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-   -   The transgendered in the Poly Community. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1760)

juliaandpatti 12-16-2009 12:32 PM

The transgendered in the Poly Community.
Hello everyone!

This is Julia, the other half of Patti.
I am a non-operative transsexual female living fulltime in my chosen gender.
My question is this; In the poly community what do you think the overall poly population thinks of transgendered women but more so transsexual women?
Do we represent the extreme minority?
In the dynamic of a triad, quad would you consider a non-operative bisexual transsexual female a unicorn?
I consider myself one even though I'm married.
Would I be a overall turn off to "straight" men looking for a relationship such as a quad like another married couple?
Just like in other segments of society, transsexual people represent the fringe of the population, the same within the poly world as well?
I appreciate all of your thoughts and opinions.:)


Magdlyn 12-16-2009 02:00 PM

Well, I guess it depends on how open minded ppl are. Myself, i am genderqueer and pansexual and poly, so your ID poses no problem to me, sister! :cool:

Also, so far, I have had one 3way w my tgirl gf and straight but open minded bf. It went very well. My gf is pre-op. I was the hinge of the V. Looking forward to more of these exps, seeing where they lead.

Quath 12-16-2009 02:41 PM

From what I have seen in the poly community, it is one of the more open and accepting groups. I think talk of transgender or transsexual may raise a few eyebrows, but poly people tend not to be too judgemental about who another person is with (as long as it is ethical).

I think the poly community tries to be open minded because acceptance of a lot of stuff we believe in usually comes from being open minded. In contract, swingers tend to be less accepting of gay men and transgender/transsexual people.

So I think you will find acceptance in the poly community. But for personal preference for a relationship? I am not sure. Personally, I tend to be attracted to a person overall. So looks, personality, ethics, intelligence, hobbies, etc all affect how attracted I am to that person. So I could be atracted to transsexual/transgender people. But since I have never done something like that before, I am partly guessing.

MonoVCPHG 12-16-2009 03:28 PM

Our local poly community is extremely accepting of everyone in my exprerience. We have several transgender people in various stages of transition. I believe we have one woman who is in fact a post operation "unicorn".


AutumnalTone 12-16-2009 09:00 PM

Hmmm...a good portion of the poly folk I know locally are genderqueer in some fashion, so I suspect the poly community as a whole is likely to be more accepting and welcoming than the general populace.

As for me, I identify folks by the gender they present, so anybody identifying as female is female, as far as I'm concerned. I've flirted with a couple of trans females, though haven't gotten involved with any as yet, and I'm straight (and I do wonder how sex would work for me were I to get involved with a woman with man bits).

And, oh, you can't qualify as a unicorn because you're not single.

MonoVCPHG 12-16-2009 09:14 PM


Originally Posted by SeventhCrow (Post 16019)

And, oh, you can't qualify as a unicorn because you're not single.

I missed that..good call!

redpepper 12-16-2009 10:49 PM

The poly group that we hang out with is very accepting. At any given meeting we will have teenagers to folks in their 70's. A wide variety of sexualities, socioeconomic differences and political differences...

Like Seventhcrow said, I look for similar values, morals and ethics when looking for people to be in my life. Not one person will fill everything, but that doesn't matter, that is where strength of character and attraction come in. Look at Mono and I, VERY different in many ways, but there is something about his character and acceptance of others that endears me too him.

Personally I identify as pansexual and of course would welcome trans people into my relationship with my husband if that were within the realm of possibility... it isn't as I am in a polyfi relationship that is not open, but just saying.

Of all the cultures and sub cultures I have identified with Poly has been by far the most accepting and welcoming. We have a common thread, I think, and that is to love MORE and feel free within that love... that brings all kinds of people together. I get very excited by that!

CielDuMatin 12-23-2009 01:40 AM

I tend to agree that poly people tend to be more open-minded than the average non-poly population, but YMMV - I know that here in Upstate New York things are pretty conservative in general, so I don't know how comfortable people would be in general.

Personally, I would like to think of us being able to welcome everyone of any gender, or gender preference.

dakid 12-28-2009 09:59 AM

i am a cis woman but i have had a loving relationship with a pre-op trans-woman who remains a good friend. i can't speak for others in the poly community but i certainly wouldn't be trans-phobic and i would be very upset to think others were.

edited to add: i referred to her as pre-op only because that is how she identified herself at the time, and because she did go on to have surgery. i have friends who are trans who hate that term when applied to them because they do not plan to have surgery and do not identify as being pre- anything! full respect to them and to all of us in our diversity.

Vallin 08-17-2011 08:03 AM

Like Magdlyn I am genderqueer and bi-paratrexual (see www.reneereyes.com for "Paratrexual"). So I would more than welcome a non-op TG in a poly group. I daresay most of my polyamours are transgender now!

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