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-   -   Accidental long-distance triad (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19039)

kirsten 12-20-2011 10:45 PM

Accidental long-distance triad
 
I wrote a much longer post but Iíll put that in the Blogs section. Hereís the short(er) version:

I got out of an unhealthy codependent relationship earlier this year and at the time was also involved with a woman long-distance. I did put the latter relationship on hold while I tried to work through some of my own issues. We started being romantic again in August. I got to know my metamour, her husband, very gradually, but started seeing more of his personality around that time. I found myself attracted to him, and we started flirting more and more. One day I initiated skypesex. An LDR ensued, it was happy and good.

So I found myself inadvertently in a LD triad. My boyfriend came to visit last month, and we had an amazing physical connection. He holds back more emotionally than anyone Iíve been with, but he did open up to me a bit. I think it was a lot for him.

Things are going well. I just am wary of triads due to what Iíve read here. I am fairly poly-inexperienced. My bf & gf have been poly from the start of their relationship, though not usually as a triad. It sounds like any temporary triads evolved into vees. My gf has a really great sense of how to navigate relationships in a healthy way, and that combined with their poly experience has helped us to avoid some the regular triad trappings. For example, I have felt free to pursue each relationship however it grows naturally, and never pressured to keep things ďequal.Ē My relationship with her is very different from my relationship with him, but both give me happiness and fulfillment.

Iím going to visit them and their kids in a month. We will have to do the LDR thing for about a year and a half, but after that point I was planning to relocate anyway. Any advice for handling a triad?

And before you say it, I am still working on my codependence issues, both in individual therapy and in a small group. Itís a slow process but I feel like Iíve made a lot of progress already.

redpepper 12-21-2011 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kirsten (Post 116666)
I just am wary of triads due to what Iíve read here.....

It sounds like any temporary triads evolved into vees......

Iím going to visit them and their kids in a month. We will have to do the LDR thing for about a year and a half, but after that point I was planning to relocate anyway. Any advice for handling a triad?

And before you say it, I am still working on my codependence issues, both in individual therapy and in a small group. Itís a slow process but I feel like Iíve made a lot of progress already.

It sounds like you are being smart about it. Going slowly, letting it all evolve, respecting that each relationship is different and has its own nuances. I think it might be just fine.

From what I know of triads and what I have experienced here, its the ones that place a million rules, decide its best to never have sex without each other all being present and get together in an instance without with the expressed interest in ONLY creating a triad that don't make it.

StumblingAlong 12-21-2011 12:31 PM

I agree with redpepper.

I am in a triad that, while it has had its ups and downs, is simply quite amazing. We have let this develop at its own pace and do not have boundaries and rules. This has allowed us to each grow as our relationship does. I never imagined that I could love someone the way I do my partners or that I could be this happy.

Keep doing what your doing and just let it grow and evolve naturally.

kirsten 12-23-2011 03:41 PM

Thanks for the feedback, redpepper and PolyFiTri. I'll just take it one step at a time.


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