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-   -   bar scene sucks? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19243)

mgreen1104 12-24-2011 10:05 AM

bar scene sucks?
 
Hey guys :)

So I went out for the first time the other night just to meet people, not for sex or anything, but just to meet friends. In a six hour period, I went to four bars. It may have been that it was a Thursday night, but they were all empty,which first was very strange, but the people who were there came with friends and closed their group off to outsiders. I had fun just talking to random people over the night but no one that I felt could turn into a friendship, let alone a relationship. If anyone can help me think of some ideas to maybe meet people other than a bar, where is more cliche than i figured lol.
Also, what is everyone's thoughts on meeting someone online? I actually emailed someone back on craigslist,they replied back very enthusiastic, than asked for my picture. I know im not the best looking guy in the world, and im not very photogenic. When i sent what i thought was the best picture i had, i didnt hear a word from her. Does that mean she was shallow from the get go or am I being paranoid? I dont want to judge people or assume things but thats just what i felt happened. I do really like this life style, and i know that its not something that happens over night for either my wife or I. I just want to understand. Thank you guys

InfinitePossibility 12-24-2011 10:48 AM

Hey. I always find the best way to meet people is to do something that I'm interested in. I've found getting involved in groups, clubs, seminars and the like to be excellent ways to make new friends.

The other thing I find really useful is to spend time with friends who I know are good at the thing I want to get good at.

And lots of people are really helpful if you tell them that you think they are fabulous at something and that you'd like to learn some of their skill. :D

Good luck,

IP

mgreen1104 12-24-2011 10:49 AM

thank you ip :)

nycindie 12-24-2011 04:30 PM

Lots of polyfolk use okcupid.com to meet people. You will see lots of references to "OKC" here. It's free and poly-friendly. I've met a few great friends and lovers there (and a few duds).

mgreen1104 12-24-2011 08:42 PM

ty so much cind :) im on there but its as my wife and I should i make a private account would you recommend?

SchrodingersCat 12-25-2011 07:30 AM

Most people go to clubs for one of two reasons: to dance, or to hook-up (engage in casual sexual acts), or both. Either way, not an ideal way to start long term relationships.

OKC has been good for meeting people, but I've never had a fulfilling relationship through it. Met my husband at a fetish event and the event's ongoing online forum, a discussion group not unlike this one but all centered around the kink scene of one small city.

Point is, do what you're going to do anyway and just get out a lot and talk to people. Things will line up when they're meant to...

ViableAlternative 01-02-2012 10:39 PM

Bars? Why bother?

Meet people doing something you like, or something you're curious about. The only thing you know you'll have in common with someone at a bar is drinking, and frankly, that doesn't seem to be a good basis to a relationship (in my opinion, anyway).

But if you're interested in, say, archery or hunting, join an archery club. If you're interested in plants, join a gardening or botany club. Then you know that you'll have something worthwhile in common with absolutely everyone there. Though you might not be able to find a relationship fall into your lap that way, you can expand your friends circle, which is (in my moderate experience) an awesome way to find people who have things in common, which can more easily lead to finding compatible potential partners.

Friendships first; relationships come at their own pace.

bassman 01-03-2012 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ViableAlternative (Post 118329)
Bars? Why bother?

Meet people doing something you like, or something you're curious about. The only thing you know you'll have in common with someone at a bar is drinking, and frankly, that doesn't seem to be a good basis to a relationship (in my opinion, anyway).

"Like" !


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