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-   -   Is it possible to feel too much (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1899)

rolypoly 01-05-2010 04:55 AM

Is it possible to feel too much
 
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.

Whenever I write a good song, I think about how I couldn't do this if I were the cerebral, practical type.

When I fall in love, I fall hard. I find it hard to come up for air and need to be alone for a while to find my grounding again. I worry that this amount of emotion is overwhelming for those I love. I wish I had the freedom to feel as strongly as I feel, be very sensitive and tender about it and not frighten others.

MonoVCPHG 01-05-2010 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rolypoly (Post 18598)
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.

Whenever I write a good song, I think about how I couldn't do this if I were the cerebral, practical type.

When I fall in love, I fall hard. I find it hard to come up for air and need to be alone for a while to find my grounding again. I worry that this amount of emotion is overwhelming for those I love. I wish I had the freedom to feel as strongly as I feel, be very sensitive and tender about it and not frighten others.

I think you will find someone on here who shares your thoughts Rolypoly ;)

LovingRadiance 01-05-2010 06:18 AM

Hi Rolypoly!!!

I can be that way-I'm not always. Sometimes I "retreat" somewhere deep inside myself away from everyone.. it's very much a self-defense.
But I grasp what you are saying. I hope you are doing ok!!!
I haven't seen you much recently (or anyone else as I've been very absent!)

;)

rolypoly 01-05-2010 06:38 AM

Thanks you two.

Yes, retreating is definitely a self defense

rolypoly 01-05-2010 06:40 AM

Why have you been absent LR?

redpepper 01-05-2010 06:44 AM

I have asked myself the same questions. I find I hold back most of the time when I have strong emotions. Especially ones of frustration and anger.

I have frightened others with my intensity also.

I don't know what to say to this as I would hate to think that you would be anything less than what you really are, but then I do make myself be less than I really am on occasion.

My husband is the same way as I am. we all are actually. Nerdist is more of a quiet smoldering emotional kind of person, whereas I am more explosive emotion in tidal waves type. He deals with this in public setting differently but we both hide.

I find it hard to be involved with people who keep a stiff upper lip. I have a British family and was raised to practice this even though behind the scenes they were emotionally explosive. I learned this trait well and it certainly is handy on occasion. I love that within the bounds of my relationships I can let that go and just be, let my emotions ride where they will far more.

ladyjools 01-05-2010 01:20 PM

This is something i really relate too. My feelings are very intense and i know can most def be overwhelming for others,
I think sometimes they are overwhelming for montianboy who is more contained than I am. I have to remember that not everyone is like this. With R i think he is as intense as I am which is nice.

I wouldn't change how i am for anyone or anything because I feel alive, I feel everything fully be that pain, sorrow, love or joy. I am type of person that if i feel i need to cry i will cry regardless of where i am because i have never understood the concept of not crying in front of others. Its sad really that we have a culture of hiding feelings.

Jools

polynerdist 01-05-2010 03:06 PM

I can really relate to this. The last time I fell in love, it was hard and fast. I don't think it's necessarily the person, it's just part of who I am. The intense emotions that I experienced during NRE, while lovely, were also difficult to manage. It affected my routines, including my sleep patterns, made concentrating on day-to-day taks difficult, and made it challening to be really present in my relationship with redpepper.

The intensity of my emotions and how they came out was hard on redpepper. Lots of quiet walks helped to ground me again.

MonoVCPHG 01-05-2010 03:35 PM

As opposed to feeling too much, I have a tendency to assume feelings in others too much. While it is good to try to look at things from someone else's perspective, it is damaging when you start second guessing their words. This is one of many areas of weakness for me; one that makes me anxious and hesitant to reaching an even deeper level. This and the thoughts associated with this, are my next big challenge and the defining factor in what is in my future.

GroundedSpirit 01-05-2010 03:40 PM

Hi Roly,

Well, this is an issue I've become pretty sensitive about. Feeling is SO important - and yet so dangerous. It's hard to find the right balance. Acting on emotion is one of the best known examples of how things can turn disastrous unnecessarily.
And yet (you use music as an example), there's areas in life that simply can't be built without a foundation of emotion.
As one who is subject to strong emotions myself I have struggled most of my life - and still do - on methods to keeps those emotions in place when they are not appropriate or counter-productive. Because if not, I can quickly become totally disfunctional, completely absorbed in this wave of emotion like a bottle tossed on the waves.
Of course being 'male', I was in a position to be conditioned by society to shut out such emotions but it wasn't long into my life before I discovered that that was equally counter productive.
Therefore the struggle and desire for balance.
It's been a bit of a soapbox item for me in dealing with the other gender because I feel a need to advocate for that same balance in everyone and I've been witness to the results of the failure of that.
I t seems the whole societal programming (both ways) is missing the target on this. Women are encouraged to embrace their emotions and forgiven when acting impulsively on them. Men are encouraged to lock them away and not acknowledge them at all - at least in action.
Both approaches to me are "broken".
The challenge seems to be in being the "master of" rather than "mastered by". For me - I try to create "space" for those emotions to flow freely in a safe environment. A designated time and place. Until I can get to that space/time, emotions are carefully "filed" with a bow or turn of the head and retrieved and given full attention then. But there are times & circumstances ...............oh dear....

GS


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