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BrigidsDaughter 12-18-2011 07:31 AM

wandering thoughts on living, loving, and learning
So I guess I'm finally doing it. I'm not much of a blogger, but here goes.

I guess I'd better start off by introducing myself in some way. (See I told you I wasn't very good at this.) Brigid's Daughter is the name I chose for myself because it represents 2 important things about me; the goddess that I revere and that I am a daughter. I am also a wife, mother, and girlfriend.

Runic Wolf and I celebrated our 11 year wedding anniversary 13 days after I turned 30 and 30 days after our son, Yoda, turned 10. I've been with my boyfriend, Wendigo, for 2 1/2 years. Two years and two months ago, we brought Wendigo's wife, Pretty Lady into the mix and became a quad. Sometimes it feels like longer, sometimes it feels like it can't possibly have been 2 1/2 years ago. I'm bisexual, but in many ways, Pretty Lady is my first and I am definitely her first and getting either of us to make any moves is akin to pulling teeth, we're so tentative with each other, but I'm getting ahead of myself a bit.

Like many of the poly stories we've all heard. I didn't come to poly the pure way. I made mistakes, we all did, I got caught up in NRE, lied to Runic Wolf when I absolutely didn't have to, because I didn't know how to admit that our best friend had built himself a room in my heart before I'd even hired the contractor so to speak. Wendigo and I thought we were going into the situation with our eyes wide open, discussed all the possibilities for weeks before coming to our initial agreement and we still fell prey to NRE... perhaps because it had been so long since we'd experienced it we'd forgotten how crazy it could be. In the end there were tears, there was tons of communication between him, Runic Wolf, and myself (and between he and Pretty Lady), and there was forgiveness. Trust has been rebuilt, but I've learned that doesn't mean that the work can end.

I honestly was terrified of talking to Pretty Lady at first and so our first real conversation was several months later than it should have been. But I explained to her my own personal view of poly.

I dug this out of our first e-mail:

"I believe that you can love more than one person in different ways. I also personally believe that there are people who are fated to come into your life. That those people each carry with them a piece of your heart, but only one person carries the other part of your soul. I found my soul mate in Runic Wolf and there are people, like Wendigo and Stew that hold a piece of my heart. I'd be less of who I am without them in my life. There are a handful of people that I've adopted - they called out to me on a psychic level. But Wendigo's the first person that I adopted without meaning to. Over the last year he's become one of the most important people in my life and I believe that would still be true even if we'd never slept together."

That was followed by my feeble attempts to express my attraction to her. And I'm still hopelessly terrible at that.... I can tell Runic Wolf and Wendigo my fantasies about her, but in the time in-between our infrequent encounters I forget how to flirt with her. Which sucks, because I miss her ALOT.

Just today I was thinking that I wanted to write her a letter; it's almost Wendigo's birthday again and we never did talk about what went wrong last year. Wendigo and I talked it to death and I know she was right beside him while we were chatting, but I guess I need reassurance. She's been so busy since then, she had just started an editing job and had 2 books to write as well, and then there was the family stuff, so I understand and I know she misses me, because she tells me so on fb every so often or in e-mails (always in reply to mine because neither of them are any good at initiating e-mails), but I wonder if she misses me in *that* way.... the way I miss the taste of her and the feel of her skin under my nails. I almost got up the nerve to ask today, but then Wendigo contacted me on skype and used my birth name, which everyone who knows me is only pulled out when something is serious, wrong, or both.

My first response was "ok, you used my full name, do I need to brace myself over here?" His reply was that things have come to a head and their living situation has gotten bad enough that Pretty Lady and her sister are in screaming matches. So when I go to pick him up Monday he isn't sure where that will be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for them, to find an apartment. Somewhere they will have their own room AND be allowed to leave it. Right now they live in the master bedroom and their son shares a room with his 2 cousins. Not the most ideal environment, but it was supposed to be temporary. That Pretty Lady wants to move out is saying something, she's been adamant about staying on the family land so as to make sure it isn't' foreclosed on for the whole length of our relationship.

When their house collapsed, we offered them our basement for their room and Runic Wolf offered to give up his office for their son to sleep in. While I would love to live with them, I know how important it is for their son to stay in his school district - he's helped bring his school's drill team for JROTC to several championships and I wouldn't want to take that away from him. Though the idea of them having their own place intrigues me; it has been so long since the days when I'd arrive to pick Wendigo up and find him in just a towel or robe at his computer; Pretty Lady typing away at her keyboard in her office. I miss having that for them. And it would be nice to go to their house on Friday nights again.

Runic Wolf has been working his ass off this past week. Twelve hours yesterday; eleven today; still trying to make time with our family even though he's exhausted and in pain. I admire him so much! He takes such good care of me. I've been holding back on pouncing him for days, in part because I'm afraid I'll break him.

The only thing I really struggle with, internally, is how to deal with situations where Runic Wolf and I don't get sexy time for one reason or another and then suddenly it's the day I see Wendigo and I want to have sexy time with him, because it has been a couple weeks (usually). Sometimes I hold back from Wendigo because I don't feel that it will be fair to Runic Wolf. But that isn't really fair to Wendigo, though I know he will wait and watch if I decide to pounce Runic Wolf first. And it isn't that we can't go for weeks or months without having sex because we can and we have, but sometimes I just don't want to AND sometimes, I want the guys to pounce me. I don't care if they talk it over ahead of time, but every once in a while I want them to seduce me, tease me, tag team me, or just tie me up and beat me silly. :o

But this isn't the time of year for that. It's the time of year for exhausted husbands, stressed out lovers all around, and me wanting to take care of them all as best I can.

BrigidsDaughter 12-20-2011 06:55 PM

Wendigo, Runic Wolf, and I spent about 13 hours together yesterday. We got some work done in the workshop; them on the belts that Runic Wolf is making for sale and me on a leather hooded mantle that I'm hoping to sell on e-bay.

When I picked him up, he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and we talked. It took me a while, but I've learned that when he's ready to talk, he'll come to me, but if I push he'll won't. On the way to our place, he filled me in on what's been going on at his place. It's gotten bad - he likened their relationship with her sister to getting in a car accident with someone and having them follow you home and kill all your pets. Ofcourse you wouldn't want to exchange insurance information with them after that. To make matters worse, she's invading their privacy to come in and scream in Pretty Lady's face AND Pretty Lady has been very ill this week and had to drag herself to the health center. Her blood oxygen level was at 92%; 94% is the danger warning zone. They gave her albuterol in straight oxygen and a shot of antibiotics. She has bronchitis and is on 4 different medications. Wendigo says the stress of their situation has her throwing up the antiobiotics; which of course has me worried for her. They are formulating an exit strategy; one that won't leave their nephews out in the cold; so all I can do is hope and pray for the best.

I love them both, but I understand why they won't take us up on an offer to live with us; maybe if we had a house and everyone could have a real bedroom and Pretty Lady could have an office again, but our town house really isn't big enough for 6. Still, it was hard to take Wendigo home last night. After the rest of the guys left, he stretched out on the couch and fell asleep; while I sat between him and Runic Wolf and rested my head on his chest. After and hour, I realized I had to get him home so we could all get some sleep. Kissing him awake always works, even if I did almost fall off the couch when Runic Wolf was coming back down the stairs; silly me putting me knee where there was no couch.

The ride home was pretty silent. I hate silence, but knew he didn't want to talk about himself anymore, so I talked about some of the funny stories people were telling on facebook from my elementary school days. He didn't even dare hug me in the driveway last night since his sister in law was home and he didn't want to set her off again.

I think we'll all be much happier when they've got their own place again. Wendigo might even be able to get a job again; though I'm not too thrilled at the options available for him - almost all of them are overnight which makes it hard to have game night around, but it does free up the daytime when the kids are at school for one on one time. But when I think about that, I feel guilty for thinking selfishly about the benefits I could get out of it.

BrigidsDaughter 01-27-2012 07:43 PM

So, it's been a while since I've posted. There have been some changes going into this new year; our relationship with Pretty Lady has ended, but the friendship remains. I won't say that I'm not disappointed, but I understand and respect her reasoning.

I've noticed a change in myself too; I am no longer afraid to express who I am and have stopped caring if people accept me or not; this goes for poly and for being kinky. Tuesday, Runic Wolf and I spent the day with Wendigo. It was intense, being loved by the two of them again. . . .teeth, nails, spankings *shivers*. . . . I was a very happy lady. Afterwards, we just hung out, laying on the couch talking; Wendigo and I browsed the internet for corset armor ideas for this year's Dagorhir season, while Runic Wolf and Yoda played Skylanders. :) After Yoda went to bed, we played Words with Friends, watched Runic Wolf play Space Marine and I introduced Wendigo to this board and The Bird Cage. I'm not sure if he will be joining us here or not, but he's more of a lurker than a poster anyway.

Wednesday we joined FetLife; Runic Wolf has been on there for a couple years now, so he finds it funny that we're "in NRE with a website", but at the same time it lead to a couple good discussions about what my kinks actually are. So who knows, maybe we'll hit up a few local poly munches or a few BDSM munches. I'm keeping myself open to any possibilities; hoping that Runic Wolf will do the same. I really do want him to find someone who isn't afraid of him being married AND who shares some of the kinks that I don't. A wife can hope, can't she?

BrigidsDaughter 02-18-2012 06:39 PM

It's been a rough couple of weeks. My back and shoulder pain is back with a vengeance or so it seems. I guess Wendigo was right when he said calling attention to the lack of pain would jinx it. :( He's been in alot of physical pain too after throwing out his back a couple weeks ago.

We had a good time last Friday drinking and hanging out with friends we hadn't seen in a while and I got to wear Wendigo's coat; I was too warm after drinking for my faux fur lined coat, but shivering on the smoking porch w/o one. It's been a while (2+ years) since I've worn any of his clothes and it was a subtle way he could show affection for me in public.

Unfortunately, Runic Wolf and I got bad financial news in the mail when we woke up the next morning, which pretty much killed the good energy we'd had from the night before. Thankfully, a friend pulled through for us and loaned us the money to make ends meet. There's even a chance I'll get my car back next week now. :)

Runic Wolf and I are weathering the storm the way we always do; holding onto each other for dear life at times; but we're strong and loved. Wendigo was here Monday and we cuddled a bit, but he hasn't been sleeping well and his back was hurting, so we didn't have our usual post game cuddles with teasing and conversation. I miss it, but I understand. Things have been pretty stressful at home and he always worries that he'll rely on us too much for emotional support and now he's sick, so it will be a few more days before we see him.

I'm excited for workshop days next week and looking forward to the possibility of fighter practice starting up again. We've got a poly munch next Saturday and a battle on Sunday to look forward to too. Over all, life goes on, poly is just part of it, a part of me.

BlackUnicorn 03-07-2012 06:53 PM

So nice that you have your own blog finally, and sorry to hear about PrettyLady :(. Nothing much more to say, just keep posting when you can!

BrigidsDaughter 03-08-2012 10:34 AM

Thanks BU! Guess it's about time for an update. Runic Wolf has been seeing someone for almost 2 weeks. Wow, has time flown. She's someone we meet about a year ago at a poly munch; but he reconnected with after they were matched on OKCupid. What is funny about it is that while they were getting to know each other online, she and I were planning the latest poly munch. . . . they had their first date the night before the munch and it was an 8 hour date. :) The munch was awesome as well and we ended up going back to her place with her hubby to meet the family and have some drinks with her sisters. We ended up staying until noon the next day. So far things have been going really well. She and her husband came and stayed with us from last Thurs until Sunday. Her sister brought her boys over to play with our son Saturday and they all had fun. :)

Both her and her husband are awesome people that I can see in our lives for a while and damn, is she hot and bi too! I was pleasantly surprised that she was interested in me too and not just for threesomes with Runic Wolf. She hasn't had a girlfriend in 2 years, but she is also still inlove with her last gf, so she understands me still having feelings for Pretty Lady. We're having a sewing date on Friday after I get off work and she and Runic Wolf have a date while I'm at work.

Today I had a long date with Wendigo. We made cheese cake, flirted in the kitchen all day, had sex while Runic Wolf and Yoda were at Yoda's schools puberty talk/ video night, sat out on the porch in the nice weather while we talked, smoked, and watched the stars rise. Then we made a ham for dinner for the 4 of us, had a friend over for game, cuddled, and I passed out in a food coma while he and Runic Wolf talked comics. I awoke to them talking about Star Wars and got ready to take Wendigo home. We ended up sitting in his driveway for half an hour chatting about an online RPG he's in and how things are going.

Only downside to my awesome day/ week is that I now have insomnia and have to get up and ready for work in like 6 hours.

BrigidsDaughter 03-15-2012 03:06 PM

Had a discussion with Runic Wolf and Wendigo the other night about some of the advice given here on the forum and the disconnect we see between the older generations of poly peeps and the younger ones concerning moving in.

As someone who has had friends crashing on my couch for short to long periods of time; some of whom I would occasionally fool around with. It perplexes me when I see people advising college aged poly peeps not to move in with each other. I don't see many people telling them to make a roommate agreement and go for it and it bothers me because our couch, house, etc has always been open for any friends or OSO's who needed a place to stay indefinitely. As Wendigo put it, your twenties are the perfect time to have those kinds of poly experiences, to experiment, and if it doesn't work out, you've still got your whole life infront of you. So why the big rush to advise against it? I am not saying not to have a conversation about it, but jump in, don't be afraid of what ifs because life is full of them and nothing is ever set in stone.

BlackUnicorn 03-15-2012 06:01 PM


Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter (Post 128895)
As Wendigo put it, your twenties are the perfect time to have those kinds of poly experiences, to experiment, and if it doesn't work out, you've still got your whole life infront of you. So why the big rush to advise against it? I am not saying not to have a conversation about it, but jump in, don't be afraid of what ifs because life is full of them and nothing is ever set in stone.

An interesting perspective. I think most of the advice against moving-in within few months or less comes from reading stories of triad fallouts where getting the "third person" out of the house fast enough for everyone to preserve their peace of mind would be impossible, unpractical and unethical. Like an unicorn moving in with her kids because she was between leases, shit hitting the fan and then the kids have to watch adults fighting because she can't get out fast enough, the couple who invited her in can't make their rent without her contribution, whatever.

Interesting thought about the roomie agreements.

SNeacail 03-15-2012 06:13 PM

I think it's that so many 20 somethings (especially 20-25) tend to have an unrealistic expectation to "moving in together". All they see is how perfect it will be and can't see the possible train wreck and therefore don't prepare for it. People moving in together as "roomies" will have a different mindset, they aren't expecting the "happily ever after" and will therefore treat the situation differently from the start.

BrigidsDaughter 03-16-2012 05:50 PM


Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 128905)
I think it's that so many 20 somethings (especially 20-25) tend to have an unrealistic expectation to "moving in together". All they see is how perfect it will be and can't see the possible train wreck and therefore don't prepare for it. People moving in together as "roomies" will have a different mindset, they aren't expecting the "happily ever after" and will therefore treat the situation differently from the start.

And that is part of living and growing, whether mono or poly. I remember last week being confused when a newbie to this forum received advice that her boyfriends, who are good friends and metamors, shouldn't move in together as roommates. Why shouldn't they? They're friends, right? So they're sleeping with the same girl, what of it? What if she wanted to move in too, would that also be wrong? I don't think so.

It's not the same as a married couple moving in a unicorn and yes, they may have the unrealistic expectation that everything will be perfect, but isn't it for them to decide if it's worth the risk? It just seems to me that maybe we older polys are a bit quick to jump to conclusions and may be a bit harsh in our assumptions. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with asking them to think about things like who's responsibility is it to do what chores, who pays what bills, who spends which nights in who's bed, etc. but that's something I'd do with anyone moving in together. It's the X, Y, or Z happened to random couple Q over there and you're too young to know what's good for you, so I'll explain how couple Q failed at what you're attempting and you will too.


My little sister is moving out of my parents house next weekend with her daughter. The father, who she was supposed to marry next month, decided he isn't ready to be a grown up and in his mono mind set picked the girl who he saw when he and my sister were fighting, because obviously if he could let another woman distract him from my sister, she was he one he was really supposed to be with. My sister has a male best friend and co-worker who has feelings for her and wants to be there to support her and my niece. My sister had some feelings for him too that she suppressed because she was engaged, now she is deciding to give it a chance and is moving him in with her and my niece next week. My parents are supportive of this and so am I. Why you ask? Because she's 19 years old and deserves the chance to try to make her life into what she wants it to be. Maybe M will grow up and come back to her someday, maybe he won't. Maybe J and she will end up married and he will raise M's daughter like his own. Who knows what the future holds, but for now, my sister is living and loving and learning about herself and what she wants and needs in a relationship and life. . . . and that is all we really can do.

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