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-   -   whirlwind.... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17866)

some1sangel 11-28-2011 05:03 AM

Hey all I am extremely new here but I have already learned so much from you all and it has been a saving grace for me so to speak.

I am involved in a triad with my husband and another woman. And i enjoy every moment of it. My biggest issue is how are some of the ways that others have dealt with the insecure feelings? Here is some back story.(really quick )

About a month or so ago we had a meet this woman as just to have a threesome nothing else nothing more. Well that is not at all how it happened at all. We both have relationships with her and spend alone time with her,then there is group time. My husband and I both care about this woman so much its crazy. I think that I am having issue's because of how fast this happened and its a whirlwind so to speak.

I am having a hard time not feeling like I have been pushed to the side sometimes. Even though this isnt the case. I think alot of times Im making myself feel this way. And i guess Im second guessing myself alot and I know that it is my mind playing tricks on me. I guess Im trying as hard as possible to express my feeling and doing a horrible job of it! Which sucks ! I am just wanting to know how some of you have had situation's like this or any advice how to overcome some of these obstacle and I know that its just the beginning and that we will figure out the dynamic ourselves. But sometimes its comforting to talk to others that have gone through some of the same things.

Thanks in advance

Storm 11-28-2011 08:55 AM

Have you sat down and spoke to your partners about how you're feeling left out sometimes? Are there any certain beahviours or ways they act when together that make you feel left out? If there are talk to them about it.

I'm sure others will have more in-depth advice to give!

redpepper 11-28-2011 03:20 PM

Maybe you really should ask for you all to slow down? If the pace is making you feel you are missing something and are being left out even though you know you aren't I would think that you need to catch up with your self more than anything. I don't know what your schedule is with this woman, perhaps its just a free for all right now, but perhaps you should arrange to only see her a couple of times a week for a bit so that you may get about doing every day stuff and doing things that you would of normally done. It might help you feel less swept away in the moment. The others would do well to follow your lead. There is no rush here, so why not build every moment rather than frantically grasp at it as it seems you might be doing at the moment.

some1sangel 11-29-2011 04:55 AM

Thanks to all of the response's! We have talked it out today and were able to talk some of the fears and insecurities that I had out. And I feel a hundred percent better.

Thanks for all the encouragement and support!

Storm 11-29-2011 07:59 AM

Glad you talked and are feeling better!

countrygirl 11-29-2011 05:31 PM

My biggest issue is how are some of the ways that others have dealt with the insecure feelings?

I would like to tell you that what you are feeling is completely and totally normal.

First, I suggest that you have an open line of communication with both parties at all times. This has been the “bridge” for me. I know that any time I am having trouble dealing with something, I can talk to either one of them, or both, and we TOGETHER work out a solution or at least a compromise.

Second, acknowledging this is just the beginning is an awesome step. There is not a set of rules to be able to define everything about the relationship. This is something that the 3 of you will have to work out. What works for some does not always work for others, but if there is that line of communication, then there can be a compromise of solution found. One thing I do feel that is extremely important for you to do, is NOT “beat yourself up” for having the issues or the feelings about this.

It is not an easy thing to transition from a husband and wife to a husband, wife, and girlfriend/wife (whatever distinction you give her). You have to go at a pace that you feel you can handle. Forcing someone to be a part of this life, or to accept things they are not ready to accept, can only lead to disaster. This will be a growing process between all of you, much like a marriage is a growing process. I am sure that when you got married, things were not easy at first.

If it is something that you truly want to pursue, I can tell you (from my experience) that it can be the most amazing thing to have in your life. If all works out, you will not only have one, but two, completely amazing, loving and caring people to share your life with as well as depend on. I would not trade anything for the life I have with my husband and my wife (sounds weird I know), but that is how we look at it.

Finally, one suggestion my wife gave to me (thankfully) is this website. I will admit that I felt like I was losing my mind when she introduced me to it. It is an amazing way to communicate with others who share the life that you have chosen. They are an awesome support system, and make me feel less crazy!!! (LOL).

I wish you luck!! I hope you are lucky enough to be as happy as I am with my husband and wife.

redpepper 11-29-2011 07:07 PM

Countrygirl, I would love to read your post but the lack of paragraph breaks makes it too difficult. Please go back and change it? I would appreciate it. Thanks :)

some1sangel 12-01-2011 04:01 AM

Country Girls thanks for sharing. We were able to talk things out Monday. And your right it is an amazing thing to have so much love and feel so loved all the time. It has been amazing, more then I ever though so. It in a way makes me and the rest of us feel more complete.

I am so thankful for all the advice that you guys have shared and just the post that I have read. It makes a huge difference when you are starting out and just in general. So thank you to all of you.

redpepper 12-01-2011 06:47 AM

@countrygirl- ahhhhhh, you're awesome, thank you :)

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