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-   -   poly and military (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1700)

BloodGamers 12-10-2009 08:48 AM

poly and military
 
So I was wondering if anyone could give me any deatails how to make the two work out.
I already am not going to even mention it to anybody, but just what would happen if I was caught....

DrunkenPorcupine 12-10-2009 08:56 AM

In my experience, the military has been quote hostile to anything that defies norm.

Not a place I'd prefer to be as a critical thinker.

BloodGamers 12-10-2009 09:22 AM

Eh, but they are easing up to out of norm groups just like Obama wants to remove the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" rule and allow gays and lesbians to join freely into the military.

Quath 12-10-2009 02:38 PM

I am not in the military, but I do have a security clearance. I worried that being poly may jepordize that. So I did some research. I found a document that talked about open marriages and homosexuality with regards to security clearance. The basic worry is that someone can be blackmailed. So if you are out (which is not easy in the military), you are not a blackmail risk. One senario was a gay man married so he looks straight. He is a target for blackmail. But a bisexual looking for sex with men while his wife knows is not a target for blackmail.

Sorry, but that is the only angle I can speak to since I don't know much else about the military and polyamory.

redpepper 12-10-2009 03:21 PM

Hey! I am so glad you started this thread. It is a topic I was going to spend some time thinking about and possibly writing a thread on myself, as I have some friends who are in the military and identify as poly or are in a poly relationship.

I look forward to hearing what is said.

I am in Canada, there is a FAR different take on it as a threat I am lead to believe. It's more opinions and judgment from peers that is the issue.

I can totally see it working out for the family member left at home. As for the actual person in the military? That would be another story and one I can't answer too either.... just interested all around.

MonoVCPHG 12-10-2009 04:03 PM

I've got 20 years in the military spending months away from home. I was married before beginning deployments and was still happily married at the end of my deployment years. What happened after that was not deployment related but a product of my own weakness in connecting with myself.

There is enough pressure in going away from home for half a year. It'll be hard for people not in the military to relate or even guess at what it would be like.
I think the one way it could work is if you had an established functioning relationship built long before deployments so everyone was very settled. So essentially the relationship would be support for the person left at home. In that case I could see comfort and a benefit to this.

The person deploying could probably find lots of random "fuck buddies" or friends with benefits for short periods of times but again, only if that is how poly works for you. If you want to use poly as a way to justify one night stands and plenty of flings, feel free to go that way as well as there are plenty of people just waiting for that level of permission. That is generally not based on love but a desire to get off.

As far as the "critical thinking" comment goes - the ability to accept orders without question in times of need is a critical element of the military. I admit that this is not a trait I see very often in my own local poly community. That is why they are generally not in the military nor do they have a very developed concept of what it is all about just like I know shit about being a social activist. There are plenty of diverse thinkers in the military and the Canadian military is very progressive even to the point of paying for gender reassignments.

I supervise on average 15 people when deployed at sea. There is a massive amount of time dedicated to addressing their family issues as is. So while I can see the poly dynamic working for very mature individuals I don't see it being very easy in an environment filled with young people who have a hard enough time adhering to non fraternization regulations as it is LOL! If the military seems overly controlling that is because it is - but those who sign up know it.

All this being said - I know poly people in the military and am not sure how it works for them. I do not deploy any more which is a good thing. Poly is a part of my life through Redpepper not because I chose it. It works because of very specific things. Going away for extended periods of time would not be a workable thing for me personally.

MonoVCPHG 12-10-2009 04:14 PM

I hope there are others on here with military service that can give a different perspective than my own, especially someone who identifies as poly. That would be very interesting and probably a lot less one sided and skewed by the cloud of monogamy that hovers over my head :rolleyes:
Peace and Love
Mono

BloodGamers 12-10-2009 04:26 PM

Wow thank you mono for that indepth look.

The only reason I'm worried about having a poly relationship, which for me would be my wife and one sister-wife to whom I will always be faithful to both of them, would be if it would be enough for me to be discharged if one of my superiors found out.

MonoVCPHG 12-10-2009 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BloodGamers (Post 15141)
Wow thank you mono for that indepth look.

The only reason I'm worried about having a poly relationship, which for me would be my wife and one sister-wife to whom I will always be faithful to both of them, would be if it would be enough for me to be discharged if one of my superiors found out.

Not in Canada my friend. I can't speak for any other military. I think they would need extenuating circumstances though in any case. If you are a solid serving member with a good record I would think that there would be no real reason. But you could also end up working for a very traditional/religious supervisor which could make life difficult.

I'm out to a very limited number of fellow military members. Primarily this is because a lot of guys would push me with their egotistical, homophobic "you're not enough man" bullshit that I'm sure I would not even bother responding verbally if you get my meaning. I can take a lot of crap directed at me but when people attack those I love, my fuse is particularly short:o

BloodGamers 12-10-2009 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 15144)
Not in Canada my friend. I can't speak for any other military. I think they would need extenuating circumstances though in any case. If you are a solid serving member with a good record I would think that there would be no real reason. But you could also end up working for a very traditional/religious supervisor which could make life difficult.

I'm out to a very limited number of fellow military members. Primarily this is because a lot of guys would push me with their egotistical, homophobic "you're not enough man" bullshit that I'm sure I would not even bother responding verbally if you get my meaning. I can take a lot of crap directed at me but when people attack those I love, my fuse is particularly short:o


Well I've been see a lot of similarties between the US and Candian military [aka not so much bullshit (just saying)] so I don't think it will be a problem being a soild servicemember cause I am red white blue and green to the core, but my luck would be getting a higher up that is the super religious guy....he he a Super-Jesus lol j/k/.


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