years. When she came to visit family in town she said she wanted to hook up and do sexual things. The entire 5 days she was here i felt like i was the only one that wanted to do anything and she kept making excuses why she couldnt.

Now someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong here. Am i being to nice, am i looking in the wrong places, should i just be an ethical slut instead, should i give up all together and save myself the heartache of being shut down?

GroundedSpirit 01-09-2010 03:06 PM

Hello Hoshi,

The only comment I can add I guess is to just remember that polyamory is still a little know & understood concept in the masses. Add to that a broad perception in the general public that such concepts usually end in some kind of drama and disaster, and you can understand why it's a difficult struggle to try to "find" the right connection.
And maybe that's a big part of it too. I think most people who find themselves in some form of successful poly relationship will tell you it didn't happen by design - but almost by chance. Often spawning from some existing friendship that developed for other reasons. Others I know have just advised you go about living your life with the awareness that any person you happen to come in contact may develop into a deeper relationship.
Only when the knowledge of successful poly relationships becomes widespread will this mis-perception be dispelled.
Good luck.


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