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-   -   BDsm (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1824)

LovingRadiance 12-26-2009 01:13 AM

BDsm
 
OK,
so several people said they were interested in having a BDSM thread. I've been offline most of the last two weeks-but noticed it hasn't been started (at least not anywhere I can find it!) so I'm starting one.

I haven't much of an idea what to say... but thought (hoped) that if I start it some other more knowledgable posters will pipe in and fill in the BIG HUGE GAPS. :)

For myself-it's a very limited situation-and limited experience. I came out poly in late Sept. '09. Shortly there-after came out to my husband (and bf) that I desire to be a sub to their Dom.

We've basically agreed to work on the details of making our V relationship smoothly work before we move forward with BDSM activities/plans. So we have been working on our V details and talking off hand about the other. Mostly collecting info on interests, dis-interests etc as we go along. But no other significant steps taken.

Would LOVE to hear from all of you with experience and willingness to share about your thoughts, ideas, experiences, concerns, feelings, dreams, wishes, hopes, worries, frustrations etc on the topic. :)

redpepper 12-28-2009 07:27 AM

We have and up coming event where by my tersiary is bringing his new lady. My friends that I usually go with have found a whole new realm of kinky peeps to hang with and I am concerned that we will not have anyone to play with or hang out with. I am concerned that I will be jealous of my tersiary's love.... I don't know either if he is interested in her seeing him being dominated by me. What will she think, what will he think?

It looks like just me and Mono are going as my husband isn't interested right now. I am rather limited in who I am able to play with so I don't know how it will go. It will be a dress up event and I am definitely looking forward to dressing up! But I am nervous about possibly approaching new people to ask if I can play with them... I don't want to concern Mono and I don't feel very confident in my skills. There will be a lot of very skilled men there, not so many women, although one in particular is... geesh, nervous.

another thing: why is it that doms have to buy all the shit that goes along with this lifestyle? I can't afford the tools I want to use. I would love to try different peoples stuff to see what I would like to purchase to add to my collection, but it seems that is not appropriate. thoughts?

I also concerned that I will not be respected as a person that does not sub anymore too. We shall see how that goes too.

nikkiana 12-28-2009 08:24 AM

I'm another one with interest but limited experience...

I was introduced to BDSM originally through a friend that I had some amazing bedroom chemistry with but situational stuff got in the way of us ever really making it into anything other than occasional conversations about kink from time to time.

I feel like I'm struggling with a lot of newbie intimidation when it comes to BDSM related things... I'm one of those who loves to research what I'm interested in online and discuss it, and I feel like at this point I'm only interested in a very narrow sliver of what BDSM encompasses.... and I feel like much of the information I run across intimidates me rather than is helpful.

redpepper 12-28-2009 07:32 PM

I seem to have a more gentle touch than some of the others I see at events. I guess I feel I can't compete with some of the men that know how to wheel a bull whip better than I can. I like to do more talking to demand obedience. If you choose to disobey then this is what I will do kind of thing. I would love to push that to my and my subs limits sometime, but it would take the right kind of person and the right time in our lives.

nikkiana 12-28-2009 09:03 PM

I wouldn't see having a more gentle tough to necessarily be a bad thing, redpepper. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there looking for just that.

I know that personally, I'm much more into the verbal and psychological aspects of BDSM than anything else... I like pain, restraint, etc. but my threshold for such things isn't very high. I know in a group setting, I'd gravitate toward people who were more gentle.

dakid 12-28-2009 11:51 PM

redpepper i have been to a few bdsm parties and i understand the nervousness you express very well. however i'd like to share some stuff i have learnt over the years. firstly, some of the hottest scenes i have been part of have involved very little in the way of equipment. others have included home-made equipment, or stuff that wasn't sold as bdsm equipment but that we have "subverted" for our pleasure. think wooden spoons from the kitchen, sellotape, wax, etc. for ideas about making your own toys i would highly recommend this book : "21st century kinky crafts book" edited by Janet W Hardy. my favourite whip these days is one a friend made for me out of a broom handle and an old bicycle inner tube. on a similar note, one of my most "successful" outfits ever was made from duct tape and a black bin bag ;)...
i also have to say that the macho behaviour of a minority of bdsm folk who get off on being the "hardest" is a major turn-off for me and many others. having a gentle touch can be fabulous, as can gradually building up the pressure as you get to know your playmates limits and boundaries.
i am sure you know this but it seems worth a reminder - bdsm like any kind of sexual encounter is not a competition, its about pleasing yourself and your playmate(s), nothing more and nothing less.
x

River 12-29-2009 12:41 AM

As requested, I tried several times to convert the Bdsm in the title to BDSM, but it failed to stick..., so I'll ask the experts.

redpepper 12-29-2009 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dakid (Post 17196)
redpepper i have been to a fair few bdsm parties and i understand the nervousness you express very well. however i'd like to share some stuff i have learnt over the years. firstly, some of the hottest scenes i have been part of have involved very little in the way of equipment. others have included home-made equipment, or stuff that wasn't sold as bdsm equipment but that we have "subverted" for our pleasure. think wooden spoons from the kitchen, sellotape, wax, etc. for ideas about making your own toys i would highly recommend this book : "21st century kinky crafts book" edited by Janet W Hardy. my favourite whip these days is one a friend made for me out of a broom handle and an old bicycle inner tube. on a similar note, one of my most "successful" outfits ever was made from duct tape and a black bin bag ;)...
i also have to say that the macho behaviour of a minority of bdsm folk who get off on being the "hardest" is a major turn-off for me and many others. having a gentle touch can be fabulous, as can gradually building up the pressure as you get to know your playmates limits and boundaries.
i am sure you know this deep down but it seems worth a reminder - bdsm like any kind of sexual encounter is not a competition, its about pleasing yourself and your playmate(s), nothing more and nothing less.
x

Thanks for this reminder! It's so true that it's not a competition and that being the "hardest" is not always what people want or are attracted to... I just happen to know some of the hardest and feel very pale in comparison. I'm not all that of a newbie either, although compared to these men I am and in their eyes I think I probably am also...

I have a really nice whip I made out of white rope, a clear plastic tube and some black leather. It's not only beautiful but gives an interesting effect. Soft if I want it to be and heavy yet with a sting if I want to also.

Thanks also to Nikianna. I am glad for the reminder also that a softer touch is sometimes what someone wants in terms of their level of tolerance.

*confidence rising* thanks! :)

LovingRadiance 12-29-2009 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by River (Post 17204)
As requested, I tried several times to convert the Bdsm in the title to BDSM, but it failed to stick..., so I'll ask the experts.

Thanks River. :) NP

River 12-30-2009 09:18 PM

hmm. No one seems to know how to make the changes stick, r.e., the title. Strange! I'm not a techie -- and haven't time to dig deep on it. So... we'll see. I posted a request for assistance in the Moderator's forum.


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