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-   -   I need opinions from the inside (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17627)

HumanityTheory 11-23-2011 08:51 PM

I need opinions from the inside
 
Ok... Hi all!
I'm new to the forum and I have a question.

I have been doing research on open relationships, polyamory, triads, etc.
and I came to an interesting discovery... there are a lot of men involved in these relationships and women seem to be in the minority.
Now ze questions: does this gender gap actually exist? And if so, I'm concerned that maybe the majority isn't representing the heart of polyamory. (aka the guys are in it for sex and not forming relationships) Am I right to be concerned, or do I need to be enlightened further?

Thanks for any help! :D

nycindie 11-23-2011 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanityTheory (Post 112377)
I came to an interesting discovery... there are a lot of men involved in these relationships and women seem to be in the minority.

I don't think that is correct at all.

HumanityTheory 11-23-2011 09:01 PM

Then thx for clarifying... I was a little concerned but clearly my fears were unfounded! :) I haven't met enough people to say one way or another so I had no clue!

AnnabelMore 11-23-2011 09:35 PM

Yeah, definitely not true to my observations here or in my city. What made you think that?

HumanityTheory 11-23-2011 09:44 PM

Well I went to a few meet ups in the San Diego area, and the lack of women was rather striking. I wasn't sure what to think of it, "is it my area?, is this common?" you know the whole list of things your brain comes up with when you're in an uncomfortable situation... "do I look funny?"

Anyway I've been reading through the forums a bit more, and I found that I was quite mistaken :p but a noobs gotta post what a noobs gotta post.

Again thanks for not being strangers.:D

opalescent 11-24-2011 12:37 AM

Ah San Diego, where there are lots of military types. This might contribute to the poly scene there being more dick-laden, if what you experienced was typical. Give it some time, the gender balance may equal itself out. If not, maybe try another city? I know LA is not close but maybe another Southern California town? Or you could decide to try dudes. (I'm being tongue in cheek but, hey, it is an option.)

HumanityTheory 11-24-2011 03:47 PM

Lol, You know that crossed my mind but I'm kinda intimidated by men that are significantly bigger than me. Although that's not saying much considering I stand at a hulking 5'4" :cool:.
I guess I just gotta look harder for my type, be that male or female.

Hannahfluke 11-25-2011 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanityTheory (Post 112385)
Well I went to a few meet ups in the San Diego area, and the lack of women was rather striking. I wasn't sure what to think of it, "is it my area?, is this common?" you know the whole list of things your brain comes up with when you're in an uncomfortable situation... "do I look funny?"

Anyway I've been reading through the forums a bit more, and I found that I was quite mistaken :p but a noobs gotta post what a noobs gotta post.

Again thanks for not being strangers.:D

I find that when I go to poly meetings here that the men definitely out number the women. But when I got to parties hosted by my friends in the poly community, that it's about equal, with nowhere near the gender imbalance that the meetings have. So part of it is probably just the fact it's a meet-up group and men seem to be more active in that type of meeting.

ChloeJane 11-26-2011 10:08 PM

Could it be the stereotypes getting in the way?
 
I wonder if this feeds into a woman's need for anonymity/safety a bit? I also think that there is a larger acceptance of sexually empowered men (check out the language alone - stud, player, ladies man vs slut, whore, hussy) I have experienced some pretty predatory behaviour for putting myself out there in different sex communities in the past, and I find that a total turnoff in general. I have also noticed that men who know that I am polyamorous treat me a little different than men who don't (more inclined to talk about sex with me, for example), so I am generally more open about what I do in my private time with females my "queer" friends (I am always leery about using the word queer, because for me it's an awesome work, and others it's derogatory)

Another thought on that for me.... When we're out in a threesome in a "safe space" and are all holding hands/kissing a lot of the "looks" that we get are men looking at my husband in a congratulatory way (ie - nice work, buddy - way to work the ladies) instead of even thinking of looking at me and our girlfriend who set the whole thing up in the first place LOL. They assume that the dude is winning, when in reality, we're all winning! S loves to enjoy the fact that the ladies who look are probably wondering what J (my husband) has going on that these other guys don't!

nycindie 11-27-2011 07:03 AM

I can't recall where I read it, but last year I came across something that stated women are more predominant in poly circles than men are, and also that it is more often the woman in a MF monogamous relationship who want to open it up to poly. I wish I could find that article again.


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