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-   -   Newly married and in a happy quad (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16918)

brynneth 11-11-2011 07:29 AM

Newly married and in a happy quad
My husband and I got married in august and we have been in a closed quad with our boyfriend and girlfriend for a little over 7 months. There have been some bumps, but overall things have been wonderful. I look forward to being able to ask questions and have conversations here. This seems like a good community, overall.

fkarl 11-11-2011 10:20 AM

very cool!!!
I'm, well we actually, are really new to this. Just talking about it in fact and only somewhat practicing. I have girls that I date, but so far no sex. anyway... What we are thinking would work for us is a quad. Two couples that are connected on many different levels. Sort of "family". Was this something you sought out? or did it just grow out of a more traditional friendship? We have some married friends that we are getting pretty comfortable with but aren't sure if, 1. we are ready to take it to the next level or 2. how to approach them about it. We're not even sure they would remotely consider that close of a relationship. We are all straight.... as far as I know. I'm the littlest bit curious though and probably the most open one of the four. Anyway, congrats and I hope you have many many years of happiness! Its comforting to know that it is possible to find what I'm looking for!

brynneth 11-14-2011 11:03 PM

Our relationship definitely developed out of a good friendship with our partners. My husband and I have been poly in some form every since we started dating. He had a serious girlfriend and he and I were casual. Obviously the situation changed radically and now four years later we are happily married. We met our partners several years ago and liked and were attracted to them then, but decided that being friends was more important at the time. Eventually we found out that they were trying opening up their relationship and when that person didn't pan out, we asked if they were interested in us. They were. :)

I think that what I keep hearing is that when you date a couple, or anyone, actually, it's important that there isn't an expectation that it turn out a particular way. If you end up being more into one partner than your primary is with the other partner, that could cause friction if theres an expectation that everyone be on the same track. Relationships have to take different paces depending on the people and you don't want to force it. That said, I think it's awesome and definitely possible.

Oh, and good luck :)

wendybird 11-15-2011 08:27 PM


I'm curious as to what the day to day stuff looks like with your quad. Do you co-habitate? Live nearby? Do any of you have kids? How much time do you spend together? That kinda stuff?

brynneth 11-15-2011 08:57 PM

We don't live together but we live near each other. We have date nights in different combinations most weeks. My girflriend and I have a date while our boys have boy time together, then the next day I go out with our boyfriend and she goes out with my husband. We also spend a good chunk of the weekend together, depending on family obligations. We go to some events together, as well, and share a lot of friends, so when parties happen we get to see each other. We try to balance it so that each couple also gets enough time together, and alone time for each person as well. It can be a little chaotic but it is fantastic.

None of us has any kids. That's way down the road for us. I'm 22 and my husband is 24. We've always liked the idea of raising children with more than two parents, but we won't be ready for kids for at the very least five or six years.

brynneth 11-15-2011 09:00 PM

Oh, and the boys are just friends, but we girls are involved with each other. I've never dated a girl before, but it is very nice. Very different. She's wonderful. So are the boys :)

Candypants 11-16-2011 01:22 AM

Very similar situation
Hi there! I'm a very similar situation. I'm a bisexual married female and we're in a quad with a married couple who live ridiculously close to us (like a 5 minute drive). Us girls are involved together, but the boys are just friends with each other. We make sure primary couples have alone time, the secondary couples (her and I, her and my husband, me and her husband) have alone time a couple times a week, and the boys hang out together and play video games on Sundays. I'm glad to hear things are going well for your quad. They're going really well for mine too. :)

SuperNerd 11-16-2011 04:34 AM

That sounds like such an awesome situation! *wink*

polyq4 11-16-2011 01:24 PM

We are also in a quad, we live just an 8 min walk apart. The four of us spend a lot of time together and we have regular sleep overs where we spend a night with our secondaries. Us boys occasionally play together as do the ladies but it is. It as often as the boys might like. We eat dinner together almost every day. Yes we all have kids, but they are mostly grown up now. We have been together as a quad now for about 3 years and it has it's up and downs but mostly good.

brynneth 11-17-2011 09:35 PM

That makes me so happy, to hear that there are other similar setups to ours. Some of our poly friends seem to think we're odd or unusual because we've got a quad that is working. I guess they're used to them falling apart early or something. I'm so glad its not necessarily true. :)

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