I have been reading this forum for some time now and wanted to resister so that I could say how much I appreciate the kind and respectful way that members communicate with each other. I find many of the posts helpful and though provoking to read.
A bit about myself.
I spent 10 years in a monogamous relationship with somebody who was my best friend and wonderful in many ways. Sadly, the relationship made me feel trapped and unhappy. My ex was not at all comfortable with me having emotionally intimate relationships with other people and by the end of the relationship, I had lost many friends - mostly these were platonic friends. It seemed to be mostly the emotional connection that my ex had trouble dealing with although there were also difficulties with my past sexual relationships.
One or two of those had been open, honest and involved more than one person. One of those relationships was with somebody who was a very close friend - that was a friendship I had to let go because my ex was so threatened by it. I can understand the feeling of threat but my friend and I had stopped the sexual side of our relationship when I got together with my ex.
Still - all of that happened a long time ago.
When my ex and I split up, I remained single (and mostly celibate) for about 7 years. And very happily so. I spent my time developing my interests and friendships. I had (and still have) a life changing relationship with one of my dogs. That relationship changed and challenged me in so many ways and led me to having some truly special experiences and friendships.
I completed a degree part time, had plenty of friends, started to get into DIY and gardening. My life was happy and fulfilled and I saw no reason to get into another romantic relationship.
Last year a friend from my degree course contacted me and asked if we could meet up and possibly have sex. My friend's marriage had split up several months previously and friend had become slightly nervous about having sex with a new person for the first time. I am told that I sometimes help people to feel safe and I suspect that's why the request came to me.
I'm glad it did. We had a wonderful time. :)
It put me in mind of the lost friendship I mentioned above. So I looked on facebook and found my old friend. We met up and we still got along - we were both thrilled (our lives are now very different and I think we had both thought we would probably have nothing in common).
Over time, we fell in love - which was unexpected and wonderful :) - and are now in a relationship. My old friend was single when we met and has had poly relationships for the past 15 or so years. So it's something we may explore in time - I like the idea. Having strong, emotional bonds with a number of other people is and has always been important to me.
For now though, we are concentrating on our own relationship. I was very happily single for a very long time and still am not entirely comfortable with being in a romantic relationship - which leads to challenges. My partner has had some unpleasant experiences which are still being processed. And is very busy with work and study. This leads to challenges also.
And both of us love meeting new people, spending time with friends and being involved in things. This means that time together is limited.
So - for now - we are not becoming sexually involved with other people. Maybe that will change in time? And maybe it won't? Neither of us are in a rush to push it just now.
We are pleased to have found each other again and to be part of each other's lives once more.
Anyway - I have droned on. Sorry. I really just wanted to say thanks to all involved for building such a wonderfully supportive community.
Welcome to the forum!
I'm pretty new also but so far it's been pretty fun. I hope you have some good experiences also!:D
Thank you HumanityTheory. :D
I like the community on this forum. Many times the posts that I read remind me to be calm. To back off. To remember that I am still my own person - as is my partner.
I find relationships hard - I fear being abandoned. The fear exists with friends and family also. It's stupid stuff, left over from a childhood where I often felt as if I was on the outside looking in. And what's even more stupid is that that feeling was unnecessary even in childhood.
But still - it's there. And it's just ridiculous.
Reading posts on this forum very often help me to deal with it in a reasonably constructive way. :)
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