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-   -   Christmas Gifts (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18303)

caragh87 12-05-2011 05:08 AM

Christmas Gifts
 
So that merry time is upon us, and I am one who believes its better to give than recieve.

To me Christmas isn't hugely important but I am really struggling with what to get both my boyfriend, and his girlfriend.

We are having issues at the moment with time sharing and such, and of course the best gift I could give her would be to disapear for good.. but thats not an option!

I was thinking of getting them a couples present, something they could do together. Would that be crossing a line and getting into their relationship?

I have no idea what to get, or how much to spend or anything.

So lost.

Somegeezer 12-05-2011 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caragh87 (Post 114431)
So that merry time is upon us, and I am one who believes its better to give than recieve.

To me Christmas isn't hugely important but I am really struggling with what to get both my boyfriend, and his girlfriend.

We are having issues at the moment with time sharing and such, and of course the best gift I could give her would be to disapear for good.. but thats not an option!

I was thinking of getting them a couples present, something they could do together. Would that be crossing a line and getting into their relationship?

I have no idea what to get, or how much to spend or anything.

So lost.

I think a couples' present sounds like a lovely gift. But any gift can be meaningful. I don't believe christmas is the day everyone should HAVE to give gifts though. You should give people gifts because you want to, when you want to. Not let specific days judge when it is the "right time".

Critter 12-05-2011 07:06 AM

LOL I came here to see if there was a thread on this ... My girlfriend and my husband wanted to get me the same necklace ..... It was also the same necklace that I wanted to get my girlfriend. We could have had three of the same necklace in the same room at the same time.

Im glad we all talked. *giggles* My girl and I are doing Pandora bracelets instead so that way my husband can add to them both. :)

cheryl 12-05-2011 09:01 AM

my question is
 
Who do you spend New Years Eve with? Many people have kids or extended family for Christmas, but NYs is supposed to be kind of romantic couples night. I'm in a v and worried I wont be chosen.

nycindie 12-05-2011 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheryl (Post 114484)
Who do you spend New Years Eve with? Many people have kids or extended family for Christmas, but NYs is supposed to be kind of romantic couples night. I'm in a v and worried I wont be chosen.

You could do the choosing first. Why wait? Or you could spend NYE all three of you together. I've spent many a NYE with good friends, it doesn't have to be all about romance and couples.

SourGirl 12-05-2011 03:36 PM

I`m a fan of not giving presents, unless you all live together. I want to treat someone, how I want to be treated.
If I want to show someone outside my family my appreciation, I spend the day with them, and spoil them. They get my 100% attention. I`ll buy the dinner, and other things. I`ll pamper them. I wasn`t always sure that was the right thing to do, and second-guessed myself a lot with this issue in the past.

Though watching older generations around me,...what do they want ? They don`t want a slap-chop, or a DVD. They want your time. They want you to visit them. They want to see you. They have had years of gadgets and material things,..
Christmas shouldn`t be about the presents. ESPECIALLY if you are not religious. We do seem to 'need' dates on a calender to tell us to slow down, and create get-togethers with those that are important to us. So take advantage of the non-working days you get, and give someone your attention who needs it.

I was recently talking about this with a poly-friend. He was the one who added in the 'until you live together' part. Until that point, time is the most precious thing between people. The ability to not hurry off, or be mentally absorbed elsewhere. To just enjoy the moment.

So, everyone can afford 'time' on some level.
It could be a fancy vacation, to a weekend get-a-way, to a simple day spent together. Even if time is in abundance, do something unusual, or make it your 'treat' for the day.

The great thing is, even with living together, you still might need 'time',..so you can keep it going. Otherwise, if you see each other regularly, and live together, you have a great idea of knowing what that person likes and needs, and the guessing becomes less-so.

Alright. Enough with the fancy-ass holiday lecturing from me, I need my morning tea.

BigGuy 12-05-2011 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 114487)
I've spent many a NYE with good friends, it doesn't have to be all about romance and couples.

Until that one NYE when it was me an another single male (I'm hetero) with a group of couples and the couples started swap'n spit at the stroke of midnight. It's like, okay, I'm twiddling my thumbs now.

Awkward... and painful.

BigGuy 12-05-2011 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caragh87 (Post 114431)
I was thinking of getting them a couples present, something they could do together. Would that be crossing a line and getting into their relationship?

I have no idea what to get, or how much to spend or anything.

IMHO, you get a gift for those you have a relationship. If your gift is an event gift that they enjoy doing together, I think that's great. You are giving him the gift and she's a lucky benefactor. Very thoughtful and altruistic of you. But, if it's an event gift that you enjoy doing with him, that's not bad either and you're the lucky benefactor.

Exhibiting kindness is never crossing the line.

nycindie 12-06-2011 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigGuy (Post 114552)
Until that one NYE when it was me an another single male (I'm hetero) with a group of couples and the couples started swap'n spit at the stroke of midnight. It's like, okay, I'm twiddling my thumbs now.

Awkward... and painful.

People place far too much importance on that whole "who will I kiss at the stroke of midnight" stupidity. Like it actually means something. Ugh. Think about me - I have to totally rewire what New Year's means for me - I was married on New Years Day and am getting a divorce now. It's been really painful. What am I going to do, pretend New Year's isn't happening? No, I need to reframe it and give it new meaning. Before I got married, it was always a time when I got together with my closest friends and talked about what we wanted for ourselves in the coming year. I want to do that again. Certainly, I can't sit around and deny that this was a special holiday for many reasons, but what can I do?

Minxxa 12-06-2011 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 114617)
People place far too much importance on that whole "who will I kiss at the stroke of midnight" stupidity. Like it actually means something. Ugh.


I completely agree. And don't get me started on Valentine's Day.... :eek:


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