Hello everyone (:
 

Hello everyone
My name is Lisa and I found this board through my boyfriend. We are being a couple for around 1 and a half year now and it's really nice with him, we talk a lot about everything upcoming problem, our thoughts, our feelings to others, our past, and so on. Of course, sometimes we do have a little fight but I think that's alright.. it just belongs to every relationship :D

I'm from Germany so please just ignore grammar mistakes, I'm trying as good as I can :D I'm 19 years old and about a month ago we started to talk about a polyamorous relationship. He suggested it after I already mentioned it a few weeks before, and so we thought together about it, discussed about it, and so on. One week ago we decided us for an open relationship with the possibility of equal relationships, which is as far as I know not exactly polyamorous where both partners do have the same third partner or maybe also a fourth. OF course you can correct me there.

After I was a little scared at the beginning of our decision and had to rethink it because I was scared I could lose him or be jealous about some girls again like I was at the very beginning of our relationship, because this feeling was the most ugliest I've ever had and I didn't want it to come back.
I'm pretty happy now with it and I think it's one of the best desicions someone can make in his life. I don't feel that constricted anymore (I didn't feel very constricted at our monogame relationship but it is just a completely different feeling, and I have to say until now it works quite well for me) but nevertheless we still love each other.

I just wanted to get that rid of me :D And I'd also like to hear your comments, especially how your relationships were back when you were 19.. (:

I also talked about my mother and my friends with that form of relationship, I think also my father knows about it.

Greetings to all of you

Hey there, nice to have you here.

Funny, I introduced myself with a similar comment when I first posted :D

It's great that you two decided to do this step together. The main advice I can come up with would be: Take it as slow as you need it to be for your thoughts to settle down and your mind to wrap itself around any given matter/topic/issue you are dealing with. One of the top 10 words used on this side is: Communication. You will be fine if you are able to process things and check in with your partner(s).

The relationship structure you are referring to can be a vee - one of three is involved (romantically) with the other two or a triad - every person of the three involved are in a romantic relationship with the others or a quad - four persons all involved with each other. You can continue with any given letter, the most common are: V, N or Z, M and so on. Try looking for the definitions. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720)

I knew my husband already back then. But we were happily monogamous and included a third party recently. If you are interested you can read about that in my blog (-> signature link).

I have to say: Respect for marking that off your tally sheet this early in the process. They seem to be really open minded if they didn't mind your choice. Or is it something that is that common in your surroundings/family?

MfG Phy

Thank you. (:

Well, I guess we can't start talking German in here :D But it's a godd exercise for me to write English, I like it.

You said it is great that we both made this decision together - asked vice versa: Are there polyamorous relationships where only one person of the couple made this step?

These are tons of definitions :D Are they officially given? I never thought there are that many terms of how to describe a relationship.. But I think in the end love can't be defined.. love just exists (how kitschy).

Yes, I'd like to read your story sometime :D I'll keep it in mind, thanks for the link.

And about my family:
I don't want my grandmas to know it right now. As you surely know grandmas can be very old-established and I think they'd keel over if I'd tell them :D But my parents have to be very open-minded! I won't let myself be judged by them, it's still my life. And of course my mother will always help and comfort me if I'd have a problem. Because sh'es family :)
Only problem is my very intolerant brother, but he's to accept it and over and be done with it :D

No, we shouldn't :p That could be confusing.

Kind of ... there are some constellations where only one part is poly. As in my case, both my men are mono and don't seek other relationships of their own. Or one partner isn't willing to explore poly at all and doesn't want to think about it or the respective spouse to engage in such a relationship structure. Those are really difficult situations for each the poly and the mono part.

I have to say, that especially the grandma was directly OK with the concept (on the side of my boyfriend). She knew some people who lived like that in her youth ^.^ There are some stories about family members not coping well with the news; I haven't directly told my family up to now as well.

The definitions came up with the whole poly-community. Some are new some are a bit older but most of them are practicable and useful to get your point across faster. It's tiresome to always define again and again what you are talking about.

Have fun reading, I spent a good amount of time skipping the 'field reports' of all the members. :)