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-   -   poly events in your area (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17264)

redpepper 11-17-2011 04:13 PM

poly events in your area
 
What kind of poly events, or responsibly non-monogamous events do you attend locally if any? What kind of events would you attend or would you organize? Why do you go to poly events what keeps you from going to them?

zylya 11-17-2011 05:29 PM

None, and I don't see myself ever going either - I don't see the attraction of meeting with other people who have a similar relationship status to me, the only reason I'd consider going is to find other poly people to date (without all the explanations that come with someone who doesn't know of poly), which is pretty frowned upon, at least as I understand it (not to say that dating is frowned upon, merely turning up JUST to look for dates is).

It's like, polyamory isn't an INTEREST of mine (although my forum posts might suggest otherwise!), it's just the way I am. Like, I'd go to a rugby game, or a wrestling show, or a film, or a music festival, or a gym because I'm interested in the activities. But at a poly meeting, we either talk about poly relationships (which, for me, are much better when LIVED) or we just talk generally, but just because someone is poly, it wouldn't mean that I would like them, or even be able to stand their presence. Like I'm sure there's some great people in the poly community, but just because we're both poly it doesn't mean we have anything else in common.

Mya 11-17-2011 05:43 PM

There aren't any where I live, but that's because it's a small town. We're moving to a big city next year and I know there are some poly activities there. I'm quite sure I'll want to go to some of them. I would love to get to know some poly people and talk to them in real life. I wouldn't want to go to an event where sex is present too much. Getting to know people, maybe listening to lectures and discussions, that's what I'd like to do. :)

Eponine 11-17-2011 07:51 PM

There aren't any poly events around my town either. If there were, I'd like to attend because I'm new to poly and want to learn more about other people's experiences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zylya (Post 111352)
It's like, polyamory isn't an INTEREST of mine (although my forum posts might suggest otherwise!), it's just the way I am. Like, I'd go to a rugby game, or a wrestling show, or a film, or a music festival, or a gym because I'm interested in the activities. But at a poly meeting, we either talk about poly relationships (which, for me, are much better when LIVED) or we just talk generally, but just because someone is poly, it wouldn't mean that I would like them, or even be able to stand their presence. Like I'm sure there's some great people in the poly community, but just because we're both poly it doesn't mean we have anything else in common.

I totally agree with this. Being poly is like being Asian or being taller than 6'. It doesn't mean anything else in common. So, if I didn't need to talk about poly relationships, I wouldn't go to a poly event.

Lizzish 11-17-2011 11:05 PM

Philadelphia has a few poly meetup events and a lot of poly-folk running around in the party/edm scene. It's at the point where going out on a weekend means running into the same faces, and a lot of people in open relationships are close friends and spend a lot of time in very loving friendships with each other. (probaby a circle of 15-25 people that are all dating or not-dating or involved in some way with each other.) It's definitely less heteronormative and less sex-focused than the swinger scene. I've had a small problem finding proper kinksters, though. I wonder where they're hiding?

opalescent 11-18-2011 01:30 AM

I've been really happy with my local poly community in B'more. The people who help lead it have done a good job of welcoming anyone who may have an interest in ethical non-monogamy - swingers, pagans, kinksters - while acknowledging that those communities often overlap but are not the same as poly. As a result, there are events that range from kinky play parties to more 'vanilla' sex parties to discussion groups and movie nights. So I generally know what I'm getting myself into when I go to an event and can decide if that is for me. Here, it is ok to be looking for people to date at events, if one is tactful, understand 'no means no' and don't expect everyone else to be looking for dates. There is quite a bit of cross pollination with poly folks in and around DC too.

And, yes, sometimes I don't have anything in common with the other poly folks I meet at events. That's life. I often don't have much in common with other kinky folks or people who like history or dogs or tea. But we can chat like heck about those particular topics. And for me that is enough.

SchrodingersCat 11-18-2011 04:24 AM

There weren't any poly events in my city. So I started them! There's a provincial Polyamory group on yahoo, I had been on that for a while and was seeing the events in the other city in the province. Finally I got to the point where I wanted the same fun. So I posted a request asking who would be interested in coming if I organized it. Got a couple responses, so I picked a date. Fortunately, one of the other group members is in several "circles" and invited everyone she could think of. Success!

We've picked a date for monthly meetings, we'll see how they go.

Oh, the "type" of event is basically coffee. Informal. We're open to anyone who's poly-curious, poly-supportive, or just plain poly.

mekodesu 11-18-2011 05:07 AM

i havent looked to see what is around this city or state for that matter. but there is where my partners are.

I had mentioned possibly checking it out (they do meet ups and so forth) but they were hesitant on the idea partially because it very closely ties to the BDSM community but mainly for risk to professional life outside of that circle (former friends and aquaintances that may/may not attend and who like to tell ppls business).

This was pretty early on and while at the time i would have liked to, my point of view has changed on it as well because it isnt a super huge deal to me

booklady78 11-18-2011 06:19 AM

I find the local kink communities are pretty poly friendly. There is an Edmonton group that aims for monthly get togethers, they post on Facebook fairly regularly. I don't feel a strong need to attend many gatherings, I have a strong connection with my friends so I don't feel the need to network as much. Many of the get togethers are 'family friendly' which doesn't interest me at all. I enjoy kids, but hanging out with poly folks can mean some fairly adult conversations so I don't feel I can be open and truly comfortable when there's kids running around. I could be assuming, but I think the poly folks with kids spoke up loudly about being able to drag their broods along. I understand that poly relationships can be difficult to schedule and must be even more so with kids in the mix. They really are a great group of people though, I would highly suggest anyone in the Edmonton area checking out the Facebook page for details on future meetings.

nycindie 11-18-2011 07:12 PM

I am finding poly groups in NYC to be too much enmeshed with the BDSM crowd, and so the get-togethers are full of kinksters. I find myself wishing they would promote the group in more mainstream, straight circles, so that poly isn't still such a fringe community here. I do want to meet other people, and possibly for dating, but I don't need that overtly sexual focus. I don't want to meet people for whom kinky sex is so freaking important that it's how they present themselves to the world, to the exclusion of other traits. I'd rather develop camaraderie with someone over other things.

I like what Zyla said, though, too. Like why should having multiple partners be the thing that connects people, rather than other interests? And maybe that's why the poly groups are overrun by kinky folk here. I might go to the holiday party and check out a discussion if it's on something other than sex, but I may just stop going to the poly events here after that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lizzish (Post 111411)
Philadelphia has ... a lot of poly-folk running around in the party/edm scene.

What is EDM?


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