Hello to all,
As stated in my thread, out of the blue my wife asked what I thought of an open marriage. We both grew up in Christian families and attended Christian schools until high school. We are like the opposite in every way. I'm more conservative, she's more liberal. I'm into math and science and she likes writing and English. I play video games and sports and she reads books. I like Star Wars, Star Trek and Transformers, she thinks they suck and likes Twlight. I grew up in the big city, she grew up in farm country. Anyways, you get the point. One thing we share is we are both open minded. We have no kids, really don't talk to any family, and have very few friends.
We are in our late twenties and early thirties and have been married for 8 years, together for 10. I've had 2 sexual partners before her and technically I was her first. She was a date rape victim when she was 16. On the flip side, she has had many boyfriends before me and she was my first girlfriend. Also, I have came out to her that I am a crossdresser and bi-curious. She has expressed her interest in 3-somes and having people watch us have sex and me watching her have sex. The idea of her with another person does turn me on.
I am very open to the idea, but unlike past decisions, I don't want to jump into this head first and end up drowning. Her biggest fear is either of us falling in love with someone else and breaking apart. My biggest concern is that this is just experimentation or sowing wild seeds. Our marriage isn't stale, I don't think, but it is definately in a rut. We don't get to see much other each other due to my career choice. When I have free time she's working and when she has free time I'm working. We don't go out much anymore and haven't had a vacation, or for that matter, a honeymoon.
Some things I think will help us is the honesty and communication involved, and maybe some needs that can be met that we can't give each other. I haven't been the most honest person so maybe it will force my hand a bit, and don't really like to talk. I say what I need to say and am done, no need for small talk.
I know there will be pot holes in the road but I am looking forward to the challenges. Thanks all.
The only advice I can give is be careful. Proceed slowly. The 'idea' of having sex with others or engaging in threesomes for some is more satisfying to some than the actual act. Not everyone is actually cut out for it, and moving from fantasy to reality, for some, can be a mistake.
Before you two actually 'cross the rubicon' take some time and communicate with each other extensively on the subject. Talk it through. Discuss your wants, desires and fantasies, but don't for get about boundaries. And then proceed slowly.
You can attend a swingers club or party, if you like. Or find a suitable third for your encounter. Start with some 'soft swap'; kissing, touching and heavy petting and see if you want to go further.
Your main concern, and hers, should be to avoid causing damage to your relationship. This may not be as easy as it sounds as it's almost impossible to anticipate every circumstance that may arise.
I know it sounds cliche' but it's true: The key is communication; before, during and after your encounters. Be completely honest and open with your partner. Since you're entering new territory, give each other great latitude for error. Expanding your sex life to include others can be very rewarding, as it has for us. But it also can be the worst mistake of your lives. Knowing the difference is not always obvious, but if you begin slowly, even if it is a mistake, any damage can be minimal. If it turns out that 'lifestyle' is for you, than expanding your horizons is easy.
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