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-   -   New to Trinogamy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17853)

jcdlove 11-27-2011 08:58 PM

New to Trinogamy
I moved my post to this sight from introductions.... I feel like pulling out of the relationship and let my husband and our bf continue the relationship.. I would simply be there for the kids and my husband if he wishes. I can't get over the possible truth that bf is really wanting a relationship with my husband than with me... I don't know how to trust my bf saying that he wants me there too... his daily actions most of the time is geared towards my husbNd.. I am being a child ... I know...I am upsetting my husband... and I am are my bf

Storm 11-28-2011 08:40 AM

I think you should sit down with both of them and talk about your feelings on this. Not just with your husband. Ask the third if he has no interest in you. At least then you would know rather than having these doubts that are hurting you. Communication is key. Something I learned the hard way and something that is advocated here over and over again.

redpepper 11-28-2011 09:56 PM

I am hearing that you are hurt but ya know what? Vee's aren't so bad. I live in one and it works fine. Lots of love and togetherness, just that two of us are not gf/bf. Your situation is thee most common scenario for a triad situation over time. Its hard work, but communicating that you feel left out is the best start I think. Be sure that the men in your life aren't caving in and including you because they feel sorry for you though. Pity sex sucks.

AnnabelMore 11-28-2011 10:09 PM

I would say the most important thing you can do right now is to make sure you're getting what you need from your husband. Perhaps love will flourish between your husband and the bf and not you and the bf, but that's no reason you should have to feel abandoned by your husband in any way. RP is correct that vees often seem to be more common and stable than triads and can be very satisfying for all involved even though it may not be what you all envisioned initially. Let us know if you have any questions about the terms being used or if there are any specific problems beyond vague feelings of being left out that we might be able to help you address.

jcdlove 02-20-2012 04:20 AM

It has been almost 3 months since I last posted...First of all, I want to thank everyone for your wonderful advice. It has helped me to understand this new relationship that I am experiencing. Well, now it's going on four months and I feel that I am starting to understand and accept what our relationship is. I am addressing my jealousy and immediately making sense of it and moving on. We have had many challenging moments since the last time I posted, but each event has made us stronger....allowed us to learn more about each other and our relationship. We are now on vacation in the mountains and we are having a blast with our children. I love both, my husband and our lover and we have grown together as a triad. It is amazing....I am going to do my part to work on my feelings as they come up but replace them with reality...the love, and caring that both of them share with me. I am sure this will continue...as long as I don't revert back to focusing on my insecurities. This forum is great!

redpepper 02-20-2012 05:49 AM

thanks for a happy update. :)

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