||12-01-2011 05:02 PM
Not sure what is going on?
To preface my current situation, my husband and I decided to open up our relationship this year. We made a list of rules, because we wanted an open marriage, not really a poly arrangement. However, I am bipolar, and this summer I had a manic phase (although I know this is not really an excuse, I really felt like I could not help anything I was doing at the time) and I broke almost all of our rules with my current boyfriend and developed deep feelings for him. My husband graciously forgave me, and we decided to give poly a try. I started seeing my boyfriend about five nights a week and was out all the time. My husband got very upset (understandably) and I cut back on visits and am home by a certain time now. I still feel guilty and like a horrible person for breaking all of our rules, but I feel much more stable now and I am really trying to make this work.
That's all good.
I settled into a little routine with the both of them before the holidays, and I thought we were all doing well, they even talked and got along great. Then it became not so great. Things had been going smoothly for me and my boyfriend, and then my husband decided that while my mother in law was up I shouldn't go see my boyfriend, even though I've been better about being home before it gets too late, not going out so much, etc. He says he doesn't understand why I can't just give him a week, and that it's not that he doesn't want me to see my bf, but he just wants us to be "normal" while his mother is here....and my husband feels like I don't care about his feelings or our relationship in this whole ordeal. He also said that he was upset that our arrangement hasn't been working for him at all. After imposing a week-long hiatus, he also told me that I was limited to seeing my bf two times a week, and he asked me why I would need any more time...
My bf and I had an argument, and he said that he doesn't understand why I have to give up even more time with him...and he wonders if next month he'll be rationed to once a week or even less. We've only been dating for about four months, but I really like this guy. I connect with him. I don't even understand why he has put up with me and my mental illness, or my other relationship. I also don't understand why my husband forgave me for breaking all of the rules. I feel like if I even ask him if I can see my bf this week it will be another sign that I don't respect him or his feelings. To top it all off, I am in Masters' school and this is finals/papers/presentations week, and I would really love to see both of my loves this week.
I know I was in the wrong for the way this relationship started, and I've made changes to make it easier for my husband...why does he keep making demands? Am I still doing this wrong?