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-   -   Downside of Dating, Psycho-Hose-Beasts! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16808)

ImaginaryIllusion 11-09-2011 06:20 AM

Downside of Dating, Psycho-Hose-Beasts!
So, as if being a married poly trying to find a date online wasnít difficult enough, Iíve stumbled onto my first encounter with a Psycho Hose Beast...because the dating pool wasnít small enough, now I have to watch for crazies...

As it is, Iím still kinda resetting from the breakup with my gf...and mostly have been distracting myself with a bunch of other projects rather than the personal inventory etc. that I had been planning on. Getting sick for most of the last few weeks hasnít really had me motivated to go out and do a bunch of self-improvements...itís all I can do just to deal with day to day stuff. So I havenít been doing much with OKC, like even updating it for the new situation or anything.

And as usual, when Iím not looking is when someone will contact me, and out of the blue, I received a message from someone asking if I wanted to mess around...in a way that tried to play off my OKC username...it was short, but cute at least. Looking at her profile though, it was very clear this was a classic mono looking for a hubby and baby daddy...which is so not what Iím available for...and I ďthoughtĒ my profile would have been pretty clear about. So I quizzed her.

She confirmed what she was looking for, but had different intentions with me. Her notes were very short, and to the point, and quickly pushing towards ďcuddling and who knowsĒ and a quick meeting on Sunday (2 days after the first messageÖI donít think she figured out Iím not that easy). My impression was that maybe she was just looking for a quick roll in the hay to relieve frustration or something, but canít really tell from 4 word messages, so I was going to arrange a coffee meeting for Tuesday. Someone around here was suggesting I should look at rebounding, so it might have been an acceptable situation for both...if there was something there.

So Monday, while Iím recovering from lung infections, watching TV with my wife, surfing the net and listening to the kids crash around the house, I get a IM from the PHB on OKC. After a quick exchange of pleasantries and what weíre watching, I was going to see about making plans for coffee the next day, but I never got that far.

Apparently I wasnít typing fast enough...as she asked if I was a slow typist...which I certainly am not. I explained I was multitasking, juggling 4 conversations and 2 webpages. (In actuality, I had my wife beside me, I was half listening to the kids in the next room, texting a friend whoís phone was on the fritz, and IM on OKC, and thereís actually 4 webpages minimum on my browser anytime the computer is on)
She said she didnít like waiting, to which I responded that such was understandable, but it does happen. I could see the conversation was going to go down a rabbit hole soon, and mentioned to my wife that I was probably going to end up pissing off this person on IM.

Well, I called it, and it took a lot less time than I thought. She said something about me not cooperating, and when I asked what I wasnít cooperating about she told me to answer her quicker or fuck off.

No effort to see what my other conversations were about, or what she might have interrupted with an impromptu IM conversation. Just an ultimatum to pay attention or fuck off...
Wow...just wow. I wouldnít put up with that shit from the woman Iíve been married to for a dozen years and borne my children! WTF would make this PHB think Iíd put up with it from someone whoíd Iíve barely exchanged a dozen sentences with (yes, messages and IM combined!)
So I said fine, Iíll fuck off...3...2...1...0, fucking off...Have a good night.
I figured the count down should have given her time to figure out that she crossed a line and give an opportunity for her to salvage it. Nope. Inbetween the counts was swearing and name calling with a few unflattering comments about my figure. Classy. My wife was rather surprised by it all too.
I left a quick note congratulating her on being the first lady on OKC that Iíve had to block. And Iím very very glad that someone like that doesnít have any personal info. Very glad it came up before phone numbers and coffee.

So...repository for online or dating horror stories...like evil dead 2 comedic horror...not holocaust horror...those belong in their own places. Go.

Donít forget the Lube!

Phy 11-09-2011 07:58 AM

Congrats on the find, but I have to tell you it isn't that rare :) What really surprised me: You actually answer 4-word-messages? Perfect recipe for finding the wrong persons on there. Anyway, good luck with the next one :D

TruckerPete 11-09-2011 12:37 PM

I had one guy who initiated contact, told me he thought it was really interesting I was poly, etc. we had a number of great chats about poly and other topics. Something seemed a little off, but I couldn't tell if it was due to computers between us or not.

So we had been chatting for about a week, and it was getting to the point where I would've liked to meet him for coffee, when one morning, I wake up to find a message from him in my inbox. It said, "I'm not interested. You're poly, and that means you're more likely to have diseases." And he blocked me.

It was so odd!! I mean, I guess it's true. If you compared me to a mono person in a long term relationship (assuming both partners are 100% faithful), I would technically be more likely to have a disease simply because I'm dating and sleeping with other people ...

But yeah. Out of the blue, no discussion of safer sex practices, nada.

opalescent 11-09-2011 03:20 PM

Welcome to the intertubes, II! That kind of experience is not uncommon for women - I think it's a bit less likely for men to experience hose-beast-ness but it certainly happens.

And, yeah, length of message can be an early indicator of sanity and/or creep levels. Too short indicates someone who isn't really trying, is boring, or finds you boring but wants to fuck anyway - or only wants to fuck.

A too long message can be verbal diarrhea. They talk about everything under the sun, which may or may not be related to one's profile. This is offputting for me because it means - they didn't read my profile to figure out what I might like, or they can't figure out how to approach me in a non-creepy, non-desperate fashion. Either is bad. Oh, and they don't know how to edit themselves. I'm big on that and find the lack of editing a turn-off.

SourGirl 11-09-2011 04:40 PM

OH COME ON ~ !!!!

She sounds like a keeper ! What a rare gem, that she wants to help you get in touch with your 'jumping-through-hoops-for-scooby-snacks' side !


I don`t get many circus-winners, but this week, something is definitely in the air. Received a email from some 'gentleman' calling me 'hun', and asking me about 20 questions. He knew my name, and asking when we will go out for coffee,....again.

Ummm. I have never met this guy for coffee. I don`t even drink coffee.
Dude who-the-fuck are you ??? I have never met you in my life !

When I told him he had me mixed-up, he tried to work harder to convince me, that maybe he didn't meet me then, but dreamed about it so much, his brain made it into reality.

Nothing quite like a pick-up line, that promotes delusion.

AutumnalTone 11-09-2011 05:21 PM

I was recently contacted by a woman on OKC who apparently just wanted a good shagging and regular fuck buddy, yet wouldn't come out and say so. She pointed out that she wasn't getting enough sex, especially during the part of her monthly cycle wherein she was extremely horny.

Well, I'm not going to assume there's any real interest until I've actually met somebody in person and had some live interaction. Then, if no alarms are sounding in my head, we can seriously discuss hooking up. Plus, there has to be a pretty straightforward statement of sexual interest--all the beating about the bush in the world isn't going to work.

After several messages--and a thorough description of her frustrations--she stopped sending messages. I'm hallucinating that I was supposed to step up and offer my services as working stud...even though she hadn't actually asked for it and I lack enough information to decide if she's worth a fuck.

I wouldn't class her as psycho. I'd say she's just inept. If she'd stated her intent clearly, then we could have negotiated a meeting and perhaps gotten her needs addressed.

dingedheart 11-09-2011 05:25 PM

psycho-hose-beasts need love too....just less lube..... they always bring their own... hose beast motto..... be prepared and all

Also ...what a great band name. What kind of covers should they play? I'm thinkin sex pistols ...

SourGirl 11-09-2011 09:10 PM


Originally Posted by dingedheart (Post 110095)
psycho-hose-beasts need love too....just less lube..... they always bring their own... hose beast motto..... be prepared and all

Also ...what a great band name. What kind of covers should they play? I'm thinkin sex pistols ...

A psycho hose beast, cover-band, needs to cover a band who freaked out, that nobody classified their weird-ass lyrics and chords in the category they wanted.
' WE ARE NOT METAL !!!! We are punk ! Can you not tell ??? You idiot !'

' Fuck me, fuck me, my brain`s on cement.
Please me, please me, I need to pay the rent.
Dearie, Dearie, did I forget to tell you ?
Screw me, screw me, I suck for money too.'


Honestly, this is what happens when people constantly say; 'All men are pigs who want to get laid.'
Or, ' women don`t even have to lift a finger to get laid.'

Some turd takes the stereotype, and tries to make it a fact to live by. :rolleyes:

vanille 11-09-2011 09:35 PM

I'm starting to get the hang of OKC. At first, I couldn't understand why people took it so seriously. I'm a girl and got lots of messages, many of them I ignored for whatever reasons.

The ones I did reply to, I never made it a point to check every hour and make sure I responded ASAP.

I've made two friends on OKC, both of which I now feel obligated to responding to all of the time. It's a little uncomfortable.

opalescent 11-09-2011 10:32 PM


You could just shoot them a message about life getting busy and you won't be able to respond as quickly as you did in the past. No need to feel obligated.

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