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-   -   poly community (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18662)

redpepper 12-12-2011 10:29 PM

poly community
 
What does a poly community look like for you? What do you hope to gain by being part of a poly community? Is it important to create community? Who do you include in your poly community or would you include if you felt you were part of one?

I've talked about this topic before on here and am furthering my investigation. :) Here are the other threads that relate:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13758

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4227

RfromRMC 12-20-2011 06:07 PM

It is a group of people I have kinda come to call "Home" in a way.

When my gay triad was together, I felt more at home at the local Poly group than among the local gay community. We were like a circus freakshow in their eyes most of the time. Oy.

And when we broke up it was my poly friends--not the gay ones---who were there to listen and encourage me. Going from a home of three to one little apartment all by yourself can have some incredibly lonely moments. Being with my poly friends has helped a ton!

SoCalExile 12-20-2011 11:10 PM

I'm lucky enough to live near what appears to be a blossoming poly community. There are at least a couple of regular community meetings at a downtown restaurant. I want very, very much to show up to one and talk to folks.

I don't need or want a community in order to feel validated in being poly; I've made my peace with that. I'm not looking to cruise the community but have to admit that the idea that potential poly partners/lovers/fuckbuddies/friends/whatever could be found there is nonetheless powerfully attractive- the "tribe" angle of poly has always resonated with me.

I'd include anybody who identified as, or was curious about, poly. As long as they don't prove to be abusive or otherwise horrible, I can't imagine why I'd exclude anybody who wanted to be a part of it.

I just think it's a neat thing to have in common and would love to participate in get-togethers where affection could be displayed in a much more fluid state than normal.

Dunno if that makes sense. I'm on my seventh cup of nog.

BrigidsDaughter 12-20-2011 11:55 PM

I guess what I'd want in a poly community is the ability to get together once in a while and talk w/o feeling the need to edit my conversation in my head; a group of friends who just gets it, is supportive, but will also give constructive criticism when I'm wrong. Also, they would be equally supportive of Runic Wolf and myself. I really wish he had other poly guys to talk to - our one friend who is "poly" learned everything he knows about poly on the Suicide Girls forums and thinks we're doing it wrong.

SoCalExile 12-21-2011 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter (Post 116677)
a group of friends who just gets it, is supportive, but will also give constructive criticism when I'm wrong.

Holy cow how did I not manage to say that. This, a thousand times this. I have had fairly supportive friends but it's draining to have to re-explain poly in half or more of one's conversations.

nycindie 12-21-2011 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RfromRMC (Post 116616)
And when we broke up it was my poly friends--not the gay ones---who were there to listen and encourage me. Going from a home of three to one little apartment all by yourself can have some incredibly lonely moments.

Ouch! So sorry to hear of your break-up, R. (((((hugs)))))

RfromRMC 12-23-2011 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 116830)
Ouch! So sorry to hear of your break-up, R. (((((hugs)))))

See? This is what I mean! :D
Best community one can be in, in my view.

AutumnalTone 12-23-2011 12:58 AM

I am part of a poly community, though it's not intended as a poly community. I'm part of a Pagan UUA congregation that happens to have a large percentage of regulars who happen to be poly. The rest appear to be poly-friendly.

So, while it's not explicitly a poly community, nobody has to explain what poly is nor defend it in any given group event. It's quite simple to find somebody to talk to who understands and supports multiple relationships.

BigGuy 12-23-2011 04:44 AM

Community is a very broad term. Poly community means many things to me. For example, this forum is a poly community.

At its most basic level, community means "shared" to me, whether it be a shared geographic proximity, or shared belief system. Or, both.

RainyGrlJenny 12-23-2011 07:55 PM

A few years ago, when I was just starting to learn about polyamory and the possibilities of multiple relationships, I went to the local poly potluck a couple times, and attended various workshops like "Intro to Poly" or "Poly Q & A" or whatever. Having these resources available was/is invaluable - so much more engaging and added to my understanding much more than books or online articles or other things I had discovered previously.

I got plenty of interesting ideas to mull over (boundaries, contracts, hierarchies, legal issues etc.), but what I really loved most was seeing all the different ways people put their families together. That's what really draws me to polyamory - the idea that a family is composed of the people you love, not just the slots that are "supposed to be" filled.

Now that I'm actually going about building a more poly life, I feel like I don't need that formal community as much. However, I think I'm lucky, because Seattle seems to be a fairly accepting place to live. I've mentioned polyamory and my setup in particular to my hair stylist, the owner of my favorite dress boutique, and one of the librarians at the local library, and all of them responded with "Huh. That sounds fantastic. Tell me more."

Also, my friends, bosses, and co-workers all know everything (probably way too much) about my life, and although they don't quite get it, they're all supportive. My family knows more or less, and they also don't get it. But, ultimately, they're happy if I am :)

These days, I would say this forum is my poly community. I don't post much, but I devour what other people say, and especially enjoy reading the blogs and life stories. I feel like I know some of you quite well! :)


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