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-   -   Attraction issues with OSO..whats wrong with me? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17183)

poobah123 11-16-2011 04:17 AM

Attraction issues with OSO..whats wrong with me?
Currently in a quad poly relationship with another married couple. It started out as an emotional affair with me and my OSO. Fast forward to today. I seem to always have issues with it. First it was jealousy, anger all that but now it's become about attraction issues with my OSO.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone who your not very attracted to? I remember saying to myself when it started.."why do I feel this way, she is not my type at all?" but the darn NRE was too powerful. I just said I was not shallow and forged on. So we had an emotional affair for 8 months and never had sex. I thought it was because we were trying to do the right thing as best we could now I wonder if I just didn't have the desire to be physical.

Now my issue is that I don't feel very attracted to my OSO. I don't have the sexual urges I do with my wife (she is my type). My OSO is not ugly or anything. I just have some preferences that she lacks. I do love her dearly though.

I will admit that I am still not over the jealousy issues completely and I know this takes away from me enjoying the physical with my OSO because I'm almost always thinking.."if I am doing it my wife will be too".

So what the hell is wrong with me? 3 people are happy and enjoying this. I believe in it and do enjoy many moments but always seem to have something bothering me.

Thoughts welcome.

redpepper 11-16-2011 07:22 PM

I think you need to relax. Its about the journey. Fluidity happens in relationships and I believe one has to allow for that. Give it time.

If you really aren't sexually interested in her then don't have sex. There is no reason you have to.

You could change the description of your dynamic too. Maybe you and you wife are in a vee? She being the hinge and you having a metamour. Is your wife sexual with your girlfriend? If so maybe she is dating a couple. If any of that is important to you then redefine. If it changes; redefine. Keep it fluid. Whatever works. Just don't do stuff that isn't going to work for you, damages others and damages your self.

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