Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Prairie Girl (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1874)

quila 01-01-2010 11:22 PM

Prairie Girl
 
Hi!

I'm recently married to a wonderful man, and I'm not sure how poly we are, but I'm definitely not a natural monogamous person... I have no desire whatsoever to be with any other guys, but I would really like to have a girlfriend. My husband completely supports this, encourages me to follow my path. In this sense, I consider us a poly couple. I can't imagine us ever being in a triangle, since he was "the bachelor's bachelor" before he met me (used to live in his car, literally, with a microwave, fridge, and coffee pot) and had never been in a relationship for longer than 6 months, spending the last 3 of them trying to find excuses to get out gracefully.

For his part, he enjoys BDSM, mostly the sadism side of it. Since I'm a big suck pants when it comes to pain, I would much rather have him turn someone else's ass black & blue. But he completely detaches these activities from romantic feelings, so that's not poly either.

But this is one reason why I'm reaching out for support, because while I theoretically support this, I find jealousy feelings cropping up. I don't really feel like he's "doing his part" to help me feel comfortable, so I guess part of why I'm here is for some guidance in that department. Part of the problem is that I have trouble identifying exactly what my own needs are within this context, much less being able to communicate them to him. Meanwhile, he grew up in a very non-communicative / non-emotive home, and he's done wonderfully at learning to open up to me, but he definitely still struggles with it every time. He's learned, at least, that I'm "safe" to talk to, won't judge him or get angry about his feelings. But it's still hard for him to even identify his feelings on his own, never mind share them with another person.

I guess that's all I have to say for now, I'm not really looking for any specifics at the moment... let you know when I do! :)

ImaginaryIllusion 01-01-2010 11:28 PM

Welcome to the Forum. I'd expect you won't have any trouble finding the support you seek around here.

Ravenesque 01-02-2010 04:27 AM

Welcome to the forums! This is definitely a good place to connect with others who may be at similar stages in life and/or have experienced what you have. A New Year joiner yay :D

~Raven~

CielDuMatin 01-02-2010 04:36 AM

If you and he support the concept of open and honest loving relationships with someone outside your relationship, then I think most would definitely regard you as polyamorous. Either way, if you feel you are, then that is the most important thing.

Welcome to the forum. I encourage you to post more about your situation in a new thread and knowing the members here, you will get plentiful advice. :)

MonoVCPHG 01-02-2010 08:17 AM

Wlecome to the forums!!

FreeandUnited 01-06-2010 11:40 AM

Hi, prairiegirl :)

cloves 01-12-2010 07:09 PM

hey...and Welcome!


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