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-   -   Switching gears (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17206)

AnnabelMore 11-16-2011 05:24 PM

Switching gears
 
So, I imagine this happens to a lot of poly people. You're with lover A and you accidentally use a technique that's adored by lover B but that lover A hates. Embarrassing!!

For me, it would happen with light, stroking touches with the fingertips. Davis finds it very sensual, Gia finds it very ticklish and unsexy. My poor, confused fingers would sometimes go into autopilot when things got hot and heavy and suddenly I'd have messed up the mood!

Got any funny stories on this topic, or any tips on how to avoid it?

It's not just a sex thing OR just a poly thing, of course. My ex, Ziggy, loved spontaneity whereas Davis gets antsy when things aren't planned out, and sometimes I'll call Davis up with a whacky, spur-of-the-moment plan and get confused when he's not enthused the way Z would have been.

SNeacail 11-16-2011 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 111183)
It's not just a sex thing OR just a poly thing, of course. My ex, Ziggy, loved spontaneity whereas Davis gets antsy when things aren't planned out, and sometimes I'll call Davis up with a whacky, spur-of-the-moment plan and get confused when he's not enthused the way Z would have been.

Just a suggestion: Before telling Davis of the "whacky plan", warn him this is a spur-of-the-moment thing and give him a couple hours to processes it, ie "I had this whacky idea ..., think about it and I call you back in a hour or so". For those of us who don't do spontaneous really well, we can be trained that some spontaneity is good, but it's a sloooow process.

My husband, even after 20 years can get my likes/dislikes mixed up with other peoples, his sister, his bff ... :rolleyes:

AnnabelMore 11-16-2011 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 111190)
Just a suggestion: Before telling Davis of the "whacky plan", warn him this is a spur-of-the-moment thing and give him a couple hours to processes it, ie "I had this whacky idea ..., think about it and I call you back in a hour or so". For those of us who don't do spontaneous really well, we can be trained that some spontaneity is good, but it's a sloooow process.

Ha! That's *exactly* what he asked I do. Guess I gotta start trying to plan ahead a little better...


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