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-   -   Carrying burdens (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1884)

CielDuMatin 01-03-2010 05:04 PM

Carrying burdens
 
This isn't poly-related which is why I have chosen to post this here, but over the years I have struggled with how I should act towards people who I perceive have been a negative influence on my life.

So I found this story summary today that I think seems to sum about a great deal of wisdom in one short paragraph. It is paraphrased from the book "Zen Shorts", which some of you may know.

Here goes:

Two monks are passing through a flooded town when they see a rather cross-looking woman who is waiting for her attendants to carry her across the water-filled street. The older monk quickly picks her up, carries her across, and sets her down—only to have her shove him away without a bit of thanks. The younger monk stews over this woman’s rude behavior for the rest of the afternoon and then finally berates the older monk for even picking her up because she was obviously such a terrible person…a statement to which the older monk replies, “I set that woman down hours ago, why are you still carrying her?”

I just thought that I should share this with others, in the hope that it helps some of you as it has helped me.

ImaginaryIllusion 01-03-2010 06:42 PM

Gotta love Zen.

LovingRadiance 01-05-2010 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin (Post 18198)
This isn't poly-related which is why I have chosen to post this here, but over the years I have struggled with how I should act towards people who I perceive have been a negative influence on my life.

So I found this story summary today that I think seems to sum about a great deal of wisdom in one short paragraph. It is paraphrased from the book "Zen Shorts", which some of you may know.

Here goes:

Two monks are passing through a flooded town when they see a rather cross-looking woman who is waiting for her attendants to carry her across the water-filled street. The older monk quickly picks her up, carries her across, and sets her down—only to have her shove him away without a bit of thanks. The younger monk stews over this woman’s rude behavior for the rest of the afternoon and then finally berates the older monk for even picking her up because she was obviously such a terrible person…a statement to which the older monk replies, “I set that woman down hours ago, why are you still carrying her?”

I just thought that I should share this with others, in the hope that it helps some of you as it has helped me.

I LOVE IT!!!

I have been actively "setting people down" in the last few months and it feels SO great! It was hard at first. I felt so guilty-but the further I get from that starting point-the better I feel for it!!

Ariakas 01-05-2010 03:30 AM

That is a damn near perfect example, thanks for sharing :)

Ceoli 01-05-2010 05:17 AM

Check out a thread I started a while back entitled "Fuck It"

The book is a refreshing read about the art of letting go.

JonnyAce 01-05-2010 07:38 AM

I "let down" ppl all the time. if i feel they're a negative influence on me, i just stop talking/interacting with them. (this includes, my mom,dad,best friend,etc.) if i was/am really close with them i might give them a chance to come back into my life, but only if i truly feel they will no longer be a negative force towards me.

NeonKaos 01-05-2010 01:09 PM

This is also related to the thread about "breaking up".

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1802

Ravenesque 01-05-2010 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyAce (Post 18629)
I "let down" ppl all the time. if i feel they're a negative influence on me, i just stop talking/interacting with them. (this includes, my mom,dad,best friend,etc.) if i was/am really close with them i might give them a chance to come back into my life, but only if i truly feel they will no longer be a negative force towards me.

I do the same. Some don't have the fortitude to hold themselves back from interaction and must have some sort of control over the lives of others. "Cutting off" would be the term I'd use. Snip. And done.

~Raven~

glowinthedarkstars 01-07-2010 02:30 AM

I have let some people down, but I am also guilty of having been that person who has been let down. Maybe guilty isnt the proper word. Struggling with depression is hard and nobody likes to be around someone who is sad all of the time. And I am sad not all of the time but enough. No I dont want to be that way. But If I wanted to be happy I would wouldnt I? I want to be sad because I dwell in my sadness. These things hurt to hear because while I understand how someone could percieve things this way, I simply dont think they are true and they are quite invalidating to hear. People say these sort of things before they "let people down" n it just aint nice.

sorry for the minirant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravenesque (Post 18663)
I do the same. Some don't have the fortitude to hold themselves back from interaction and must have some sort of control over the lives of others. "Cutting off" would be the term I'd use. Snip. And done.

~Raven~



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