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-   -   Is it really "Polyamory" or... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19263)

Hunter85 12-26-2011 03:12 AM

Is it really "Polyamory" or...
Hello all

I discovered this forum recently since beginning researching into what Polyamory is and what it means to be polyamorous. As such, I am new to the concept (which I do find to be quite a fascinating one) and would like the input of the more experienced.

I started seeing this woman a few months ago (FYI: I'm Male, 26, Australian) and we hit it off rather quickly.

Long story cut incredibly short, I found out recently that she's seeing a married poly man and another poly bloke who has a girlfriend.

I've met the married guy before (though at the time I had no idea they were seeing each other other than as friends) and he seems open with the Poly thing.

The other bloke (with the GF) is in that "Don't ask, don't tell" category that I've read about. He know's she is "poly" (reasons for the quotation marks shall be revealed) but doesn't seem to want to know if, or in fact how many, other men she's seeing. His choice. I myself couldn't live in that kind of ignorance but that's me. To each their own.

Now, when I asked her briefly about her situation with these other men, she said she knew them as friends to begin with and became "poly" with them out of a desire for companionship rather than love. She mentioned being involved in a "poly" relationship a while ago but as she put it she pulled back because she was "falling in love".

I am new to understanding Polyamory but isn't that the point?? To be in love with more than one person?

So, to get to my point, my question is: If you're not in love with the people you're seeing, is it Polyamory or is it more along the lines of multiple casual relationships?

RfromRMC 12-26-2011 03:27 AM

Well there certainly is a grey area and what's she is doing could just be called dating for sure. The biggest "poly" component seems to be the guys that she's seeing (they already having other partners).
It's hard to pinpoint a differnce between just casual dating and being a poly who's still technically single. The latter of which is where I'm at. But you're right: the point is love (or at least a "loving relationship"). Usually a "single poly" is doing all that dating with the hope that the end result is multiple loves.

BigGuy 12-26-2011 04:27 AM

Yes, by definition, polyamory implies an emotional as well as a physical relationship.

AnnabelMore 12-26-2011 05:38 AM

So, she's kept the "poly" but dropped the "amory". That's all fine and good if it works for her but, yeah, I'd say she's misusing the term.

Hunter85 12-26-2011 01:44 PM

Thanks for the input :)
There are a handful of things I've been wanting to talk with her about. This is among the top.

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