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-   -   Regarding kissing/making out (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19068)

AntiPoly 12-21-2011 08:00 AM

Regarding kissing/making out
 
Alright, as you can all tell from my username I am strictly mono and am very much against Poly. However, there is one type of Poly that I find acceptable. The Poly relationships were both partners are allowed to have sex with others, however kissing is not allowed and is only reserved for the primary couple. I believe something should be kept sacred and kissing IMO is much more intimate than sex. (Yes, I'm like that hooker in Pretty Woman)

Therefore if I were to get involved with a Poly partner I would draw the line at kissing/making out. They would be allowed to have sex with others, but no kissing would be allowed, not even kissing during sex.

See to me, I hope that kissing is still seen as sacred and something that should only be shared between two people as it's the most intimate form of connection.

So I'd like to hear from you guys... Those that are Poly, do you allow yourselves/your partner to kiss others or is that a hard limit for you as well? Mono people, would you also feel more uncomfortable with your partner making out with someone else than with just having sex?

AntiPoly 12-21-2011 08:35 AM

Anyone?

RfromRMC 12-21-2011 12:35 PM

Sounds like you approve of Swinging but actual true polyamory---love & intimacy with others---is off the table.
As a polyamorous person I would never go along with your rule.

Hannahfluke 12-21-2011 12:39 PM

My husband and I try very hard not to have rules based on limiting our other relationships' ability to grow however they might. Our one rule, other than safer sex, is that we both make sure we spend time and energy nurturing our marriage so that it remains strong. Making a rule that said we couldn't kiss any one but each other just seems so incredibly limiting, which is not what our poly is about.

Really, what you're describing sounds more like an open relationship or swinging to me than poly. Poly, although it includes having sex with others, is more about the relationships than just about the sex. While having an open relationship or swinging tends to focus more on the sex.

AnnabelMore 12-21-2011 12:45 PM

I find this premise totally ridiculous if you actually understand what poly is -- loving relationships with multiple people. To love someone and not be allowed to kiss them would be torture to me. If you're not comfortable with a partner sharing intimacy with another, don't date someone poly.

StumblingAlong 12-21-2011 12:53 PM

I, like, Rob couldn't go along with that. My relationships are very intimate and personal. I would want to be able to kiss my partners. I don't have sex without having developed deep emotional feelings for the person I'm having sex with.

AnnabelMore 12-21-2011 01:11 PM

I'm very curious now, Anti. What brought you here? Why are you very much against poly -- is it a personal thing ("wouldn't be right for me") or a wider principle ("isn't right, period")?

The thing to understand is that some or even many poly people may well agree with you that kissing is sacred and should only be shared with someone you love (personally I'm ok with casual makeouts, but we have a range of folks here). They just believe you can genuinely and deeply love more than one person without lessening or degrading the sacredness involved. Most mono people also agree that you can love more than one person, thus serial dating and remarriage after death or divorce. They just object to loving more than one person at a time, finding it either unrealistic or immoral or both for reasons that generally escape those of us who have found that it does, in fact, work for us and our loved ones.

BrigidsDaughter 12-21-2011 02:44 PM

Hmm, I guess I'm a kissing slut. I love kissing, I still make out with my girlfriends from high school (you know the besties that you would have girls night out with - not dating type girlfriends) when they come to town. I love making out AND intimate kissing equally, so no, I don't have a rule against kissing my other lovers. I'd miss it too much. My girlfriend isn't a big kisser, she warned us of that when the relationship started, but since then, I've gotten a few kisses out of her. :) But what I don't get from her, my husband and boyfriend more than make up for.

OpenandCountry 12-21-2011 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 116755)
I find this premise totally ridiculous if you actually understand what poly is -- loving relationships with multiple people. To love someone and not be allowed to kiss them would be torture to me. If you're not comfortable with a partner sharing intimacy with another, don't date someone poly.

Torture sounds about right. I think the OP is definitely talking about swinging. I can't imagine having a loving relationship and not being allowed to kiss them...I'm not even sure I could have sex without kissing at all.

SNeacail 12-21-2011 05:03 PM

I'm ok with the kissing long before I'm ok with sex. For me, sex without kissing screams "sex with strangers" which kind of creeps me out. Not to even mention just the idea of putting that kind of restrictions on a relationship. ie. "You can be best friends, but never ride in the same car together" WTF


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