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-   -   Hey guys :) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19098)

mgreen1104 12-21-2011 06:26 PM

Hey guys :)
 
So now that i've established the rules with meggy, and we've come to an understanding. I feel bad that i have made a generalization. Once my wife and I start to persue our relationships, I worry that as a guy, going up to a girl and trying to develop a relationship, and say that im in a open relationship, may come off to them like im cheating or im lying. If anyone can help me on how to lose that mentality and just go for it, i would be eternally grateful :) Im a really nice guy, i would just be worried that I would not have nearly as much luck as my wife would. Again, I dont want to generalize, just not persuing a date in over five years im out of practice lol so any help would be much appreciated.

MindfulAgony 12-21-2011 09:00 PM

Depends a lot on where you meet people. Some folks are comfortable meeting people in bars and the like and just laying it on them. I'm not so comfortable this way. So, I prefer to meet people socially generally (just doing the things I enjoy). And, when I have an interest in someone it feels more natural to talk about the whole gambit. Chances are I've already facebooked them and they already have a window into my life, etc.

The reveal about me in this way is more natural. I do it early on but it isn't like "Hey, you're an interesting person and I'm in an open relationship!" Instead, it's more like "hey, you're interesting and I'd enjoy getting to know you... friends or whatever."

This aligns with my overall approach to connecting with women. I treat every encounter as such as a possible friend primarily and a potential partner secondarily. Takes a ton of the pressure off for me. And, allows me to be open about polyamory without feeling like everything is on the line. Some have remained friends and not further because of it. Some I don't talk to any longer. Some have become more than friends.

Works well for me.

mgreen1104 12-21-2011 09:58 PM

thank you mindful :)

AnnabelMore 12-21-2011 10:46 PM

I suppose if you're worried that a potential female partner will think you're lying, you could invite her to get coffee with you and your wife sometime. Sorry, I know I'm not the audience this question was targeted to. :)

OpenandCountry 12-21-2011 11:33 PM

Depending on your area, as a male you probably will have a harder time of it than your wife. This is something that my husband struggles with. It may take time, especially if you haven't been on the "dating scene" in awhile. My only suggestion is that the internet is a wonderful way to initially find people to connect with.

mgreen1104 12-21-2011 11:41 PM

ty guys :) lol and no anna your opinon matters silly


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